Independence vs Dependence

While thinking about the differences between independence and dependence, memories of feelings (can you have memories of feelings? I think so...) while growing up come to mind.
My desire to be independent was always diluted with feelings of obligation to conform to what was expected of me. This was not so much about not wanting to grow up, but more about not wanting to grow up and fit into the mold that was being prepared for me. That 'mold' never felt like it fit. Maybe losing weight was an attempt to make it fit? I don't know. But it didn't work. I know that I did want to grow up and become independent of those expectations, but at the same time, the guilt I felt associated with disappointing others or doing something 'wrong' was stronger.
Looking back now, I can see that as I attempted, in the only ways I knew how, to become independent and to take control of my life...

Please read entire post at:

http://freefromexpectations.blogspot.com/

Great post, good work.

April

Thank you April...♥

Jan,

You always inspire! ♥

I can see how I played out those two sides, too... Asking for help, but bristling at any suggestion that I needed it... I wanted to be able to depend on others, but nothing in my experience taught me that I could. So I was independent. And proud of it. And unable to be otherwise. ♥ I think there is a freedom in being an independent, responsible person. There is also joy and connection in working WITH others. :)

My therapist commended me last week... When I was mugged in Europe, I pushed through and did what I needed to do rather than crumbling. LOL!! I told her I didn't have a choice! She said, "Oh, yes you did! There are lots of people that would have crumbled. They would have called for help and their family members would have hopped on a plane." I told her again that I didn't have a choice; if I had crumbled and asked for help, I would have been told to suck it up and deal with it. She just smiled and said that my childhood wasn't ALL bad; my parents did some things RIGHT. ;0) I agree, and I do treasure my independence. I do not want to give it up. It's just nice to think of maybe letting others in once in a while... ♥

Love you, friend!

Jen

Jen,
Thank you for sharing....♥
Yes, allowing others in can be valuable, and, it doesn't have to affect your independence. I believe now that I can be independent in who I am, but that does not mean that I am alone or isolated from others. I think it's partially your frame of mind too! Love you too friend!! ♥