Hello everyone. I was wondering if anyone can relate to this situation or help me out. My then-boyfriend of over a year and I were happily in the throws of love, talking about marriage and our future together, when something happened at my college that ruined everything.
I was feeling down on myself one night (my ex and I did not attend the same college, so I rarely saw him) missing him and feeling sorry for myself and my situation, so I went out to get some drinks with some girls I had recently met. I drank too much at the hands of one of the fraternity brothers, who was literally pouring drinks down my throat as I stumbled around the room trying to stand up. By the end of the night, I couldn't even form a coherant sentence.
I was raped that night by the same guy, and do not remember an inkling of the situation. The sad thing is, none of the girls I was with tried to protect me from him or interrupt his forcefulness. They said I was acting as though I wanted it.
My heart aches all the time now because I never was able to tell him what happened. I felt ashamed and solely responsible, even though I do not recall the events of the night. I never pressed charges, because I couldn't truly face what happened. We broke up about a month ago due to reasons stemming from my situation -- I had become standoffish with him and couldn't face him because my guilt overcame me every time I looked into his eyes, so I lashed out at him every chance I got. I am so sorry to anyone who thinks that I deserve everything I got, believe me, I love him more than anyone in the world and I never meant to hurt him. But I have no idea what to do. If I ever have a prayer of moving forward with him...do I need to confess what happened? And if so, how should I approach it?
I miss him so much, and I'd love to fix things, but I'm scared to death he won't believe me that I don't remember it and that it truly was date-rape (even though he technically wasn't my "date"). Even after explaining the situation to my doctor (btw, I have no STDs or chance of pregnancy from the incident, thank the Lord) she scolded me for not going to the police the next day.
Regardless, I have now had sex with someone else. But I would like some opinions and advice. Is this truly infidelity? I know it's dishonesty, but I never meant to sleep with someone else. I'm just so confused right now.
You did nothing wrong, holding this in must have been rough. There are times when we feel an obligation to fit in and many times it is not worth it. If going out and just hanging is not good enough for those who are friends, then they are not worth it. These girls should have said something or removed you from that situation. I can only imagine if it were one of them and how they may feel. Something like that happened to me, but worse it was with family. I always felt like an outsider with them. I was drinking onenight with my so called mother and an aunt. I remember thinking what am I doing but I wanted so bad for them to accept me, the drinks were very strong and kept coming. Worst of all my children were there. I was making drinks and a guy who I know came by, we were kissing and I woke up the next day in bed undressed. Everything was blink and I was afraid and sick of what may have happened. I went to my aunt and she said that I was making the drinks to strong and everytime she would pore hers out. I was so sad by this because when her child'd father died, it hit her hard and I was there to comfort her and help her. Everyone else would just laugh at her for falling down and talking suicide. I thought that she was also a friend, I thought we were close. After being that way no one would talk to me, I felt and still do from time to so sick and dirty. I am sure they took pictures also. I made up my mind to distance myself and have never looked back. You have to see that you did nothing wrong and that people want to enjoy themselves from others hardships. If you miss the guy tell him what happened, go to him and ask him if it were a sister or mother would he turn his back on them? He should know who you are, the act does not make the person. Deep down is who you are.
You've learned now to not ever put yourself into that type of situation ever again so I advise to not mentioned anything as this may only open up alot more trust issues that really wont help ease your pain unless you feel purging this incident will make you a better person in life. You didnt ask for this to happen from what you describe you were just going out to ward off some stress & loneliness that you were experiencing so forgive yourself & again, now you've learned, so stop being hard on yourself & my heart goes out to you & I'd like to punch the punk that thought he'd get away w/forcing himself onto you regardless of alcohol use or not.