I'm not bitter. No really, I'm not. I mean, almost every person that I trusted the most betrayed me in the last year. I'm ok. Who cares, right? I mean, so what if everything was a lie? I can just get over it, right? I can go hang out, by myself, with nobody, and do stuff. Ok. I'm good.
I flip out over betrayal but I don't know too many people that would deal with it very well. I think it's one of the hardest things to get through. I probably feel that way since my witch mother betrayed me since day one.
@Parent18 For every one of those betrayals, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I cried for hours/days/weeks. I bet not a single one of them shed a friggen tear. It is unreal. I thought they were all my friends. They said they were. They sure were my friends when they wanted to hang out with me. I guess I wasn’t allowed to get sad.
The first one was the couple - they were both my friends and they seemed to like each other so I pushed them along. Before they got together, she also had a narc bf and we used to commiserate together. Once she got together with the new guy, she was all happy. I left them alone because they were all excited and a new couple. She would occasionally check in with me and I would tell her I was still down. I didn't keep her. I didn't bug her. she came to me. Out of the blue, he starts bit chen me out for being such a burden to her and yelled at me for not asking about her son being in the hospital- um, she didn't tell me about it. he said I was draining her. I wasn't doing anything to her except basically answering her questions when she checked in with me. He did this 3 times. he was a friend of mine too. I finally figured out from something he said that she was complaining to him about what a pain I was. I wasn't bothering her so it was ridiculous. I looked at the texts between us since those two got together and there were weeks between and it was her checking on me. I maybe texted her first one time. I guess answering the questions honestly was being a burden.
@allie lee so I let them both go. It was too much- him yelling at me for bothering her and she completely denied all of it. It was gross, really.
the narc is just a narc and he was being narc-ish.
The last one was my best friend who was fed up with the narc narcing me so he decided to tweet out a lot of things I told him in confidence to 900 people as I was begging him not to. He thought it would "ruin" the narc but ofc, the narc didn't mind- he is shameless. What it did was embarrass the crap out of me. I got him to delete them and he blocked me on everything and did it again when I couldn't see. After 3 days, I found out he did it- they had been up for 3 days. That's when I discovered he had blocked me on every way I could contact him.
The two men thought they were helping me somehow. The first one- my friend's new bf thought he would shock me into being better. The second one thought it would force the narc to stay away from me and somehow restore me. They didn't care about what I wanted or how I felt so it was just like being abused by my narc. I felt so bullied and powerless. It was horrible.
she knew too. she had a narc bf and was abused by him. she knew what I was dealing with. It was like when she got happy again, she started treating me like dog doo. When she was sad, she constantly needed to talk to me.
I still can't believe they all treated me badly. I never treated any of them badly- not ever.
Friends. Strong subject. I will explain how things worked for me once upon a time. I was fairly well off, I loved to party and I loved to have people over as well as cook out for them. I had a nice place and we loved college football season as well as any other excuse to get together. I was a business man and ran a company with over 150 employees. I was young and I always was open and friendly, give anyone the shirt off of my back. I never asked for anything just treat me as you wanted to be treated and make things happen were my motto's. My first wife I realized unfortunately acquired a drug problem that I did not see coming, not smoking weed it was heavier. I was naive to the point I had allowed her to live the dream and have what she wanted as she wanted, never had to have a job unless she had wanted. Naturally she didn't. The drug problem began as soon as we had two children back to back. She ran through finances like I made things happen at work. I worked people i worked hard and was diligent, i took for granted she having the stay at home mom deal as was the norm when I grew up was trusted I mean she was my wife. I received a call one day, from a creditor . I actually belittled this man who I really truly believed he was trying to scam me at the time. Within days of that call every credit line I had was calling. She had tanked 90k in credit lines, I was at a 6 mth behind on payments mark when these people located me. I am not sure to this day why I was not contacted sooner by any but when it began it was a week of terror. I went home and I still thought they were ludicrous, I asked her for the portfolios I had set up for our billing. This was her only thing I asked that she ever keep up with and she was all over it smh. Yes we were younger but I never entertained what was coming as a possibility. She I recall declared that she had basically been just tossing the receipts. Now I lived 1.5 miles from my operation. So i was at work in 5 minutes I was at home for 1 hr daily at lunch and I was at home within 5 minutes of the end of my day. I lived to keep this new family and this kick *** plant I had turned around going. These were great times. I was just about to purchase a chunk of land and build a home. I designed, I had everything in order for. I mean down to the last box of nails listed. I asked again and explained look I have to have some way to prove we have been paying these things, all I could get was they are lying to you. You have to straighten these people out, you're smart you know how to deal with people. I think she actually believed I could talk them into believing they were mistaken. I had to obviously hit her with the cold hard truth I knew she was lying now and needed to know what is going on. We had two infants, I was maintaining a lifestyle of keeping up half her family as well as all of my FRIENDS weekly. 4 trips to rehab and close to 400k in debt for that I was not turning her around, I had gotten nowhere but deeper in the hole. Not to mention I had to quit being the weekend bar and grill for so many great FRIENDS. A divorce ensured, she never challenged. I became a single dad with two still in diapers and my company sold my plant that was 5 minutes from home. I took a new plant 74 miles away and commuted, I was a single dad. Now I began burning the candle at both ends. I began putting some things back in place, Credit was going to be a battle for a long time, but I was cash strong and seeing as how I was pretty much just me and the little ones. I was able to start doing a couple weekends a month bar and grill service for my great FRIENDS again. No one had came to my rescue the year it all fell apart but naturally I was looking for company and people other than co workers I spent my week with and now lets face it who is going to drive 74 miles to hang out with the Boss to eat watch games and drink. This went on awhile but the guys they didn't like the whole game nights ended earlier than before, steak , shrimp, beer and me letting some enjoy their weed smoking outside my home while watching the games they were down with but cutting it off before the big game every saturday night was inconvenient I guess for them. Never mind the free day of gorging on great food and choices of free drinks just to hang out. I stopped drinking all together and let them keep on as more and more were slowly not coming by, it soon dwindled to 1 or 2. Then I began going to church regularly, they all stopped. I learned a lot about what we call FRIENDS. I have a couple of real friends now, they are my wife and children and close family. Short of that I would call most of those I encounter at best acquaintances. You will find friends but we live in an era of self consumption. It is a society of people who are more inclined to entitlements and their own what's in it for me. I learned though the best way to deal with this facet of life as it ate at me for years, all the things I had done for people and no one being there for me when I asked or needed them. I learned the only way I could keep from getting down or angered, was I myself had to start counting my blessings instead of my losses. Things began to get better when I realized the things I should truly be thankful for I have than focusing on the things I wanted and did not have. Sure I missed the comraderie and all that but the fact was they were for a season and they were just using me for the things I had or would give. They didn't care for me as a person, they actually despised I had what I had and looked at me as weak because I was naive enough to allow them to feed off me. So most of them moved onto the next venue of free stuff and loose living. I am in my 40's today my children are almost grown. I no longer am a bigwheel at work and actually am looking for a better job myself. But, the one thing I do have is peace and I do not bother with FAKEBOOK or any so called gatherings of self promotion and self consumption anymore. I am still helping anyone I can and I will always. But, I will never enable people again. I will never try to fix people who don't desire to help themselves again. I also will never allow people I may think of as a friend to let me down and fool myself into believing that they are more than just people who could at anytime turn their back on anyone. You can tell usually within a short period of time of conversation on a few topics whether or not you have someone who you can count on and if you reach out to someone on something important if you measure their responses you can tell if they are genuine in their views on how they care about you. We can easily fool ourselves when vulnerable by sounding off to people thinking well they listen to me that means they care. Consider the topic and surroundings at the moment, as well as what they have going on. Did they make time for you or did you have them trapped. Trends are easy to measure, be careful and count your blessings then you will never face counting your hardships. My list is long on that side currently but its the positive side that keeps me going. The dark side can get you down if you let it, look towards the light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there. Trust me with God's help I made it through way more than I described and I can't tell you the people who know me that have said , you're a better man than me, you're more of a man than I could have been and I don't know how you did or do it. I couldn't without the good Lord's help and counting my blessings. It made all the difference for a man who once had a fortune, thought he was everyone's friend and found himself alone raising children and isolated as the bossman no one ever loved except to his face or when he was giving them more money. Life is a curvy road with lots of hills.
@Terroryzing1 wow, what a story. I get what you are saying but these were the kind of friends that appeared to be there when you were down. They just got tired of me being down. Again, I wasn’t bothering them. I knew I was down and not fun so I usually didn’t contact them first. They contacted me. They just got mad at me for being sad and for being in love with a narcissist.
Oh no. I apologize my intent was not to make one sad. I meant really its kinda i guess how i stopped short when I came to this site before i decided to sign on. I have recently and am currently going through a debacle with an injury. I truly am getting jerked around in this ordeal and going through a lot of physical suffering. But, as I read through the first forum. I actually felt guilty about my own situation and how I had let it get me down. I found really there are so many people here having a rough go at so many things in life. So I said you know, I can try and share and get through things with people. I have helped a couple of people here so far with their situations. That has value to me, if I can help someone great. Sometimes, we don't really know ourselves how good we have it until we see how bad others are having it and within my first hour of reading I realized. Why am I considering dwelling on the down side again? I share and people share alike. Hopefully someone whether they post or not can profit from our potential errors, or lessons learned you know. Truly I think with your first response the breaking point for me was my brother, older brother whom I always looked up to told me during the first marriage one day when i was talking to him on the phone. He said and unfortunately I will never forget this as it was a grim reality at how any person can be in your life, no matter what you think of them. He said , look I'm tired of hearing about your problems I have my own, do what your heart tells you. Worst advice ever. Don't follow your heart it will get you in trouble every time. Bible tells us that and it is not wrong when it comes to people, you will get burned. But, bottom line is a friend is a friend to the end. The kind you share a foxhole with, the kind that would put their life before yours. If you define it as anything less you have fooled yourself. No I am blessed and very thankful and thank you for the kind words. The people who got tired of hearing of your situation, they will one day walk in your shoes. Hopefully not but when they do, and most of the time it does happen as people do reap what they sew. They will remember you and how they got tired of you complaining. Narcissistic people are well what they are, and it is a hard road traveled in a love type relationship if you can handle one then you're extremely strong or you have a extreme channeling system to allow you to work around it. All the same I hate that I made you sad, I did not mean to do that. I guess I could have in retrospect just said its better to count our blessings than our misfortunes and we will find much to be pleased with. I tend to ramble. I am actually in the process of writing a book on the side now as I take breaks from it I check in here and such as that to clear my head.