I'm New Here

I'm 33 yrs old and suffer from depression, ADHD, OCD, and panic attacks. I don't wish any of them on anyone. Life is hard but I walk on faith most of the time. I feel like I'm alone and empty a lot of times. My husband of 11 years still doesn't understand me. I try to explain certain things to him to help him understand me but he might as well not even be listening. I know there are some more women out there who deal with the same thing. He always has to look at the negative side of things before the positive. That gets on my last nerve!! Of course, my medication keeps me sane but there are times I feel like I'm going to lose it on someone. I don't like who I am. I know you have to love yourself first before anything else will work out. My kids keep me going and thats a good thing. Any advice from anyone on how to deal with a non-ADHD spouse??

Welcome to Support Groups, I can only suggest that you look within yourself for answers, men are HARD WIRED, & I realize how frustrating this feels that some men wont/cant acknowledge HOW THEY are affecting others around them or others progress/accomplishments. When one only wants to see the negative in others instead of what they are doing right or trying to do correctly then it IS something within THEM that is lacking in themselves & it is up to us to not let it get under our skin or do the dance with them or feed into it for our own well being & progress in life, one cant convince others that THEY are sabotoging the relationship in the long run & that WE will become resentful, hurt & frustrated & distant ourselves from them in time. It usually lies in ones past history, the way one is raised, genetic links if applicable. Please consider YOU & rely on YOUSELF for this can be an empty bottomless pit you cant fill or get approval from & YOU will pay a high emotional/physical price in attempting to get/seek his approval/love/consideration/respect, etc.....

We're here to talk when you feel like it & take care of you.

April (Biker mom (Ole' Lady) from the '70's)

bikermama77,

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone I've read the book "ADD And Romance" and didn't find the answer in there either. I've been divorced for so long I often forget it. I've also had a few long term (several Years) relationships that I've later figured out were undermined and eventually aided toward completion with some help from the following.

I also have ADD without the H. and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. which is sort of like a low level panic attack but almost constantly. not just occasional episodes. I choose to say "have" rather than suffer from because I don't want to create my own self image as someone who is suffering. Even though I often do. I wrote a bunch more but then I backed up and figured If I keep going like that I might as well forget the post and write a book. lol ;-)

Something I learned from a woman I met at an ADD support group meeting and dated for several years. Is that (you can't expect one person to be able to give you every thing you need).

If your husband doesn't understand you. Find someone or some people who do. No I don't mean have an affair. I mean get involved with a support group like this one. And or I'll bet if you look around a little bit you can find a live group in your area. try more than one, most of them are pretty similar regardless of there suggested topic. How you feel in the environment and weather or not you like or feel comfortable around the people that usually attend that particular meeting can make a big difference in what you get out of it though.

Psychologists have learned allot of new things recently as well and are writing them in a different way that makes sense and is easy to understand. Read, learn, talk to other people. Be good to yourself remember what you enjoy and do it. Take responsibility for your own happiness. don't expect someone else to make you happy especially if you feel that you need to change them to your
specifications before they can even begin to do that.

your husbands position is to be your friend, provider or co-provider for the family, companion, lover and father to your children. not your psychoanalyst. If he doesent understand that stuff then thats just the way it is. you'll need to get that need met els ware. Remember what you love about him. Expand those things when your with him and enjoy the results. Your only going to amplify your frustration and piss him off too by expecting or trying to make him something he's not. just love him for what he is. And consider this. If he's not the one who is or was unhappy to begin with then he's probably not the one who needs to change.

This is why lots of people develop a network of support people. Different people are good at different things. Jo fixes your car cuz that's what he's good at. Susan does your taxes cause that's what she's good at. David fixes your computer cuz that's what he's good at. And your husband - well that's none of my business - but hopefully he's god at it.

Live to ride & ride to live.
Peace Out.
trick

Thanks for the encouraging words. I appreciate you taking time out to read my post and give me feedback. This coming from a man helped too. Thanks again!!