Instead of sending him his birthday email - gonna post it he

instead of sending him his birthday email - gonna post it here....get it out of my system.

Not sure how this is going to be received. I have thought about it for about a week, still not sure if I should or should not send this…but if I don’t I will regret it.
With all that we have put ourselves through not saying happy birthday would be rude, and I dont want to be rude, not to you or anyone

I hope that today you are surrounded by people who love you and people you love…happy 40th CS !

2 Hearts

Kindness is wasted on Narc's but you my dear have a heart of gold!

1 Heart

thanks @CKarma - i let myself down and sent him a simple "happy birthday" - of course i got nothing in response and one of the email acts ( the main one he and i talked in) he closed so it bounced back to me as "undeliverable". i feel so stupid and used. then there is this dim glimmer that hopes he is not really a narc and is just hurting ..i know i sound crazy/desperate/sad....

@ARP76 Narcs are extremely good at making normal people feel like they are just what you describe: crazy/desperate/sad. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t stupid. You just cared for a narcissist, who used you and used your kindness.

You didn’t let yourself down! You’re just recovering from a tough situation. Don’t beat yourself up. We all have those slips! Its hard to shut off feelings for someone, and to suppress the desire to be kind and loving to someone. You aren’t a narc like he is, so therefore you can’t just coldly discard people and not feel anything. That’s a good thing! You are kind, and you are loving.

I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve been struggling with the intense desire to send my ex-Narc a Christmas card. I don’t know why, he is destructive and he used me and made me feel like a crazy, worthless piece of dirt. But I want to! He has no family, very few friends. I usually was the only one he would get cards/gifts from. But I know if I open that can of worms either 1. he will ignore it and I’ll be hurt once more, waiting for a response 2. he won’t ignore it and i’ll get sucked back into him world of lies and hurt and waste even more of my time In a relationship going nowhere but bad, bad places. So, I’m going to attempt to not put the card in the mail :slight_smile:

Stay strong! It will get better. A small battle lost doesn’t mean the loss of the war :slight_smile:

I completely get it. I too have hard time letting go of that glimmer of hope. It goes back to my early childhood and my narcissistic mother. I give up on my mom, I give up on my narcissistic ex-boyfriend

@sialia thanks so much for the kind words! wouldnt i be nice if when we got the urge to reach out to the narcs one of us , from this site...could automatically speak to us?! tell us.." you really dont want to do that, you are gonna get hurt." whatever you do, dont send the card to HIM, give it to a homeless person, or a person you see that looks like they might be having a rough go...but not him.

Cause i KNEW - and i mean KNEW he was gonna ignore me, yet i sent the message anyway. told myself i would not check to see if he responded...ha! yeah right. he was someone i dated when we were young. 20 years ago we were a couple and he was NOT like this..he was sweet, a little needy, but did not possess this ability to be cold and distant without remorse... granted our relationship was along time ago...and it was short lived 5 months tops...still i dont understand how he could have changed so much over time. it was like for weeks he was the guy i knew 20 years ago and then bam....he was quiet, his communication reduced, he was moody, he needed to be "present" in what he was doing there ...and then the cycle would start over. maybe we did not remain together when we were younger long enough for me to see this aloof distant person... either way it JACKS with my head.

That's a good idea for the checking in yellowrose10