Im in a relationship I don’t think I want to be in anymore.
I just feel unhappy. Especially after the incident about 2 weeks ago where I caught him lying and he gaslighted me.
But why won’t I leave? What’s keeping me here? Is it because I’ll have to go home and face being alone until this quarantine is over with and not knowing how anything will turn out. Is it because I’m safer here with not being able to catch it (my mom works with positive cases)... do I not want to be alone?
I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before. I’ve left relationships. I feel like this guy doesn’t do what I want him to do. None of the affection I want. I hate his choices about things. Idk. Can someone tell me I’m an idiot or that it’ll be okay
with the stuff going on with COVID, i can see not wanting to be alone, having someone else around. I thnk that is just human behavior on that one. If you are unhappy in the relationship, there is no need to stay in it. you can start to plan ending it, and work to set yourself up, stay strong and be independent.
I think that's a pretty common feeling, actually. In fact, I've experienced it myself. I do think a lot of it has to do with fear. Fear of the unknown and uncertainty. Right now our world is FULL of that.
I think there are several things to consider. #1, is the unhappiness related to personality differences? Or is it due to a character issue. Lying and gaslighting are character issues so I think you're justified in being concerned about that. If it's a personality thing, you can work through a lot if you really want to be together. But character... that's something that doesn't really change unless someone recognizes they NEED to change and actively work toward that.
So, the second thing to consider/ remember is that life is full of uncertainties. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. But if you look back over your life, you'll realize that you've made it through 100% of everything you've ever experienced. It may not be easy. But if you realize that this is a relationship you don't want anymore, you will get through it and you will be okay. If you decide to leave, it's quite likely that you'll still think about him a lot and feel sad. That's normal. You just have to push through it and keep going. Feel all the emotions but don't allow them to dictate what you do and how you respond.
I think getting out of a relationship is hard, even if you think you will be better out than in. If you feel safer there, have you considered sitting down with him and hashing it all out? It might make you feel better, and could even help the relationship. Just a thought. Please post back and let us know how you are doing.
@mmm You are feeling that he is not affectionate, not wanting to consider your choices or meet your needs and he has lied to you. That's not a formula for a loving or supportive relationship. As Griz says, you can plan to leave as the virus subsides and then move on with your life.