I'm new here. I first want to say, in no way am I ready to recover and the whole time I was making my account I was asking myself "why am I doing this?" but I'm hoping that in some way I'll be inspired. I guess you have to start somewhere. I've had body and food issues since 5th grade and in middle school it got worse. A few years ago bulimia started and now i'm turning more toward anorexia. I just feel like I need to do something because I can feel it getting stronger every day and my health is deteriorating faster than I've ever seen it before. My therapist really wants me to tell my parents whats going on, but I just can't. I'm not ready to let it go, but I just want to wake up some day and actually start my day off with breakfast and not be concerned that the sandwhich I just had is going to magicly add 5 pounds. I'm starting to feel really anxious and alone about all this, and I'm hoping that I can get some support and encouragement on getting better, and I would love to help others as well.
First of all, welcome! And from what you wrote, it sounds like there's at least a little part of you that REALLY wants recovery and is ready to go for it! Congratulations on taking a first step, and I hope that we can help to provide the inspiration you need. You will find a very caring, supportive community on this site; know that we're all here for you. I'm sorry you're struggling, but I'm so glad you're starting to seek out help.
Thank you 
from what I’ve read, it seems like an extreemly supportive community. And you are right; I guess it’s just the disorder that is causing the doubt and fear and providing the comfort that is overpowering my strength. I have hope though, and I think thats an important part.
welcome and know that you are among people who will understand and not judge.
Welcome! When I made my account I was basically looking for the same thing: inspiration to get better. I wouldn't say it was a direct result of posting here, but I'm starting treatment in a week and a half. You are always welcome here by all of us and we want to support you so don't hesitate to message us personally or post your feelings (just no weight or numbers :)! If you have any questions about anything feel free to message me!!!
Welcome to the group! You will find people in all different stages here: those who are in recovery, those who are trying to recover and those who aren't yet at that point but might be thinking about it.
birdnest...you are NOT alone...but I know you feel that way. Welcome to the site. As you can see, many people are here to support and 'listen'. I too believe that a part of you does want to recover...it's very hard to reach out and take that first step, but please continue to share, and allow others in your life 'in', so that you don't have to hide any longer. Please seek professional help. Recovery is not possible without that! Take care...Jan ♥
hey, welcome to this site. to me it's become like a second home :-) you've done well for reaching out on here and the fact that you are hopeful will definitely take you on the path to recovery.
i've been hoping too for that 'click' in my head, that AHA! but i don' think it will happen. like you i ight find the inspiration and will to get better but thats where the journey only begins. having such amazing friends on here though and even seeing a therapist will help you through it all.
keep reading and posting.
love
maedi
welcome !
love
maureen
This is my first time posting. It is also the first time, I am admitting my problem to myself. I am 57 years old and have battled anorexia since I was 16. I just hope that by talking my problem out, I can understand what triggered this episode. I have been in denial for some time now. I just hope someone can help me, before I do any further harm to my body. I don't wait to fight this battle alone. Thanks!
welcome silentsecret!
i am sorry you have been alone with this for so long. at the same time it's incredible that nobody ever detected anything. have you never even consulted your doctor about it? nobody in your family is aware of it?
i really hope that this site will help you realize how good it feels to open up about it all and to finally kick those ED demons.
you said you hope someone can help you. have you already considered seeing a preofessional or joining a group?
keep posting, we're all here for you
love
maedi
Welcome dear!
As everyone above has said this is a very supportive group. We are definately not he to judge, but rather to listen to whats going on and trying to support you. I have found this site to be very helpful in truly expressing your feelings without having to worry about being judged for it. I know for me i felt much better after telling my parents about it. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I think that will be a huge step for you when you are ready. Remember that this is a process and you aren't going to wake up one day fulling recovered. It will take time, but with determination and strength and is fully possible!!
Also Silentsecret :) I'm so sorry you have been struggling for so long. Just know that we are all here to support you no matter what! Keep fighting!
Lots of Love,
Maggie <3
Over ten years of counseling, and I thought that I was fine. I had put this demon behind me. However, the Anorexia reared it's ugly head a few months ago. I have lost a significate amount of weight within the past three months. I went shopping yesterday for new clothes. When, I was able to wear a pair of skinny jeans, I felt proud, but also, very afraid. My husband (of over 20 years) doesn't have a clue about this disease. Now, my brain tells me, I have lost enough. But, I'm not listening to myself at all! I still want to push, to lose that extra pound. My energy level is at zero, and my immune system, is being depleted a little more everyday. I haven't talked to my doctor about my problem. If I do, then his orders will be, for me to put back on, those extra pounds. I just can't let that happen!
You have to ask yourself though.. is it neccessary for my health to put on those few extra pounds. And honestly do you think anybody is going to notice a few pounds? I think you should talk with your doctor about it. You do need help and thats going to be the best way. You might also consider talking with your husband about it. You might come to figure out that he is really supportive in this situation. ED is lying to you when it tells you that you need to lose that extra pound. You need to listen to your body and what it needs to be healthy. Keep pushing through those negative thoughts!
i agree with maggie. you do need to seek help again.
ive been in counselling too for the last 15 years on and off but im still stuck with it cause i never fully committed to give it up, cause im too scared without it. but one way or another ill day if i hold on to it. and i think it s the same for you.
what good will it do if you keep those pounds off or even lose more? what do you really gain from it?
Dear Maedi and Maggie. I am sorry I have to keep popping in and out on you. My husband was home this weekend, and it is almost impossible to post, when he is looking over your shoulder. To be honest, I have lived and studied EDs, for so long, I feel as if I am smarter, than most therapist. I have been through the "control" issue, "magical thinking" and "self-imagine", I am a seasoned veteran!
Right now, I am dealing with raising two grand-daughters. One 2 years old, the other, 2 months old. My mother is in the end stages of Alzheimers, and my Dad passed away a short time ago. Everything in my life is turned upside down, and I am sinking into quick sand, a little deeper every day. My husband is a wonderful man, (my second) that I could easily talk to. He works for the Rail Road, and worrying about me, could get him hurt or killed. I lived with a man for 17 and 1/2 years. My first husband abused me both mentally and physically. My life was a "living hell" but, I got out, before that demon killed me. I married an angel, my soul-mate, the person God intended for me to be with, and we have been married over twenty years now.
All, I need to know is, what triggered this battle, I am having with myself. I know what I need to do. That is why I came here. I simply out-grew therapy, there is nothing the doctors can do for me. I just needed to reach out to other people, and I thought it might help, to join a support group. Maybe, I thought wrong. I'm not being haughty or self-centered. That is not who I am. I am just a woman, with many burdens to deal with. So, if this is not the place, I need to be, I can move on and find another. I appreciate the kindness and support, from both of you. Thanks for that! I am praying that God places me somewhere, I can get and give advice. I have been through too much, in my lifetime, more horror and nightmares, than you can count. I hate to think that all of the "bad times" I've endured, have no purpose or meaning. I have many stories to tell, I just need someone to share them with me.
i don't think we meant to push you away at all but reading about your situation makes us think that you should seek professional help especially not knowing your therapeutic history, if i may say so.
i can understand in a waythat you dont want to see a counselor anymore, i sometimes feel to that they cannot tell me anything anymore. altough i know for me that is actually not true.
the way you're describing your current situation i am not surprised at all that ED is creeping back. i can only imagine how hard all this must be for you right now and i guess it is only natural that something that has been with you for so long would offer itself as coping tool again.
i would love to hear your stories, no matter how horrible they might have been for you. you need to get things out, share them. but of course i am not sure how much help i can eventually give you as i cannot eat wisdom with spoons (unfortunately).
i am really sorry for everything you had to endure and you are now going through. keep posting or email me.
love
maedi
I'm so sorry for everything you have had to go through. Like Maedi said, sometimes it can help just to share them. So never hesitate to message!
Lots of love
Maggie
Thanks Magggie, I appreciate the support and advice. I think I will stay around for a while. I have been reading many stories, about folks dealing with horrible burdens and pain. I have to admit, it is comforting to know I am not the only NUT CASE in the world. LOL! Love,
I agree with you there!! This is the one place i don't feel like im crazy or like im being judged!!