I'm related to a murderer

Hi. Its been over 3 years that my father killed his girlfriend at point blank range. He attempted a murder-suicide. However, he managed to survive after the bullet he put through his head didn't kill him. My father is not blind, sitting in a wheel chair in state prison with a 20 year sentence.

When I see support groups, they are all geared for the family and friend of the victim. However, I now have realized that what people fail to see is that the family of the murderer are also victims.

I am not asking for anyone to show me pity, or even for my father. I know that we he did was wrong. Sometimes I feel like I dont have the right to complain because it wasn't my mother who was murdered. However, I also feel that there has to be others going through the same emotional orderal. I just want to talk to people who have gone through similar experiences. I want to know, how do you cope when your father, mother, brother, sister, etc. is a murderer? How do you deal with those conflicting emotions?

I want to start a support group here in New Jersey for people like me, people related to a murderer. If you or someone you know is or has gone through a similar situation, I would love to hear your story...share experiences.

Thank you for reading this and appreciate any positive feedback. =)

And for those out there who have lost a familiy member due to domestic violence, I am so sorry for your loss.

i may not know that feeling when they pass that point of no return, but family history of mine says abuse to an extent, and I pass my days calm. I do think about where it began and where it stems in members in my family and conflicting emotions are a part of it also, its just a day by day process really.

could i first of all offer my support and suggest that u look at post tramatic stress syndrome as im sure u are suffering in some degree from it

its hard to know that someone u love has behaved so badly in the publics eyes but as no one knows the full story of what goes on behind closed doors we will never know all the answers no matter how much we try to find a solution
yes u are a victim just as much as anyone else and i would suggest u look for some proffessional help as u might have a touch of anxiety and stress to deal with due to others comments and a group for all victims no matter who they are sounds like a great idea let me know how it goes

be kind to u today
love D

I'm so sorry, uniquebeauty. I haven't been in this situation, but I feel for you. It has to be so hard to be going through this. It's not something you hear about often. I'm glad you have the courage to talk about it, and I think starting a support group in your area is a wonderful idea.

Keep us posted!

Hi. Thank you for the wonderful feedback =)

When a family member does something like that it is normal that it effects you. We look to parents as roll models and it tears us up when an example is given that we know is so wrong. I think part of it is a worry that if a person we looked up to could do that then we could also do it.

Hi! I want to thank you for your comment, esp the latter part. I always think “If his blood runs through my veins, then what does that make me, or could make me?”.

I am so sorry for your OWN LOSS uniqueB,
I have never been in your shoes
that said w/o having been I do see and hear you w/ the need for you to have support as it was a loss to you too.
and a very difficult position to be in.
I admire you to look for help, to share and to find others that may , most likely have the same array of difficult emotions to process
and that that "help" may not seem forthcoming due to the particulars.
But I feel that it is a loss to you and that you need support for that , maybe in some sense even more.
I shall say a prayer for you that you find what you are looking for and
rise above this situation of pain ..it has got to be a very difficult place to be, so I hope you do find others who can comfort and assist you during this time and to find your own well being and your own sense of closure
or what have you that you need to be whole and healthy.

Hi! thank you so much for your kind words. Im not sure if I will ever have a sense of closure but I know that God has got my back. May he bless you too =)

unique beauty

i hope u are doing well and that u have managed to get a group of some sort started but even if u havent i hope u are making full use of the help that is out there and beginning to come to terms with everything

have a great day and be kind to yourself

love D

uniquebeauty... I am sorta of in the same situation as you... my father killed a man in what I believe now to have been in cold blood... despite his attempts at trying to convince me that it was in self-defense, my heart shattered while sitting in the courtroom hearing the autopsy examiner say that one of the shots entered the mans body from his back... besides feeling like the father that 'i knew' (thought I knew in this case) had died,,, it's really hard not having the closure as one would get from one having a funeral. I also 'lost' a sister on the second day of his trial after she'd asked me what I thought about the whole situation... after I told her that I didn't know, because I wasn't their, I asked her what she thought about it.. and she replied (laughing) saying, "I think he's finally done something he's not going to get away with"...... she then started accusing me of all sorts of things, even claiming that I'd called her fat when in fact I'd called myself fat earlier in the day. crazy, I know right... but that really hurt as me and my sister used to be really close at one time,, of all people she should have known me better than to say something like that to anyone esp. to her. Anyhow, I was glad to have found someone else that feels the same as I do... I hope that you have found a better way to cope....

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse

From Mental & Physical Abuse to Grief & Loss