I'm trying so hard to get past my husband's affair but the m

I'm trying so hard to get past my husband's affair but the mental picture of the act is imprinted in my mind. How do I get past that?

3 Hearts

It will just take time. I read sext messages and saw videos & pics between my wife and the OM. Those words and images have driven me crazy since July and I don't see that changing any time soon. One thing my therapist said was that I should just go with it. If my mind takes me there, give myself a few chances to redirect my thoughts but if I can't, then let my mind search those visuals. Give yourself one time each day for those "dark feelings". If you allow your mind a chance to dwell on them, sooner or later your brain will get bored and want to focus on something else. Other tip is to discuss them with your husband. Let him know the mental pictures you are seeing. Obviously this tip assume you're on speaking terms.

Last thing: this sounds dumb, but try to smile. Force it if you have to. I've read that the physical act actually releases chemicals in the brain that stimulate happiness, even if you're faking it. Over time it won't feel as forced and you'll do it without thinking.

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@Piwo33
Wow, you saw pics and videos?? What kind of videos?? Videos of them actually having sex?

Thank you for your suggestions. My husband and are on speaking terms. We are trying to work through this. But I can't help but feel unattractive and unwanted. I don't know how to get out of the dark thoughts. Any time ita quiet and I'm alone I start freaking out. I want to cry and scream. And I work 10-15 hours a day with at least 7 hours of being completely alone. And I work at night which makes it worse for me. I try to distract myself but I feel lost and I'm an emotional roller coaster that is falling apart

1 Heart

Remember, we have control over what we think about! It's done, it's in the past. Nothing is going to change the fact of what's been done.

1 Heart

@JoyBme
I’m trying to keep that in mind, but she’s pregnant and saying it’s my husband’s and I found all this out less then a week ago so I’m still reeling

I'm sorry Agray. I'm dealing with my girlfriend of 4 years cheating too. She wanted space (to meet a new guy) and I flew out to propose, cause I thought her problem was that I wouldn't commit. It wasn't. She had found someone else.

It's got to be terrible to have the pregnancy added on top, and all those questions. We may not get back together, but at least in my case the guy she met is out of state and I think it's over.

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@JTwelve
That would be great if she was out of state. However she isn’t, in fact she just left the house! …I had to lI’ve there for three days after I found out!

Oh boy, I'm so sorry! That's tough! You are dealing with a lot. I wouldn't put up with that! If she is pregnant, I'd be kicking his arse out the door because I wouldn't want anything to do with either of them. You have some huge decisions to make! Big hug to you love! I know your heart is aching, I'm so sorry but you will get through this!

I’m sorry for what you going through. I can relate when my boyfriend cheated on me and got the girl pregnant. Those thoughts and images can really do a lot to a person. Be strong and do stuff to distract you, and although it’s hard try not to think about it

Get even. Have an affair.

1 Heart

@Aks29
I’m sorry, that’s not going to make it any better. Two
Wrongs don’t make it right. This lady is hurting, come on now! Be supportive please!

I already insisted. And yes, I know she's had mutiple affairs. Her and her husband has separated 3 or 4 times. She cheated on him since the very beginning of their marriage. She's admitted to them, i never liked it but that was my brother in laws decision & I never thought my husband would be so stupid!

@Agray86 You lost me. How is your brother-in-law involved in this?

Because the women my husband slept with, is his brothers wife

@Agray86
Got it now. Wow, just wow! Your husband, does he lack morals? Is he lacking self confidence or is it the brothers wife self esteem and self respect. I just want to give you a big hug! You don’t deserve any of this BS. I’m just a stranger and very shocked at this whole story! It sounds like a damn Jerry Springer show. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry you’re caught up in all this chaos!
What are you going to do next?

Agray86, you get the picture out of your mind by picturing your self some where far away for this situation. Then go there. You have to leave, Right?

Mental images get better although I do have one that still shows up here and there- probably because it was the most hurtful aspect of my wife's affair and I'm not past it. But, I've found the best healing for the images is to write over them with new memories.

@whyOwhy
What is the one image that you are dealing with?? Or would you rather not say? I have a feel bad images myself that I am having difficulty with, no fun at all, anxiety because of all this is brutal.

My husband got the ow pregnant too. I understand what you are going thru. She wasn't my sister in law, but she did insert herself and her husband into my family pretending to be my friend thru the entire affair and before (about 6 mos). I have a hard time with the mental images too. They get better, I'm only a little over a month past finding out. They are still bad, but working with my h thru it has actually helped. The ow has a long history of miscarriages and/or being barren, so I'm praying she miscarries or was lying about being pregnant, she said she went to a dr too, but we have no contact with her so there is no way of knowing. I try not to think about the baby. The affair is big enough to handle, I wasn't pregnant, but I had been begging my husband for another baby this whole past year and he kept refusing. So I at least partly understand that hurt as well, although your miscarriage is a whole nother hurt by itself too. I thought there was no way I would ever take my husband back after I found out about the pregnancy, but he has become almost a different person the past month. We agreed if there is a baby, he will have to find a different job out of state. No matter what. There is no way I could put my kids or myself thru having a bast*rd half sibling and risk it being brought around or seeing it. Esp knowing it should have been my baby. It hurts so much. I'm so sorry you had this happen to you. It does get better. Slowly slowly slowly. Esp if your husband puts in the steps to help you heal too.