Couldn't sleep bc lots on my mind so I was looking at some articles/websited my therapist suggested to check out. Here is one http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html
On here it claims that Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18; between a significantly older child and a younger child; or if one person overpowers another, regardless of age.
My question is would it be considered sexual abuse if an adult (like 20's) and a child (teens) had consentual sex? I do understand that an adult is wrong bc it is against the law, and that teens might be at greater risk of being manipulated by adults. Also, I get that an adult and a young child is sick bc children do not have ability to consent nor are they sexually mature. I also understand that a teen might not have the same knowledge, understanding as an adult-so their ability to make rational decison might be questionable * they are more likely to be easily coerced or manipulated. However-I don't know if it would be sexual abuse if both consented & loved each other. When I think sexual abuse I think of rape or being forced to do some thing one doesn't want to do. It is not considered sexual abuse if a teen & teen have sex so why can a teen have the ability to consent to sex w another teen but not an adult? When I mean adult-I do not mean any authorative figure-such as teacher etc-bc of course than that person could be using their power to take advantage of teen-and thats abuse. Sorry to play the devil's advocate but I was wondering how people would define sexual abuse, and if they agree with the previous definition? I meet my husband when I was a teen & he was in his 20's & we did have a sexual relationship at that time but I don't feel like I was sexually abused (I do feel my husband at that time was not being responsible & didn't expect to have a long term relationship w.me-nor did I expect a serious relationship w/him either-but it would have been the same if he was a teen or I was an adult at that time). My older sister claims my "thinking on this matter is not right & that bc I am still w. my husband I am not seeing clearly & do not realized that I was sexually abused! I also find that odd because wouldn't one know if they were sexually abused?
Legally it is sexual abuse for an adult to have sex with a minor, due to the lack of appropriate decission making skills. It does happen a lot and yes some do end up in an ok relationship and some end up hurt and looking again. At this point if you are happily married, and now have a relationship that is a two way relationship and he is caring, providing and receptive to you and your needs then I would say you are one of the lucky ones. Maybe legally you were abused, but then so were many teens and they didn't continue their relationship in to a marriage. If you are happily married what does it matter how things were way back then?? Enjoy your marriage, there aren't many good one's out there today! Good Luck!
At rascal Congrats on being in remssion!! So happy for you & I will pray for your continued health.
I trully like your wisdom to look toward the present & future, not at the past. My marriage isn't perfect but much of the time I would say I am happily married & my husband has stuck by my side through the good & the bad for over 7 yrs. I think it would be better for me to focus on fixing my current problems and not over analyze my past.
Thanks again,
Marisol
Marisol6601,
I think you are on the right track in what you believe, as far as being sexually abused Iagree with Rascal1, but you sound like what you have is pretty solidified, and you are right fix what is happening now for you cannot fix what is already done and gone, keep your faith in yourself and you shall be fine. you have people who will more than happy to be your listening board if you need us.
Frederick
I'd actually be interested in learning more details about how u met/current issues in your relationship? I agree that focusing on the present is more important than fixating on the past. However, our past behaviors determine are future behavior-so I think it is important that you look to see if when you were young did this man manipulate you,,,is he still manipulating you? Don't know your husband-but I can relate to your sister's feelings in that if a man slept with a child I would always question their morals, intergrity, and mental health. I feel that we learn from our mistakes in life-so it can be helpful to focus some on your past. I would need to know more about your relationship to offer better advice & I genuinely hope you are the exception & have a happy, loving marriage.
I agree with the others.....in that you are lucky to have married your love. The laws are to protect children from authority figures that may take advantage of them and their youth. Although there are many young men and women who are very mature for their ages and I can see their consent. As a parent, I can not say that I would be very concerned for my son or daughter, had they been in such a situation when young, because I would have been very concerned. Neither one of my children, especially my daughter, could have handled it. As someone said b4, you are an exception to the rule. Be happy and don't let her feelings change the outcome. My grandmother was 16 yrs old when she married my grandfather. They went on to have 7 children and love each other till they passed away.