When can you tell or at least suspect your spouse has had an affair?
hi
for most people its a change in behaviour they are more active have to go to the gym/work later etc
or they have to have nu undies,aftershave,etc
why not try a nu solution ask outright
loving vibes and positive thoughts
May come home from work later and later. May leave for work earlier. Go out of town on "business trips." Have business luncheons, dinners, meetings. May start working out and/or losing weight. Taking better care of themselves. Change how they dress. May be on the phone/computer at times when you are sleeping or aren't around. Don't tell you whose calling them on the phone. Be evasive about where they have been and/or who they were talking to. Smell perfume on them. May take a shower immediately after coming home. May have sex with you less. May start going out with friends more. May say they are going to the gym, etc. May go on camping trips and other outings. May have questionable credit/debit card purchases. There could possibly be no signs at all.
Here are a couple of links to check out also:
http://www.lifescript.com/Life/Relationships/Wreckage/10_Signs_Of_An_Aff...?
http://www.authorsden.com/categories/article_top.asp?catid=57&id=22482
http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/a/infidelsigns.htm
Like, domestic said, you can cut to the chase and ask outright if you really want to know. Keep sharing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Well Viper theres your answer & I for one love the new undies comment (killin me domestic). So Viper whats going on if you dont mind me asking, your guts must be telling you something huh & usually thats another warning sign, we're all here for you if you'd like to share/talk/vent. Your in my thoughts & take care of you.
April
I had it happen to me recently. At first I was to busy working and paying all of the bills to notice all of the signs & of course you don't want to believe it! But just as domestic said ... the undies really made me think. He always had holes before and never cared for 17 yrs. then all of the sudden he wants new ones!! Then there is the change in behavior bluidkiti describes. And the gut feeling something is horribly wrong. The direct question didn't work for me ..he lied right to my face. But now I know why he did it and we are working through it. The ex husband of the girl told me what what was really going on, so I confronted him with the facts... he denied it at first, then gave in.So my advice.. ask the question directly, and if you don't believe it, then be a detective get proof, phone records, follow your gut. Then when you're ready... ask again! Good luck! That sucks 4 u. Be strong, and know that it isn't your fault.
Reading your comments made me think of th esame thing with my husband. He was buying new undies also. He was traveling 4 to 5 hours every month to her home in Ohio to see her. He would take the day off of work and drive there and spend the day with her and call and tell me he was working late.
This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go throught. I found out about his affair after getting a large ph bill. There was one number that was called many times during the day for months. I confronted him and he admitted to having an online Nonsexual thing with her but that was all. After a year and a half in counseling with him I picked up my kindle and there was a page from hi email address with their chat on it and most of it was sexual talk. So I looked into the ph bill again and really went over a year of it. What I found was once a month he had traveled to Ohio to be with her. He finally admitted to the affair but after all the lies for so long I don’t trust him or beleive most of the things he tells me. This is a long and hurtful road. One that I don’t know if I will make it throught or not. One day good, another day bad. I am only a month into really knowing the truth , but is there more
spunky
thank u for taking the time to respond to this post with examples of how to be positive in this situation
as always
loving thoughts and positive vibes
The cell phone becomes something they guard like a baby.
They start finding fault with things they didn't used to. Like when my husband was first hiding stuff from me, he made a nasty comment about dog hair being on his mechanic uniforms like it was my fault and saying his uniforms were ruined. It was a little strange being as they were also his dogs and being on my case about that. So I said they aren't ruined and if he didn't like me washing them he could let his boss send him to the cleaners, which his boss charged him and took out of his paycheck regardless whether he brought them home to wash or not. It was just a strange interaction. And then later on when he was talking to another girl and came home and told me I was taking too long in the shower; that was unusual, he had never complained about that. Then after I left he started telling me other things he hadn't liked about me that I had not ever heard about previously, almost like he was getting ideas from talking it up elsewhere. They try to find fault with you so they can justify or feel good about what they are doing. Before I left he started hiding his phone from me because after trust was broken the first time I was hyper vigilant and needed transparency. Some of the stuff I saw made me hurt and angry. I didn't know what was going on with him at that point, but he seemed to tell other people what was on his mind. So he decided to password protect his phone so I couldn't see anything about him. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Hiding the phone and not trying to rebuild trust or address whatever issues there were. I cannot stand secrets and I decided I could not keep living that way. It was eating me up. The other thing also the first time he was hiding things from me was his behavior started changing. I chalked it up to the stress we were under at the time but he started being very contrary. And one night, a couple months before I found out, I had a dream. I dreamed it was later in life and I was old and senile and I was at a movie theater watching a movie with him and even though I didn't have all my faculties, when I looked at him I knew I was ok. When I woke up I wondered if I could actually count on him to be there for me. I had been there for him when he could do nothing for 5 months after an accident, but I wondered if he would be there for me. So I think I just sensed something was off and I started documenting my dreams. Oh, the other thing that happened, was he used to have a poker night, and suddenly when it was his turn to have poker night at our house last minute they were deciding to do it his buddy's. Well after a couple times of this I asked what was wrong that they couldn't be at our house anymore and did his buddies not like me or something? It turns out they were smoking pot which I would not have allowed at our home, also we had decided as a couple not to do that, and he was going behind my back and sneaking around like a teenager or something. Sure makes you feel like an idiot when you're the only one not knowing what your husband is up to.