About a month ago I admitted that I am a sex addict. I cannot control my actions and I am destroying relationships.
I impulsively have sex with men that I am not in a relationship with and I know that they are only contacting me for sex. I am putting myself and others at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
I tried to go to meetings but I found that they are mostly attended by men and make both myself and the men attending them very uncomfortable.
I'm 23 years old and have had sex with 16 people. About half of them have been one night stands or men that I would have sex with on a regular basis. I have had sex with men that I barely knew, men that were married and men that are in a relationship with someone else.
I understand the pain and confusion this is causing you. When I was 21, I had already had sex with 20+ people. Some of them in relationships, some single. It made me feel attractive, wanted, but left me feeling more empty after each encounter. Its funny, looking back, I never saw it as a sexual addiction, but more as a desire to feel wanted, attractive, to feel important. I would call up guys and ask them to come hang out, and actually wait for them to get to my place, wearing lingerie upon there arrival. I liked the feeling it gave me, until it was over.
I eventually got to the point where I met someone who actually wanted to be in a relationship with me, and although I struggled at first because the amount of sex he offered was a decline in the amount I was used to, I was happier at the end of the day.
Ironically, I came to this site to find help trying to get over the relationship I was in, because it turns out, he was a sexual addict. I never would have guessed, because I always felt I never got the adequate amount of pleasures I needed from him - but it was because he was pleasuring himself in many other ways with many other women, never having time to share himself with me.
Since he's come clean with his addiction, I have been working to forgive him, and get him the help he needs. Its hard, but I think my past is helping me to forgive my partner for being unfaithful to me. Although I never intended on cheating on him the duration of our relationship, I had this past that was filled with unhealthy things that I was only able to stop when I found the thing I was actually looking for - someone to care about me. He has obviously not found what he is looking for yet.
His sexual addiction and my sexual addiction were quite different. Mine happened when I was single. And although it didn't make the things I did right, I was able to overcome it but supplementing that desire with what i thought was love. It has been nearly 4 years at this point, and I have grown within myself to feel more secure and attractive without empty sexual encounter. With the recent events of my relationship coming to an end, I have turned to the Bible. It has helped me thus far and I hope that I can regain independence without the desires of empty sexual encounters along the way.
The best advise I can give you, is the same advise I gave to him - find faith to overcome your weakness. If you have never been a religious person, but are open to it, try reading from the bible. There are so many verses that can help you overcome your desires. If you are unable to attending meetings, go to a specialist and talk one on one. Someday you will find yourself, and then another day, you will be able to find someone you can put your whole self into. It is going to take time, strength and sacrifice, but know that everyone here on this blog is behind you 100%.
Good luck and God bless