I'm not doing so well. I drank and used the slot machine

I'm not doing so well.

I drank and used the slot machine and almost smacked my dog all in the completely opposite order.

I feel trapped within my own life, I can't breathe in this flat anymore and I hate my own thought processes.

I've spent the past few weeks anticipating more emotional abuse or actual violence.. Why the biggest part of me hopes it never ever happens.
Part of me wishes we could just get it out of the way.
I'd no doubt be in fear all over again, but at least for that day, may I briefly experience a state of calm?

The way I felt yesterday if he'd have started anything I think he would have ended up worse off. Maybe I can try to giggle to myself in hope.

I'm pretty sure he wants to be with someone else so all this may be for nothing, I'm so lonely

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Very sorry you're going through such emotional turmoil right now. I know that it send like resorting to old, damaging behavior will bring you calm & happiness, but that's just temporary. Deep regret always follows. Hang in there!

@AndiAqua thank you, I wish I had a better start to our day, I’ve already had my man in tears so I already hate myself
Apparently he was actually scared of me last night which is a position no one should have to be in.
I guess neither of us are ok and right now we’re making each other worse.

sounds like it's the alcohol. can you tell your partner to stay away from you when you know you are going to drink a lot.

@Dana15 I would love to blame the alcohol but if anything I was in a foul state before and drank not that much so the drinking left me more with a sense of failure than any major contributory factor in my mood.
I think everything is just going down the potty

Yes, it's a bad feeling knowing you're scaring the person you love. No one wants to be that person. I'm surviving, thank you for asking :). Just trying to get through these last 2 hours of the night shift.

@AndiAqua what do you?

CNA in senior healthcare

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ok well hang in there..hope it turns around x

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