I'm not well at all today

i haven't been on the positive side in general but today it's all flowing over. i just feel in such a dark place, i don't know how to get out. i can't get out. it's all too much.
this is where i was a few months ago when i overdosed. i'm not saying i'll do anything again, no, i promised i wouldn't. but i just want to give up. it hurts being like this, being such a freak and by know even looking like one.
not even tears help anymore, i just want do be gone...

you aren't a freak. you are a beautiful woman and you help so many here! go through and read some posts you have put on other people's discussions and try to take some of your own advice.

you are such a great person and I care for you deeply. I hope you make it through today ok I am certainly keeping you close in my thoughts!

hug,
Ashley

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, honey. Just know that we're here for you if you need anything. HANG IN THERE!! I'm thinking of you. <3

I have seen your post and you help so many. I feel bad that you are feeling this way. I myself have been there many times. Think of all the good you have done for so many people here, When I read your post I try and take something from them also. You will bounce back and we will be here to cheer you on. Feel better.

Maedi I love you girl and it breaks my heart that your struggling so much lately :/
Does sharing your feelings with your husband help at all or tend to make everything worse?
You DO deserve to live, you HAVE A PLACE AND PURPOSE in this world and I dont want you to EVER think otherwise sweetie <3

our marriage is at the absolute low at the moment, for lots of reasons. i do still love him deeply but don’t feel close enough to him anymore to talk about anything really. it’s sad cause we used to be very good friends within our relationship. i hope we’ll gain it back over time.

thank you all so much for your kind comments and advice, i seriously appreciate it.
i'm glad to know that i can help people, i guess it gives me some purpose, hmm?!
i know i need to walk the walk as jan (bless you!!) said and it really frustrates me that i can't seem to make use of my own knowledge and experience. i really don't know what keeps me from doing so.

I'm in the same boat as you know, if your gonna talk the talk you gotta walk the walk...i find giving advice (although im not as good at it as you) to be very theraputic, but when it comes time to take into action all the advice i've given, i'm a scared little chicken.

very very pretty chicken though!

anyway, why is it so hard? is it really just cause we don’t care enough about ourselves?

i think perhaps for you and i as we are in similar circumstances feel there is no hope left for us so might as well help others....BUT thats bullshit...we need to be NUMBER ONE...we NEED to start taking action Maedi...like NOW!

right, let's take action. i'm thinking... what shall i do next? what shall gina do next? and everyone else who wants get involved, btw!!

Well, lets think about OURSELVES for once.....hmmm where to begin...

i think i need to stop worrying about thing that i can't control right now. i really shouldn't be thinking past thursday until i get off that plane.

gina, i think you should set yourself a new small goal again. it seemed to work so well for you and it gave you a great focus rather than the whole overwhelming life and future!

Yeah, maybe tommorow i will set a new goal..new some time to think about it.

hey there maedi... i hope its encouraging to you how all of us here on the support site HAVE FAITH IN YOU and KNOW you can gradually weed away this evil disease and its associated problems!!

keep posting and chatting with us. granted today you don't feel well but from what i've read - sometimes if you force yourself to say something positive it can begin to subtley change your mood.

you ARE worth it Maedi..

keep the faith.

xoxo,
caroline
battling my own demons... :( but nonetheless here for you and all others who are suffering through ED

thanks, darling! it is definitely encouraging, just thinking of everyone on here makes me smile, no matter what :-) everytime i'm falling again i really try to think of everone on here and of everything you all say.

we'll all get there at some point, we just gotta really fight through the deep lows rather than letting those **** diseases win!

love you all to bits
maedi