In a relationship for 31 years. From the beginning it was not the best. It was comfortable and I could tell him anything. That is not to say there was yelling, cussing, and I think somewhat of control. I became pregnant and we have kids and grandchildren together. Though out all the years it was basically the same. He took what he wanted even if that was bill money, gas money, or any else. He never understood cause says you always get it back. He did what he wanted and nothing you said much mattered. Now sometimes things would be great and he would listen but most of the time he wouldn’t. I have kicked him out many times over the years cause things would escalate and I couldn’t take anymore. I am not perfect in this at all I messed up by showing no attention and separating ourselves for him to do his thing and me do what ever. The attention would mostly come from him. No matter what you tried to do foe him he was never satisfied. My problem is I always take him back. This last time I begged him to come back. Why?
He is gone and I want to stop this pattern. I am just not sure I can or the support to keep me from it
Thank you
Dear Tootles,
Do something just for you. Then do another.
See a counselor who specializes in relationships.
You need help for you.
Pray for the answers you are looking for.
If you really don't want him back, pack his stuff up.
And then say "adios."
I am sorry, Tootles!
Someone already suggested it to you but I believe too that it would be very helpful for you to talk with a counselor or a therapist. There are professionals who specialize in relationships, but even one who just helps you with how you feel will be good for you. You are not alone and what you are experiencing happens to other people too. You still have a lot of years left in your life and a therapist can provide you guidance and help you and your future years don't have to be a repeat of the past ones. All of us are imperfect people! Without God's help, we all would be lost. I hope that God blesses you a lot.
@LWoodall I agree with therapy. @Tootles10: Al anon may be a free alternative for codependency issues. Change is scary for most of us, plus 31 yrs sounds like much of your life. Taking a plunge into the unknown is no easy task. Perhaps one of the difficulties is he may act better briefly, or love bomb, to get back in your good graces. Of course, I’m sure he is not 100% bad, few people, if any, are. It is up to you to decide what is healthy and reasonable for you to live with. I suggest individual therapy for you alone. Couples therapy can be a waste if your husband is not really motivated to truly do the work required. Best wishes.