I'm still not sure if my ex boyfriend is a narcissist or just an a-hole. He can be so sweet and loving at times and seems very compassionate. He even cuddles in bed. He is very much into New Age philosophy and spirituality and seems to know everything about God and self-awareness. He is very good looking , charming , witty and intelligent. He does however, have a superior attitude and thinks he is better than everybody else. He never has a job and his parents basically support him. He never makes a commitment to me and says attachments and expectations are unhealthy in a relationship. He is constantly looking in the mirror and saying how good looking he is, and when I call him on it, he says he is kidding. I once accused him of being a narcissist and his reply was "if I was a narcissist you would know it." He constantly uses other people and then talks behind their backs saying how stupid they are. When people don't like him he says they're just jealous of him. He has a bunch of women friends and is always flirting with them on Facebook. I don't know if he has ever actually cheated on me but when I suspect he does I break up with him. He makes me feel insecure and jealous. Somehow it always ends up being my fault and I'm just being over sensitive and irrational. He flip flops between me and his ex girlfriend before me. He has been doing this for 2 years.. When I dump him he goes back to her and then rubs it in my face. I have taken him back twice, but my intellect tells me no. My heart tells me stay. He says he loves me and cares about me, but is never there when I really need him. He doesn't seem interested in anything about my life. He is obsessed with conspiracy theories and wants me to believe these theories as well. It is like he's trying to clone me into being a mini version of him. He demands constant attention and affirmation and if he doesn't get it from me he gets it from other women. I am so confused. Some times I feel like such a witch and like its all my fault. I would appreciate some feedback. Thank you very much.
When I say ex "boyfriend" I guess that is not the case, since he doesn't believe in labels. I guess I was just a "friend with benefits".
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201311/6-signs-narcissism-you-may-not-know-about
This is a good article on traits of a narc. Also read lucyrising.com . that was done by a member here.
Thank you for your links Yellowrose. I have read many articles and I just don't know why I am still in denial. I really thought he loved me and every time he wants to get back I think "oh, he has finally come to his senses and realizes I am the one." Like I can cure him or something. Lol.
When I read about narcs it was because I wanted to manage the situation. When I realized that it was unmanageable my focus changed to me and that's when healing began. Narcs want your focus to be on them. It binds you to them. If you accept that it won't change, it is hopeless, the grip starts to loosen.
@osmom So true. I am learning more with each passing hour and day…keep the supportive thoughts and words going, PLEASE.
Tabylady... You are awesome! I have started reading your site and it has been mind blowing. I love the story about Lucy and Dracula. You are a great writer. I am almost done with mod 2. It all reaffirms what I have known for awhile now. It is just when I am captured under his spell, my brain stops working and I second guess everything. I don't understand how he can be so convincing at making me think he is this evolved, spiritual guy who is truly trying to better himself and get rid of his demons and is able and willing to give his selfless, bleeding heart now. He writes beautiful poetry. Actually, he probably stole the poems from someone else! I must remember that actions speak louder than words. And no matter how hard he tries (or seems to try) he keeps getting caught up in his web of lies and cruel behavior. I am one of his "supplies" that has actually had the courage to call him on his crap. I just can't be around him.
I found the more they know about God and just any type of power based knowledge that it only helps them become stronger in their deception and justification of the things they do..Actions are the only honest reflection of their true beliefs. I can't believe I took him back so many times just because he used our foundation of Christianity as our common denominator to fight for His right to continue to be in my life...ugh!!! If it's all too exhausting and you always come out of it wondering what happened to the person that you used to be before him it means you are headed down a rollercoaster with a narcissist...I wish I would of never got on!! almost killed me.
@tabbylady and “You Don’t Own Me.” - had that playing all last weekend.
@Yellowrose I have found out through reading a lot of different material about narcissist and sociopaths that they use God in a way to justify and help them seek empathy...so they learned that God forgives and now it's like someone gave them a hall pass to make peoples lives hell...well God may forgive but not in the way they are hoping. I use to believe that he was under attack by the devil because they convinced me that the Devil seeks Gods worthiest Angels with the most tenacity...well I guess tenacity means that they make our lives hell and we just keep on praying and believing in them. The funny thing is now he is in a whole different type of Club...A Motorcycle club and just like he convinced people to seek God he has convinced them that this is such a phenomenol group...of criminals that is..it blows my mind how they can do extremes like they have no care in the world...oh that's right..they don't. It's so much harder on the people who have a true heart of love and forgiveness and it ends up being the thing that attracted them to us in the first place...Trust me I went back 100 too many times so I have heard it all and God was used as his main manipulating factor and now he couldn't be any further from Christianity if God explained it Himself...but he still thinks he is in this group the be their savior and be the connection to God that they never had...yah...nice reasoning to leave your kids and think parenting is easy as paying child support...sick but honestly I'm happy he has moved on to his new subjects...sorry it's been a hard morning...so I may sound harsh..it's so nice to reach out to people who get it...if I know anything is the best way to heal is to help others heal.