I'm not doing so well. I drank and used the slot machine

I'm not doing so well.

I drank and used the slot machine and almost smacked my dog all in the completely opposite order.

I feel trapped within my own life, I can't breathe in this flat anymore and I hate my own thought processes.

I've spent the past few weeks anticipating more emotional abuse or actual violence.. Why the biggest part of me hopes it never ever happens.
Part of me wishes we could just get it out of the way.
I'd no doubt be in fear all over again, but at least for that day, may I briefly experience a state of calm?

The way I felt yesterday if he'd have started anything I think he would have ended up worse off. Maybe I can try to giggle to myself in hope.

I'm pretty sure he wants to be with someone else so all this may be for nothing, I'm so lonely

2 Hearts

So, seriously abusive relationship? Dude. Don't stay. Leave. Yes, it will be difficult. Perhaps very very difficult. But you've got that already, sounds like.

1 Heart

@SnoGlobe Thank you i’m sorry, i don’t get notified of all my responses and i haven’t been on the site for a day or two.

We are trying to spend more time together, hence the not being on the site, the internet can get in the way a lot.

It turned out the night i was drinking, i got so agitated that my man was scared of me, we most definitely have things to work out but i really don’t want to give up.

However, i assure you, especially if things ever get bad enough that there is physical violence on either side, we won’t be staying together.

i hope yo are well

Please, please, no matter how much you're hurting, don't hurt your dog.... he/she is not responsible for what is happening but is the only one who will give unconditional love. All the best to you. Hugs.

Yes, please don't hurt your dog. You will just be spreading the pain and hurt to them. Get help as to why you want to hurt other living beings when you feel hurt. Is that not what abusers do to us???