Internet dating

THIS POST BELOW IS MY REPLY TO A GAL WHO DATED A MAN FOR A WHILE AND HE WANTED TO SEE HER LIKE 5 TIMES A WEEK UNTIL THEY HAD SEX. THEN THINGS COOLED OFF CONSIDERABLY.
ONE GENTLEMAN WHO READ MY POST SAID I SHOULD WRITE TO SINGLES. SINGLES ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES DATING ON THE INTERNET. SADLY THERE ARE MORE MARRIED PEOPLE THERE!
SO I AM TRYING TO START A NEW GROUP POST,
IF THE NEW GROUP POST DOES NOT WORK CAN WE DELETE IT? ANYONE??

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HER:
"Internet dating, wow, I could write a book.
I feel your pain, I really do, however, it sounds like a typical male. Not male bashing, but come on, it's classic behavior to me. They can't help it. They are hard wired to procreate. Sorry he sounds like a player,
Of course he is dating other women! You two never discussed the ground rules; well who does? Not many. That is a touchy subject after one date. You should be dating others too. It puts things in perspective.
Just be careful. "no glove, no love".
Few men will commit to you after one date
so when is a good time to have "the talk"?
In my opinion, when it is time for mutually consented sex.
Your feelings come first, you are in control.
No expectations, no dissapointments. " end

I have done very well with internet dating because I am street smart and I think a good judge of charecter But I have been fooled a few times. I don't take chances and always trust my gut.
The ladies I spoke to about traditional dating if that is what you want then you should keep looking. But it isn't going to be like it was with your parents! And there is no knight.
As for me, I don't have that kind of time. I am not...tick tock..tick tock...getting any younger.
In any case, let me know what you think about this group post. I personally think it is necesary. 6 out of 10 couples today have used internet dating. So let's talk it up!

Hey,
I think this is a good article. And on both internet websites and in real life you can meet sleeze bags.

A few things I have come to learn...don't be afraid to be honest with a guy...tell them how you feel, if sex is going to have a big impact on you then say you'd prefer to wait and be in a committed relatioship before that happens.

And relationships are supposed to fun...when did everyone become so sex crazed and forget hey we can have innocent fun here, get to know each other :)
Any man who pressures a girl into sex is just not worth it.
Never be afraid to speak your mind, believe me if he cares enough he won't leave and if he leaves it's no loss, it's a close shave :)

thanks for piece been there...
Love to you
Moongal x

PS Love your Maya Angelo quote....all so true :)

Wow, this is an excellent post. One of my girlfriends just went through this exact same thing. They met online, they guy came on super strong; wanting to see her numerous times per week and continually told her how he pictured a future together. This is of course music to any woman's ears. They slept together approximately one month later and like clock work he completely backed off. The first week after sex he didn't contact her once, she had to contact him at week's end. The following week she was super upset and called him letting him know how she felt, he said that she was making too much of it and it was too soon for such a discussion. She took sex off the table and now she never hears from him unless she calls him which she has been doing. I tell her not to do so, but she does so anyways.

I totally agree with you Moongal in that these types of men are on and off line. I have an acquaintance who I have known for 10 years now and he continually comes on to me. He tells me everything that I want to hear, but somehow I haven't fallen for it, only because I have seen him do this to women tons of times. He starts out super fast, tells a woman that he'll marry her in 2 years, and give her anything that she wants. He takes her on weekend getaways from the onset and then about one month in he'll cool off and do the phase out.

My closest male best friend said that the only way to truly know a man's intentions is by waiting. I have to agree with that 100%. If he's in it for sex, then he will dump you after he sees that sex is not in the cards early on. I've been in that scenario numerous times.

I tried online dating for short periods of time, several different times, and realized that it wasn't for me. Though, as soon as I am off of it for a while, I kind of get scared in that I don't get out often enough and don't meet very many new people outside of my friends. That's when online dating seems to be a huge plus.

My post was written for/to your friend whwen I read wht happened to her internet friend!

Wonderful post, I still want to know WHY people dont want to get to know eachother first instead of the hanky panky get themselves off, if thats all their looking for they can go pay for it anywhere nowadays. What is missing within that one cannot wait & let fate happen as it may, even if it take a long time. I understand alot about being lonely (I've been married 19yrs & alone most thoses years) am too looking to change all this MY WAY. I met someone a year ago but due to my circumstances currently did not act on it but know in my heart that there really are ones out there that want the same as the rest of us, it felt wonderful just knowing it.

Again, Beentheredonethat, thanks.

You are most welcome OH BTW all my replys to this post went to my Spam folder. Hmmmm
I have been married 29 years, most of them alone. No sex in 16 years. No lie…so I found internet dating to be a saving grace. I am not a bar person.
I left my husband 8 mo ago. It has been hard except for the piece of mind. My blood pressure dropped so low I has to change my meds. Go figure!!!
Thanks for youe input. I tried to start a new support group for internet dating but I dont know what happened to it.

April, that's such a great point and a lot of why I'm not dating online. I tried it on and off, but my friends don't think that I gave it enough of a chance. I am leaving it more up to fate and taking time to continually work on myself and my life. I believe that when the right man is meant to come into my life, then he will come into it. That's my own little belief, but I do understand why some people date online.

Hey ladies I agree. I met a guy this summer and as soon as he found out sex was not on the table he quickly changed his attitude, he became out right rude. Needless to say he's not in the picture. Good news is I'm weeding out the losers... bad news is I don't have a man to share life with.
Regarding online dating I met a guy online and he came on very strong. Luckily, for me I picked up on his trick... he would respond to text exchanges immediately but his replies were vague and clearly not much effort was put into it. I kept taking it slowly as my gut was telling me to stay clear of this guy. Next thing I knew I received an email from the online dating service alerting me that his profile was immediately removed from the site permanently and to be extremely cautious if I were to pursue a relationship. I can read between the lines... another loser, and another night alone for me. Nevertheless, some people find true love online. Just be very careful.

In regards to beentheredonethat's original post on Internet Dating:

What you and others have described in regards to Internet Dating ... everything that you've described happened to me in the very same way.

I was fresh out of the gate and thought the whole internet dating thing was the answer to my meeting Mr. Right and starting a new life. I once again felt hopeful and was excited about the opportunity to meet someone special to share my life with.

And, if you hadn't already put into words exactly, and I mean 'exactly' what happened to me when I used an Internet Dating Website, I would be writing it in this post, word for word, just as you described it!

I was used and thrown aside like a used up tissue from a Kleenex box by one of those INTERNET ROMEO'S!

It was a very hurtful experience for me! Before it happened, I had been in a 10 year long relationship that had ended badly. I waited for almost 2 years before dating again, just to heal from the hurt that I had experienced in my previous relationship.

After 2 years, I felt ready to start living my life again, only to be suckered by one of those Internet Romeo's who are in it just for the conquest (and just as you said, it WAS very 'classic behavior' and I agree, men are hard wired in that way) and once he had his way with me, it was all over very quickly. No more phone calls, no more romantic e-mails, no more promises of us being together when we grew old.

I was very hurt by what this person did to me and as far as I know, he's still out there leaving other victims in his wake. How sad!

I haven't dated since then. What that Internet Romeo did to me made me feel that men only want sex and that's it! You don't matter to them as being another human being with feelings and that they've made you cry 'real tears' and that they've broken your heart. He couldn't have cared less that he broke my heart! I'm sure he slept like a baby the whole time I was crying myself to sleep when it was happening.

And, I don't care if men ARE 'hard wired' in that way or not! They shouldn't be out there doing that other human beings!

Sorry, but I'am just expressing my true feelings. Not trying to offend anyone, except for any of you Internet Romeo's that might be reading this!

Thanks for letting me share.

S.O.C.

Ah SOC,
I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal. And yes being treated like that does leave you feeling like a used rag. I know it was horrible, but in a way if he's they type of fella who can just disrespect a lady that way then you are better off without him.

I went through that although I did not meet him on the internet, it was still such a slap. I subsequentially was talking to him and he's currently in a relationship but is still talking about the good times we shared and is saying oh I'm so messed up in the head about this like I was with you...lightbulb moment....I am so glad I am out. I told him to treat his girl with some respect and cop himself on.

Girl you should be so glad, if this fella wants to live an extended childhood then fine, that's his sad little life. But you are looking for more and better thing. So keep looking and everytime you think of that weasle think of the good things you are pursuing and the crap is doing what an unfulfilling life for him.

Love to you
Moongal x

Thanks Moongal x,

Thank you for your support and for your kind words. I really appreciate it very much.

And, yes... If I were to ever hear from him again, I would say something like, "Oh Hi, Oh who me? I'm doing fine... well you know I've gotta go. Take care and I'll try to stay in touch, but I'm pretty busy these days" Then I will just hang the phone up.

I don't want anything further to do with him.

S.O.C.

Hey SOC,
No worries just think of that everytime you think of him. Just think of what emotionally stunted existance he is living and what you will have very soon.

Just keep believing it hun. You will get there.

Love to you
Moongal x

deleted

Hey Jaded,
I am not saying all guys are these terrible monsters who just want sex. the one guy who did that to me though did promise me the moon earth and stars before and then walked away...and did admit that what he did was a crappy crappy thing to do...and I had told him what sex meant to me, so he wasn't going in thinking oh i had no idea.

They're not losers because they want to have sex. The are losers because they give the idea that they want a relationship and then once they get sex they are gone. And that's really unfair because it is the other person that is left shattered.

You say you get hurt when a girl won't go on a date with you after chatting for a while. What about someone who does go one a few dates for a while, takes the guy as genuine, has sex with him and then he just disappears. That is a so painful and does take away a lot of trust for the next guy who comes along.

And as for being taught to act that way...that kind of stuff should remain in fifth grade. It's the man that is respectful of the lady and keeps things to himself that is much more admirable in every woman's eyes.

And we are not saying...right we had sex we are getting married now right, but if the guy before hand said right I know we've been dating and everything but once I get this over and done with I'm probably not going to call you again? Would that be ok? Then you would be making a FULLY INFORMED decision. This crap of pretending to be really interested and then walking away....it's completely unfair...but lesson learnt from my side anyway and I would say quite a lot of women.

And we are taking responsibility for our actions but when we go to bed with someone, it is because we care and we are showing that in a physical way, we don't expect to not hear from them again.

Hope this gives "the boys" a little food for thought.

Love to you
Moongal x

I will stay out of it. Sorry for trying to offer another view.

Hey Jaded,

Why would you delete your post? Every post here is valid. I'm sorry if I offended you with that I said but I was only expressing what I felt about the males who do this.

I do not think ALL MEN are like this at all, in fact I'm chatting to really sweet guy now.
I really really hope I didn't offend you and I hope you continue posting on the topic.

Love to you
Moongal x

maybe management deleted it?

That's the beauty and brilliance of this site; everyone brings a wonderfully different perspective. No one is here to offend anyone, but on the contrary to support one another compassionately. My posts have certainly received comments from every end of the spectrum, and not necessarily everyone agrees with me or with one another in these posts. I actually love that everyone brings their own perspective, because it opens my eyes to all facets of an issue.

Moongal has been beyond supportive in the most loving and compassionate way to most of my posts, and has gotten me through some tough times. So, please don't be offended Jaded. We are so happy to have you here, and really welcome your posts and all of your comments with open arms. Please keep sharing with us.

Jaded, if you dont offer your opinion/thoughts/advice, how are others going to ever learn from others experiences in life? That is not how one gains insight/hind sight, if we all just gave up & did not talk or share our thoughts this site would be useless.

I wont give up regardless if people listen or not, thats what life IS about. I dont know anything about internet dating but put my 2 cents in anyway.

I don't ever think that a manager of this group and site would delete a post that was an opinion. I think that Jaded deleted it per her Comments.