Is it just me or does anybody else think about what could th

Is it just me or does anybody else think about what could that other person have that is so special that that they are willing to end their marriage is it sex? Conversation maybe what?

1 Heart

I think it's more about what our wayward spouses lack or feel they need that fuels the affair, not necessarily what the other person has to offer:

1) A low-self esteem that gets a boost from the knowledge that someone other than their spouse finds them interesting, attractive, etc.
2) A conquest mentality.
3) A sexual or psychological disorder
4) They feel something is missing in their marriage. Someone else fills the void.
5) An unrealistic, delusional need for fairy-tale love. In reality, the affair isn't love either.
6) A need for an escape from reality.

I feel like sex is used as the vehicle to maintain the relationship so that the above feelings will continue. Sex is not necessarily the end goal but a means to an end.

I know there may be more to it. Your question is great. Would be great to hear what others think too.

2 Hearts

@Piwo33 man you have some interesting points gives me something to think about

for my WH he said it was conversation and having the OW interested in him. Maybe a midlife crisis. I still don't understand why the sex especially since he was getting it at home. I will never understand that. I still ask myself the question you are asking. SIGH

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@Jdimples005 mine said conversation and sex she made him feel complete like a man she would jump on him as soon as he walked in the door don’t know how much of it is true still no excuse to me

I wish I knew... I spend hours wandering what she has that I don't...! I feel worthless!

1 Heart

@Nik09 its natural to compare but know this issue is with him and not you. You dont have a fault that caused this except his lack of decency to be a good spouse and husband. Stand up for yourself, stop thinking its your shortcoming and put yourself first.

I think each case is different. It can be as simple as someone was tempted and just chose to give in or as complex with many issues including issues from the past, selfishness, self-esteem, psychosis, depression etc... As the betrayed spouse I think our minds spin things around a try to get some type of understanding why so we can have some sense of peace and not play the self blame game and maybe be able to trust them again. Really though I think that is on them to figure out and take the necessary steps to make sure they are figuring out why and dealing with their issues to make sure they don't hurt us again.

3 Hearts

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