I'm trying so hard to maintain my sanity

Lately due to an extremely ugly divorce from a very abusive man, who abused me every way you could possibly think of verbal, physical, mental, spiritual he raped me and physically beat me on a daily basis to gain more power of me this lasted for a little over a decade at first me and my son got away from him but I trusted his family to help me out since I thought I could trust them after 10 yrs , somehow in my fear and my lack of knowledge of the divorce process my ex manipulated the system to work in his favor he took everything from me including my son now after continued threats form him and his family if I was ever to try to regain custody of my son they said I would suffer even more. So now I live in fear of my life , my son's well-being and I have little knowledge of what to do next? I relive the abuse over an over again in my head every night I wake up from a horrible violent memory my body shaking , a shortness of breath and an uncontrollable crying almost powerless to stop once it starts I now am almost afraid to sleep now I can't sleep unless completely exhausted. at first all memories were sort of blocked out i just kept having a really bad memory as if I was avoiding in denial about the truth but since that monster took my son and my ex wont allow me to see or speak to him in the last year my grief and feeling powerless at the moment brought back everything else painful he has caused over an over again.

I am so sorry for what you have been through but I promise you this he will get what he deserves in the end. Keep your head up hun, it will work out. I have also been in 2 very abusive relationships, mostly emotional & verbal. I live with the ugly words & low self esteem & horrible nightmares. We have to stick together & not let them win. Thank you for being so brave & telling us what you have been through. I am very disappointed at his family just because he's their son does'nt make it right for them to do that to you. You will be in my thoughts & prayers hun.

Thank you so much for your kind words

Your very welcome hun. I will be here when you need to talk. If you would like we could chat by phone. Let me know if that's ok or if you just want to continue chatting on here :-)

Take Care

aidansmom22881 .... I don't know what state you live in but there are legal resources for you. Your ex can't deny you time with your son unless the courts deemed this to be so.

And, even if the courts did say you can't see your son, you can petition the court to reverse this decision.

As for the ex and his family: Keep records of everything!!! I personally record all my phone calls and I carry around a small digital recorder. My ex never sees it in my pocket.

Note: I am not sure what state you live in, but before you secretly record someone, please check the laws. In New York I can record any conversation with someone else. However, if there is another party (a third party) to the conversation I have to tell them I am recording it.

And, believe it or not, after I have told everyone (including the ex) that I am recording them they still carry on like they did before. Granted, some people act guarded at first but they soon revert to who they really are. :)

Good luck! And, remember there is help out there for you. You may even try those legal websites and phone numbers that are out there. They maybe limited in what they can do for you but the advice can really be worth it. They could help point you in the right direction.