Im tired of who i am

Thanks for replying. I’ll consider those ideas.

going to university, changed my life. Just having classes early in the morning, being forced to push myself, get my groceries carrying them to the bus and home etc., was what I needed to force myself to get my life in order. Therapy is good but I think most of my forward progression came from these external forces. It’s hard to find “motivation” on your own. I know one of my issues is people pleasing, so having meetings early in the morning like classes helps get the routine established. Once youre forced to rise early every day, your sleep corrects itself and you go to bed earlier. Switch to buying decaf coffee if you drink caffeine, cut down to one glass a day, and only drink caffeine before 12am. That can be helpful, because if you have any form of childhood trauma your body is already in heightened alert states. Maybe youve already tried all this though, but this is what helped me a lot. Drinking a cold glass of water as soon as your eyes open, or having your shower stuff ready to go by your bed, is like the fastest way to get the day started. Stepping into a cold shower is great, and if you dont have anywhere to be, you could say ok I just have to shower and Im treating myself to a coffee date today, or Im treating myself a chocolate bar this morning, or Im taking my dog for a walk —these could be cool things to try to establish some sort of routine. Even if it isnt YOUR dog, you can volunteer to walk someone else’s dog for them. You deserve to be happy. and if you can get out of your house, it is way easier.

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I dont think voluteering in brazil is the same as in usa, or other places, i think we have co op here but it might be different, i dont think companies are paid by the government, there are internships and to me thats what you said, we have some non paid ones as well that think its just absurd, the whole thing about it is absurd, i was looking into something but im not sure, im scared of the future and i hate that i need to stay in the place i hate to afford leaving it

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Instead of fixing your insomnia, use it, try to find jobs that you work on the hours you are awake, its very tough hours but then when you have some money you can leave, i have no idea how i “fixed” my schedule and its very easy for me to break it again, i always stay awake for 24 hours and the following days i start waking up earlier, im sure you tried it but why not remember it, right? I want to do therapy as well and i know how slow it is and im not looking forward to it, but keep it up!

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I didnt read all your post and you reminded how much i hate routine, i do think of walking others people’s dog but i only have time in the night and would kill me completely, and it sounds like im making excuses but i hate to be tired cuz i never stop feeling it

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Sorry for the delay, couldnt find your answer in the new website. I am 25 (pls dont say im young, i know in your eyes im a baby but i hate to hear it or read or think about it), its been going for at least one year, since im this job for one year and a half but i struggle with a lot of things for a while, im kinda scared of medication and i dislike taking it, im afraid of what it will do to my body and all (not that i treat it that good but) im in the search of a psychologist lately, i just need to accept that the world doesnt work in the hours i want and do in the hours other people can, i enjoy your writing

you’re not making excuses, at least you know what you don’t like, it sounds like you enjoy novelty. What about working as like a surf instructor or something exciting like that? Or if you like art, something like… mural artist, or if you like music you could play in some pub, or dance instructor… what do you enjoy doing? It’s always possible to enjoy your career, if you give yourself permission to pursue what you really want. In the meantime just have a temporary job, I find it’s easier to have a job that isn’t AMAZING as long as I am also building a ladder towards the career I actually want.

ah you’re in Brazil. Im in canada. I have a friend who is studying here, he worked in architecture for a while ans then went to canada to study fine arts… he talked a bit about Brazil, one strong point is that your culture is very friendly, and you can have supportive people less likely to feel isolated. Id say try to network as much as possible, in the career you feel interested in. You can always try things and get work experience, and then switch jobs to narrow down what you like.

I tried finding people in the areas i liked but i found it hard and i like many things, i feel like that is a problem as well, im just so lost and scared that im paralyzed, i dont think your ideas would work in brazil and for me specifically, but thanks for the replies

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that frozen paralyzed state, is a normal reaction to stress, I think that your many interests are not a problem, they could be a very big asset in the long term. For now, if I were you I would just focus on one thing, finding a job in the present moment, if you don’t have one already. Look at your skills, and make a list of what you are good at, and make a list of all the activities, volunteer experiences and paid employed experiences you have had. It all counts as showing people you are capable. Based on that, try to figure out what kinds of roles you currently fit in. Based on that, apply for jobs. Once you have a job, look for your dream sort of job or jobs. Look at their requirements (ignore th 3-5 years of experience requirements). List their requirements, and while employed try to learn all the skills they require. Build a bridge to your dream career. It doesnt have to happen right NOW. Just as long as you have a vague sense of your direction, your path will emerge more obviously as you start walking towards it. Usually if you are in a company, you can get experience there, that will give you transferrable skills to other fields or jobs. E.g. I knew someome who has a history degree, worked at a coffee shop for a year where he made coffee, but also managed their accounts and inventory after a few months, and updated their social media pages. He used that experienfe to apply to work at a bank, and got hired. So he could just as easily have applied to work as a graphic designer, or gotten into marketing. The idea that you are stuck is a myth, you just need to revamp your resume and keep applying to jobs you want. But it helps to be emplpyed first, anywhere. Ypu got this. Unfreeze. Start witj your resume.

Im 36 next month. I can not hold a conversation with others. Heat, cold, water effects me greatly still and i get really sick easily to temperature changes quickly. No construction jobs can help me in NC. Maybe nj, but not here. I simply have to accept that i was not going to make it far. I could have stepped into a lightning bolt back in nj. I won’t make it much longer. It’s just NC. I need to tell my employer that I am leaving for another state. I don’t know what to say correctly and i have to fight with my parents and wife. It’s over…

if you were able to have a job and even get a wife, Im sure you can hold a conversation with people, you’re just going through stuff.I think it may be good for you to hold onto your job and dont move until you secure a job elsewhere, whereever you can access counseling. I think that can help a lot, or even online counseling with a certified counselor? You got this, you seem like a lovely person. You’re only 36. Thats not very old at all. Im 31 and feel like I only just started feeling like I know myself, and many days I dont. Maybe you’re just in need of talking to someone.

Also, just want to say you are a great conversationalist. dont worry so much. You just need to figure out why you think you arent.

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