In despair from erection problems

I don't really know where to begin with this--I think it's just very hard to talk about and staying so closed up about it is starting to severely depress me.

My wife and I used to have lots of good sex with the occasional problem--now it seems like I have problems every time. I get it up, and then when it comes time for penetration I lose it. Sometimes, when we stop and lay back down naked, it comes up on its own and we can have sex, but even that is happening less frequently. And my wife is losing patience with it I think. It of course affects her self esteem as well. She isn't into alternatives--so as much as I would like to help her out even without my erection she is not interested.

I feel completely robbed of my manhood--like something is deeply wrong with me. We have been together for 5 years, for the first 3 years things went mostly smoothly--then it has been very difficult for the last two years. I have tried viagra from time to time--but it seems like my wife is never in the mood if we plan things.

I am really completely lost. We men are supposed to always be ready for sex--that's how its shown. If we aren't it feels like--well it's indescribable. It feels utterly humiliating. Does it mean I am losing interest in her? That I'm gay?

There are so many reasons for ED and the reasons are not most likely that you aren't in to her, since you can get it up, but just can't keep it up and if you were Gay, you would know.

Since you have probably been to the doctor since you have the little blue pill, here are some natural treatments that you might want to consider:

Bear in mind that some of the problems leading to erectile dysfunction may lend themselves to the following non-drug (and cost-free) solutions:
•Stop smoking. Nicotine can reduce genital blood flow and impair potency.
•Check your meds. ED and sexual dysfunction are unfortunate side effects of many drugs. Consult with your pharmacist or doctor regarding substituting alternate medication without these effects.
•Limit alcohol consumption. Alcohol’s depressive effects can have a negative impact on sexual functioning.
•Shape up. ED is often linked with restricted blood flow to the penis. Keep your heart and arteries in good condition by maintaining a healthy weight, and following a diet high in fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Avoid saturated fats and trans fats. Regular aerobic exercise can both improve blood flow to the genitals and reduce the stress that can contribute to ED.
•Deal with anxiety, depression and stress. These feelings may undermine desire and potency. Practice a daily stress-reduction technique such as breath work, meditation or yoga. Talk with your partner openly and honestly about your needs – and their needs – to help ease relationship tensions and avoid resentment and misunderstandings.
•Don’t worry about your age. Sexual activity needn’t end because of age – that’s a myth you can discard.

•Ginkgo. This herb may improve arousal in both men and women, perhaps by increasing blood flow to the genitals. It should not be used by those on blood thinners such as coumadin.
•Yohimbe. This comes from the bark of an African tree, Pausinystalia yohimbe, is the basis of several pharmaceutical drugs used to treat impotence. It contains an alkaloid, yohimbine, which previously was the only drug listed in the Physician's Desk Reference as a sexual booster. This herb, however prized as an aphrodisiac, can have some side effects (agitation, anxiety and insomnia) that make many men prefer not to use it. Yohimbe bark and extracts are occasionally available in health food stores, but I do not recommend them.

As an alternative, try taking ashwagandha or a standardized extract of Asian ginseng. Ashwagandha, from the roots of a plant in the nightshade family called Withania somnifera, is reputed to be a mild aphrodisiac and has long been popular in India. Asian ginseng, or Panax ginseng, is a good general stimulant and sexual energizer. For either, follow the dosage on the package, and give it a six or eight week trial to have an effect. Both ashwagandha and Asian ginseng are generally safe (but Asian ginseng can raise blood pressure and cause irritability and insomnia in some people).

Wishing you all the best-

Thanks CK--I think my biggest issue is the stress/depression/anxiety thing, I know that. But when you are dealing with this alone in your head-I don't know, sometimes it gets overwhelming. Thanks for the advice--the gingko sounds good and I have been meaning to do yoga and meditation for a long time now--perhaps this is a good kick in the pants to do just that.

I am 35 years old and a newly wed. I have a very stressful job sales in the midwest, I maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle, I don't smoke, eat red meat, occasionally drink, need more sleep, yadda yadda yadda. I feel horrible and yes, my wife HAS lost her patience with me. I have suffered in silence for quite sometime, with a rectal bleeding issue, that I believe causes me to be embarrassed. That might be the cause of ED, I do get erections and they do just magically go away and it is horribly frustrating. I am at such a loss, my wife cannot understand the loss of self I feel by this, and I just don't have the energy to continually tell her its not her, and its me and its scary as hell to deal with this. I don't know what to do here!

I've dealt with this conditon for nearly 20 years now. I tried everything, litterally everything listed in previous posts on this thread. Keep in mind we all vary to some degree in success with any treatment. The key is do not give up!!! Hopefully your marriage is strong enough to sustain the time, patience and understanding require of both partners? Mine has taken some very tough turns and met many hurdles over 33 years together, so about age 35 I began to have trouble. My doctor 20 years ago tried all of the natural helpers listed above and we tried Caverject at a time and it was successful, my wife did not mind the idea that I had to prepare ahead of time but over time the injections directly into the shaft of the penis became quite painful for me, I beleive it caused more harm than good in my case so I stopped using it. The best answer has been the vaccuum system and although it is a little inconvenient it is effective and you and your partner will learn to slow down a little and move a little differently due to what is called pivot, your penis is full but the base is still quite flexible allowing for slip out or the flop. Hypertension, weight and exercise I also believe are intergal aspects to consider as are stress and anxiety. I have been on a weight loss program dropping 90lbs in a year and changed my diet dramtically. Now that I am finding greater ability to become active again I am also feeling a little life coming back to "Peter" so I have a much brighter outlook ahaed and hope to be able to drop the pump soon! Using the VAC system always keep in mind the bands must be correct. Dont flatter yourself thinking you need the "BIG" bands. Start out large and see how it works, if you lose erection try smaller. Good luck and remember dont give up! Sex and lovemaking are the best way "extend" your happiness and relieve stress.

I have suffered with ED for ten years. It finally got to a point the wife was ready to leave for good
I bought a VED but have problems with getting an erection with it

Any helpful tip

Be sure you use the correct band size and tension. TIP: you may want to the bushes a little too rather than tearing them out by the roots when you pull off the band :wink: cheaper one size fits all devices and bands are not ideal. Weight loss has been very helpful for me in this area as well as other areas too.