I'm unraveling. Yesterday to cope with my stress I drank a bottle of wine and smoked weed. I showed up to work today an hour late, then at lunch I fell asleep in my car for two hours, people were looking for me the entire time. I'm stressed and i'm trying so hard but I feel like I just set myself back. I left for the day and i'm working from home the rest of the day, i'm just feeling so much pain.
For me i always found more pain trying to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. When the pain was great enough real change began but took honesty. Pain in my leg means don't put pressure on my leg, pain in my mind means change the way i live. I have been clean many year and pain found me several times over that span but often great healing occurred and big things and opportunities opened up traveling thru that pain. I used the rooms on A/A and N/A and can't sat where you will find what your looking for but have faith. Regardless if you believe in god or not whatever you believe in talk to him, is she or whatever it is. Be honest and for me god answers me in many different ways. good luck
Forget about what happen and move forward. Get stuck in what you did will suck the life out of you. I would make some goals, a better place where you can be happy. Make a plan how you will get there then do it. By now you should know where the alcohol and weed will get you. No need to label yourself insane and repeat the same mistakes.
@chaoticlife I kind of feel stuck in the sense that I don’t know what the plan is? I’m just kind of flailing around trying to show up for work and handling errands and keeping the house clean. I don’t know what I need to do.
If it were me I would just research topics on health, wealth, love, and happiness and make a plan. It might help you feel more prepared for life easing your burden.
@chaoticlife and how exactly does that address the symptoms of ptsd. Unresolved trauma causes ptsd. It needs to be dealt with or it will forever torment you.
I for sure know my way of coping has to go. But I feel like I've tried so many things i'm kind of lost.
@Romans8 That might be because you are trying to find a quick fix. You need to do the work every day. Showing up (at therapy, in AA) and filling a seat for an hour each time isn’t enough. You also need to put into action what those places are teaching you. Do the work. Therapy will help you process the trauma. AA will help you get clean. And doing the work, the book, practicing what they’ve told you, will give you the skills to cope.
Wish I liked weed, just saying
Gonna be blunt here forgive me if too pushy, but I'm in AA and that's how people say it sometimes: Get your butt to an AA and/or N/A meeting, and do it every day for months. Go to multiple meetings a day, if you are so stressed and you wanna smoke or drink, go to a meeting instead. At least that is one hour you can't be drinking or smoking. Bottom line you want your PTSD to get worse, keep doing what you are doing. I learned that the hard way. Drinking I put myself in some bad situations that now I have bad PTSD from. It only gets worse if you keep it up - there is a way out. AA and NA are not perfect, but I believe they are pretty darn good if you are looking for a new life. Even if you don't agree with everything people say, just go and keep going. - sorry if too forward, but I assumed you were looking for advice.
@T123 well said. Personally, I’ve got over 2 1/2 years clean which is double my using time. PTSD came first, then using to deal with symptoms, then getting arrested because of my behavior, then getting clean, then dealing with the trauma. Now? Now I’m leading a psycho-educational ptsd program that I designed to a bunch of firefighters and other emergency responders. How? I showed up, listened, and did the work even when it was really really hard.
Sorry you had to go through that... what matters is your follow up actions. try not to beat yourself up too much. that in of itself can be more frustrating than the drinking on its own.
Hi Romans8, My doctor say that I drink alcohol only to treat my anxiety. I even don't like it, but it is like a medecine. You have to treat the reason of your anxiety, or take medicines to treat the anxiety and you will not need alcohol. It is only my experience.
@samara80 What you are saying is more than your experience. It’s backed by most of the medical profession. Don’t cut yourself short!
I like your tagname Romans8. There is a lot of good stuff in that chapter of the Bible. Good for the soul to read that often. Reach out to others when you get tempted to drink. Volunteering is a good thing to do - there you will find purpose and fill yourself up. Hopefully that keeps you away from doing the less desirable things. Prayers for you to be successful in this!
Romans8, how do you feel about reaching out to a therapist for immediate personal attention? Peace.
There is a direct connection between ptsd and addiction. Yes, I know, we use/drink to self medicate from the ptsd symptoms (I'm 2 1/2 years clean). Like samara said, you gotta get deal with the underlying reasons you are drinking. Like you said, you are unravelling. Like Bloodstone said, reaching out to your therapist will allow you to start working on the cause of the drinking. I suggest going to an AA meeting and start dealing with your drinking. It's a slippery slope and it sounds like you are quickly sliding to your bottom. Only you can control how ugly that bottom needs to be before you ask for help.
@Round3 thank you. I have therapy twice weekly and we identified I dipped to a low place because there were huge stressors happening combined with my hormonal issues and I didn’t know how to cope.
I hear ya. It's kind of funny for me. I was at the height of ptsd symptoms when I was also pre-menopausal and was using pills to cope. I can't say what was causing the mood swings, rage, night sweats, etc. I do know that once I got off the pills (not meds) I was able to start dealing with the other stuff. Start with an AA meeting. LOTS of free support there. For coping, your therapist should be offering you tools. You can also try this book, it helped me lots. The PTSD Workbook; Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms, by Mary Beth Williams and Soili Poijula. About $25 from Amazon.
@Round3 thank you! Very helpful