Hi everyone, I'm in need of some advice and support to get through my current situation. I´ve been separated for a year and half now and I'm about to start divorce papers, but it's so hard that I can´t get myself to do it even though I know there is no other solution. This is my second divorce and I can't help thinking that maybe I will never have the relationship I know I deserve. Please help, I'm so confused and sad.
You could try starting new on a dating website or meeting people similar to your interests or faith? try bonding with the person and astablishing a good relationship before jumping into marriages, make sure its clear in your mind and your partners mind that marriage is a good oppurtunity to take up.
Thank you for your words. I actually thought I had bonded with both of them before we did finally decide to get married, but sometimes things are just hard to understand. Maybe I should have mentioned that the first time I got married very very young and I guess neither of us were prepared and then it actually took me six years to start a new relationship. I waited so long to get married again and now after eight years of marriage it’s very hard to loose the dream again. I’m going to keep strong and be positive because I know there is nothing else I can do.
God bless you for taking the time to write to me.
Sole,
I just want you to know you'll find someone else. There are plenty of people out there.
Therapists and pastors have told me that its best to not get involved with someone else to fast. That each of us needs time to heal our wounds ie, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Many times if we enter into another relationship we tend to bring some of our baggage with us if we haven't worked first on ourselves.
I'm in a similar situation as you are. I would like another relationship at this time it would help with the pain but its not fair to that person or myself. I'm actually trying to get more involved with my church at this time until my wounds heal. Not sure if this helps you out any but i hope it does. Don't worry there are lots of people out there for you it'll just take a little time but you'll find someone.
Thank you for your positive words. Just to read them makes me feel better. I’m having a hard time understanding why this is happening to me again. I believe in love, family and marriage and I love to be in a loving relationship, but things happen that are hard to cope with and I’m having a hard time letting go of the dream. I know I have to and I want to believe there is someone out there who will actually share my dream, but at the moment I’m pretty sad and I just can’t get myself to move on.
I know talking to you guys and sharing will help me. Thank you
I am not sure how much advice I can give you as I am in an unhappy marriage right now and I am contemplating divorce. It is a real emotional process. Ask yourself if you would be happy if you stayed married to this person? Being alone is a hard thing to wrap myself around but when I think about being in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life, I don't think I could live with myself. It really sounds like you want more. Me too. I think that there is true love out there and it's just a matter of finding it. Stay strong. We are here if you need to talk.
crazymom
Thank you crazymom for sharing your experience with me. My situation is a bit strange and hard for some people to understand and I guess that makes it even harder. You see, I waited for a long time before I got into a relationship again, I knew exactly what I wanted this time around (my first marriage I was very young) and now after 8 years of marriage everything has gone to pieces. My soon to be ex husband is a great man and I have nothing bad to say about him except that he has a strange relationship with his mom that I have been unable to cope with. It’s so much harder to let go when it seems that the problems come from outside and not inside the actual relationship. I have such a hard time understanding why anyone would be willing to let go of a good marriage and a wonderful son over well… his mom??? I know there is nothing left to do in this relationship and Yes I do want more but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Thank you so much for listening to me. I’ve been very sad lately.
I was in a bad marriage for over 5 years. I stayed with him for our children. He was mentally and emotionally abusive to me, and I put up with it even though I was unhappy. When he started the physical abuse and refused to continue in that relationship. I knew I had to get out but it was still very hard. I doubted myself many times and leaned on my friends sometimes too much. I got into therapy to try start getting healthy mentally. Over two years later I am in a happy healthy relationship with a great guy who treats me like a queen. If you are not happy get out and get healthy. It's not easy or quick but it's worth it. I wish you lots of strength and luck.
Thank you for sharing with me. Your story gives me hope and strenght. It’s been really hard for me because I wasn’t in a bad marriage and my husband is actually a great man, but there are just things that we haven’t been able to work out. At the moment, I really don’t see myself with anyone else or in a new relationship, I guess I’m just to wrapped up in why it didn’t work out and how do I let go and move on. I hope I do soon.
Thanks again for your wishes.
Sole - I can relate to the fact that your husband is a good man. Mine is a good man too, in the aspect of providing for the family and helping out around the house, etc. That is the hard part for me and makes me feel horrible inside. There is a lot of guilt and shame that I feel because he is a good provider. I blame myself for a lot of things and keep thinking that I should be happy because he is a good person who does love me. I guess I've been so unhappy for so long now I am at the breaking point. It didn't work out because he wouldn't change and you couldn't accept it the way it was. That is a really tough decision I soon may face even though it is a different change being made. Tonight I thought of the old phrase that you can't change someone, so don't expect to marry someone hoping to change them. I was told tonight by my husband that he will try to change. I guess I am waiting to see if things improve. I never meant to change him, I just wanted to be more towards the top of the priority list. It is hard to throw away a good marriage, but with you need to be happy. And it sounds like you couldn't be happy with the way things were with his mother. He was in this marriage too and he was unable to compromise his relationship with his mother for your marriage, then he is partially at fault as well. Not to play the blame game, just trying to get you to understand you are not to blame for the marriage ending. Hang in there. So will we.
crazymom