I'm new to this site. Thought i would try it out. I can't get my ex narc out if my head. It's making me crazy and sick. Its been 2 1/2 months and its constant. He had me so joined at this hip and then all of a sudden dropped me to be " in love" with the new one. I'm the most alone I've ever been. Any suggestions?
It's hard for you to imagine that he did you a huge favor, but he did. That doesn't help you right now but eventually it will. I am sorry for your pain. These narcs are so cruel. It's the same old crappy stages. They are like vultures. They have no emotional attachment to anyone, nor can they and they don't care. Your feelings are of no matter because they've no feelings themselves. Use you up and toss you out. Human attachment is not something they understand so you are just an object to them. Many liken it to getting a new toaster, blender or crockpot. Hard but true. I hope that you can realize that you really are so much better off without narcissistic abuse in your life. He is not worthy of your brain space or making you feel sick. You have to realize that you are MORE than this and you deserve more than this. If you feel that you are not worthy then perhaps therapy would be helpful to you. No one deserves mistreatment, NO one. You deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity, respect and thoughtfulness of your feelings. These things are NOT possible with a narc. I pray that you realize you are special and deserve more and I also pray that strength, God's comfort and confidence come your way. You are more. Welcome to SG. We care. Love and Hugs to you!
the reason why we still think of them is because they had us addicted to their fake charm and fake love. its like a potion so strong and they trained us to still want them no matter how bad the abuse was. i would suggest read books by HG tudor to better understand how we were abused.
good luck to you and i pray for your strength. keep reading here and gather strength from survivors here. were all in this together
1 Heart
I'm very sorry. You are in the thick of it. The feelings of being alone, betrayed, abandoned can be almost too much to take, but you'll get through it, but it will be very, very uncomfortable. It's essentially detox. You are detoxing all of his abuse and brainwashing out of your system. There's no quick fix I'm afraid. I think it will help you to learn all that you can about narcissism. Once you know enough, you'll realize that it's not your fault. The man you love doesn't exist. It is such a strange and terrible thing to grieve and accept, but you will get there. Also...journal, talk to someone you trust, and post here. No matter what you're feeling or thinking, we've been there. You'll get through this.
It is what they do. It is not YOU. Talk to a counselor about emdr. It redirects obsessive thoughts. Also...the 3 second rule. If u find yourself thinking of him, redirect it in 3 seconds. It is a way your brain creates newer, healthier synopsis. (Or some scientific terminology like that.) Trust me...Im struggling too. But this is what I have just been taught. And it's helped.
@Cindysmilesagain Synapses not synopses. Haha. Darn auto-c!
I am sorry I know how hard it can be. I am at my second discard and about the same as you, 2 months. The last time I went 5 months and was getting really better. So there is hope, I agree with Cindysmilesagain I have been doing EMDR with my therapist and it works. Takes time which is frustrating. You are not alone, I find for me I feel more alone than a normal breakup as I was so focused on my narc. He had me spinning in drama all the time. Now that he is gone I am forced to focus on myself plus deal with all this trauma. It can be overwhelming at times. You will get there.
Thank you all. I will look into emdr! I hope something will help. My brain is turning to mush. I have always been such a strong person. But this has got me. I truly had no idea people can ne so cruel.