I've been bulimic for 12 years and I know I need to change. It has now become a part of me- and I feel that I cna't change. My eating disorder began because I was depressed, but now I'm happier than I ever could be. I'm married, just bought my first home, and have a 4.0 in graduate school. I have a great job and great friends- so why do I feel the need to purge?
I want to have a baby- I've been trying for 2 years, but I feel that god is telling me I have to confront my eating disorder before I can have a baby. This is my first attempt to get help. I just need words of encouragement. I know there are other people out there like me-
I want to say that I understand completely what you are dealing with. Your bulimia is no longer a disorder. It has become who you are and it makes it that much harder to give up. The need to purge is just habit. You've been doing it so long that you have to continue. I struggle with that feeling of knowing you need to change with the feeling of actually not wanting to. What really matters is that you know you need help and I am proud of you for realizing that. It takes time. With support I think we both can do this. Slowly but surely we can. I'll support you in this journey if you'd like =]
Thank you so much for your support. I also told my husband and after he got over the shock that I've been lying to him for 4 years he told me that he was there for me. He also knows (beacuse I've been through recovery before) that I don't need a guardian watching over me- just someone to listen and talk to. I'm glad that you're here too because you understand. I've been good for 3 days and it feel amazing- I just want to know when I will get over the "urge" to purge- will it ever go away?
itznick....welcome, and thank you for sharing. An eating disorder can begin under certain circumstances, and over time, become so ingrained that other issues become maintaining factors. It's usually about more than one thing, mostly about not knowing how to deal with intense emotions, and using certain behaviors with food as a way to numb out or distract. But it doesn't work in the long run. This isn't your fault, and being unable to change without help does not mean you are weak, or selfish, etc. It's the nature of the 'beast', as I see it.
Your chaotic eating patterns may very well be affecting your fertility. Even is you were to become pregnant, if you are not able to control the purging, it could be dangerous for you and the baby.
Breaking the cycle is the first step, and congrats on being free for 3 days!! I strongly suggest that you seek professional help to deal with the underlying issues, and to help you learn new coping tools that you can use instead of resorting to the ED behaviors. That's truly what recovery is about.
Yes, the urge to purge will go away, once you replace the old coping methods, and have time to establish a new pattern for yourself. It takes time, but it is totally possible!!
Please keep writing, and seek some help.....Jan ♥
Welcome to Support Groups. :) You're not alone. There are lots of people here that understand. Remember that although it can feel like our eating disorders are part of US, they are illnesses. We can HAVE an eating disorder without BEING an eating disorder. Learning how to separate out the ED thoughts and identity from your own is truly an essential first step. I hope you will continue to write here. This process of healing is long and slow. You will need to have great patience with yourself. :) But it IS possible. You deserve to have a family of your own. You deserve to be healthy and happy and free from bulimia. You can do it. It is possible. ♥
That is a major step telling your husband and I think that will take you one step closer to recovery. Yes a person to listen is all we truly need sometimes. I don't know how to answer your question on the urge to purge diminishing. I wish I knew but I am far from the point of stopping. If you figure out the answer, id love to know so I can try. I think you are doing great though =]
because the illness has almost taken on alife of its own the thought is always at the back of your mind willi/wont i but it has no more power than "SHALL I TAKE MY UMBRELLA IT LOOKS LIKE RAIN" it has no more than a fleetin moment and will not b able to send u off the rails, like most things as life goes better for u it will fade to surface on occasion untill it is gone completely
Good luck with everything!! This September will be 4 years of me being bulimic. Ive tried stopping, but it just doesnt work. But what I will tell you, is that getting pregnant helps!! Last July, I found out that I was pregnant and had a couple times where i purged, but then stopped because I wanted to have a healthy baby. so i stopped purging for that reason and had a healthy 7.14 lb baby in march!! bad thing is, is that about a week or two after he was born, i went straight back to binging and purging. But your on a good start. I can stop for days at a time, but then start back up again!! Stay strong!!
I so understand and I am also struggling beyond words. I need the support along with you. It helps to see I'm not alone and you are not either. Can I walk the journey to healing with you too?