Ok to me I know it seems like such a stupid question, with an easy answer! Yes it's wrong for me to go out with a guy who is in a relationship, serious one in fact, he lives with his girlfriend and for financial reasons they are still together. He hasn't explained the whole situation as to why he is unhappy with her, but he's asked me to hang out several times and I keep making excuses and each time I ponder why I feel like a bad person for considering. He started to tell me before she had started smoking pot, which I am against, so it seems since she does he wouldn't, I don't even know him too well, he just is a patient that cane into my work asking for recommendations and picked up some prescriptions a few times.
I worry if I were to go out with him, even as friends that it would end up a physical relationship because I realized when I saw him today it's probably just a physical attraction that has me wanting to atleast give him a chance, I can't get the image of his pecks out of my mind, gross I know right? But I never realized he had sucha nice body until today.
I am horrible with guys and relationships, a friends friend is obsessed with me and one of the nicest guys I have met, he'd probably do anything for me and yet I have pushed him away not really wanting anything to do with him. I think it's because I want someone more confident, because he gives me this petty speech each time we talk about how I don't call him and don't answer him and blah blah.
Right now I'm not looking for anything serious, I've gained some weight and am very suprised these guys are even still interested in me. Anyway I just need another opinion on the matter
This will only bring more problems. If he is unhappy he should leave and devote his time to getting to know you. It sounds like he is keeping his options open and that is not fair to you. He has a history with this other person and they know each other, this means that he could realize that he is better off with staying with what he is used to. This will leave you on the tail end. Don't allow him or anyone else for that matter to have you as second best. You must have something, a little meat never hurt anyone. Just be you and the rest will follow.
as a guy i have to tell you that before breaking up w a girl it's best to make sure theres another one (or a few) lined up. then he'll choose his best option. so he may be priming you for that. in other words, if he thinks you're gf material he'll break up w current gf. that sounds a little harsh but it's true.
but, he may also just be looking for a fling on the side. do you want to be that girl? reading between the lines, it sort of seems that way. theres nothing wrong with it as long as you're ok with the situation. however, if this is the case (and i think it is), he'll keep leading you on w/out telling u it's just a fling for him. tread carefully
Thanks for the advice, I'm still up in the air. It probably is him wanting to know there are options out there for when he leaves the gf, if he does, but I think the second thing u said Josie about it being a fling would probably be more the case. I say I don't really care bout being the other person but deep down I'm sure I do. I haven't really been in a committed relationship in 3 years, I've dated but sadly not found anyone I wanted to settle with. I guess my last ex really screwed me up thinking I'm a horrible person that doesn't deserve any better and also there was a short term fling who ended up cheating on me after we dated for about 6 months, the whole time I knew he wasn't for me but I kinda lowered my standards and went for it, the end of that left me feeling like I shouldn't lower my standards because being burned by that dude was bad.
Ashlie,
Don't meet up with this guy. If you do what you're saying is my standards are so low that it is ok that you have a girlfriend and see me too? Sweetie I don't think so. I think in your gut you know it's wrong and thats why you are up in the air about it.
And if you aren't looking for anything serious, you are breaking another girls heart for no reason.
Tell him...ya I'd be happy to meet with you when you are not in a relationship...that way it's clear where your standards are at. And if he is too much of weasle to pull out of a relationship first before entering another one...run run like the wind...hunny:)
And hun, I'm sure you are a beautiful girl so don't let a few lbs force into making a decision you will regret.
Ashlie
Ok.. you have heard a mans opinion, and in 99.999% of cases he might be right. But now is time for an old southern redneck hippy to give his opinion. This will sound strange I know. I have been seperated for like 5 years now.. about 3 years when this happened. A lady I had met called my house, and though I had been honest about my situation this was during a time that my wife had lost her job so I fixed up my daughters old room and she moved back in(financial reasons). She got my wife and the wife was like.. yea hes such a geek he has a hard time finding women.. lol.. (or something like that).. and one of those things I will never understand.. the "You Go Girl, I have heard all about you and you make him happy". Anyway this totally freaked her out. My suggestion is that since he is liveing with his girlfriend just tell him that because of this situation you must do something that is none of your business. You need to hear the exact details of the relationship as it stands ... From His Girlfriend... It could truly be that their lifestyles have changed and they are currently liveing together because of finances. If he is being dishonest.. this will come out.
Thanks moongal, I know I shouldn't let my weight and insecurities lower my standards in any way, but for it seems they have. I am trying to shed the extra lbs that I've been piling on, but of course w the holidays I gave up and decided next year will be better, so I can enjoy the time with my family I guess. But seems i said the same thing last year and have just added more unwanted weight, o well, guess this year shall be the year. A friend just recently lost some weight, she kinda stepped back and looked at her life though it wasn't just about losing weight and I think that's what I need to do.
Redneck eh? Lol it's funny way to say it... I guess you are right, it could strictly be financial reasons they are living together, but it seems they are in the unhappy state of still being together, that's the vibe I got. He asked before what you are scared of my gf? And I said no I'm not scared of anyone.
I probably will maybe wait on dating in general and work on myself, because I don't think I will even be happy in a relationship until I am happy with myself.
Hey Ashlie,
good on you girl, I know weight can be so awfully stressful...and it can make us the impatient of people. I became obsessed with weight...to a crazy point...that nobody could possibly love me unless I was slim, but that just isn't true...I am working on that now and things are going great, I have developed a better relationship with my family, my body and food.
It's good for your health to be slim, but in order to put yourself in a good place for a relationship you have to have a good balance in your whole mental and physical aspects, step back and ask some pretty tough questions...like am I happy?...if not when can i remember the last time I was happy?
I know many can go oh I'll be happy when I've lost so many lbs, that's just not true, it's the invisible weight that's weighing you down is what you really have to lose.
So I would say if you feel like you want to lose weight then go for it, but please in a healthy way, there is no rush but also is there any other goals you would like to set, like meeting more people, maybe physical classes...like aerobics, spinning, dance, yoga...etc
Also i think you should away from this guy, he doesn't sound like the type that deserves a second of your time and sweetie we can all go through patches where we feel not so great about ourselves, just don't let him take advantage of that.