I'm new here I'm honestly just looking for a little help

I have severe anxiety of certain public situations when i'm alone. When i'm with a friend i'm the life of the party. but when i'm alone i feel like every one is watching me. i talk just walk up to girls or anyone for that matter. come to think about it, everytime i've asked a girl out its been through text or email or fb. i cant talk on the phone to anyone except for my parents, for more than 5 min. let alone a girl.

i've never had a girlfriend...and @ 20yrs old i'm ashamed of that. only because it was my insecurities as a person that made me miss things and certain signals women give.

i'm trying hard to love myself more and all that but i dont. i've lost 70lbs, people tell me how good i look all the time. but i'm disgusted when i look at myself every morning. i have contemplated suicide several times but i know my family and friends @ home would miss me. i'm a soph in college btw.

between my self-consciousness, insecurities, and just fear of talking to people period. life really isn't that good. pretty much sucks. i just want to enjoy people and life. have fun!

i just want some sort of happiness. money doesn't do it. accomplishments don't do it. nothing. i literally am not happy haven;t been in years. but know things are getting worse and my life falling apart before my eyes.

i dont know if i'm supposed to ask a question or what i here i just need someone to hear me.

mr_tibbs - i am sorry for what you are feeling. insecurities can eat you up sometimes and it can be hard to overcome. have you talked to a therapist or doctor about your feeling? please talk to a therapist especially if you are contemplating suicide. going to therapy can really help you to learn how to work with your emotions and to overcome them.

it sounds like you are a wonderful person who is in college and has a good times with friends. Know that you are worth so much and keep looking forward to enjoying experiences in college and to finding that special girl one day. and don't be ashamed that you haven't had a girlfriend yet. that is still young and so many people don't have a relationship till there 20's. when i was in college most of my group of girls didn't have a serious relationship till the end of college, that was normal for us.

stay strong, know that you will find happiness again. please think about therapy and also keep writing here. stay strong!