Couldn't sleep bc lots on my mind so I was looking at some articles/websites my therapist suggested to check out. Here is one http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html
On here it claims that Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18; between a significantly older child and a younger child; or if one person overpowers another, regardless of age.
My question is would it be considered sexual abuse if an adult (like 20's) and a child (teens) had consentual sex? I do understand that an adult is wrong bc it is against the law, and that teens might be at greater risk of being manipulated by adults. Also, I get that an adult and a young child is sick bc children do not have ability to consent nor are they sexually mature. I also understand that a teen might not have the same knowledge, understanding as an adult-so their ability to make rational decison might be questionable * they are more likely to be easily coerced or manipulated. However-I don't know if it would be sexual abuse if both consented & loved each other. When I think sexual abuse I think of rape or being forced to do some thing one doesn't want to do. It is not considered sexual abuse if a teen & teen have sex so why can a teen have the ability to consent to sex w another teen but not an adult? When I mean adult-I do not mean any authorative figure-such as teacher etc-bc of course than that person could be using their power to take advantage of teen-and thats abuse. Sorry to play the devil's advocate but I was wondering how people would define sexual abuse, and if they agree with the previous definition? I meet my husband when I was a teen & he was in his 20's & we did have a sexual relationship at that time but I don't feel like I was sexually abused (I do feel my husband at that time was not being responsible & didn't expect to have a long term relationship w.me-nor did I expect a serious relationship w/him either-but it would have been the same if he was a teen or I was an adult at that time). My older sister claims my "thinking on this matter is not right & that bc I am still w. my husband I am not seeing clearly & do not realized that I was sexually abused"! I also find that odd because wouldn't one know if they were sexually abused?
I can see both sides of the issue but would have to say if an adult sleeps w/ a teen in most circumstances it is sexual abuse. I understand that a teen might consent to having sex w/ an adult but they should have never been given that opportunity to make that decision. As an adult, you automatically have power over teens due to age differance; and you are abusing that power when an adult sleeps with teens. A teen might not realize that they are not ready for the major risks/responsibilities associated with sex, but an adult is aware of these risks/responsibilities & should be accountable for not putting a child (teen in harms way). That all said, there are some minor exceptions such as when a teen might be 16 and the adult 18-19 because than the ages are so close that one can not expect too much more maturity from an 18 than a 16 & it is possible that these two individuals dated when they were both juveniles.
If I may ask-how old were you & how old was your adult bf when you started sleeping together. If you were very close in age (even 17 and 20) than I'd say it wasn't sexual abuse but if a drastic age difference I'd have to agree w/ defination & say it is abuse. Often times when you are in an unhealthy situation-one doesn't realize how dysfunctional or inappropriate something might be-so your sister is right that might be the reason you do not realize why it might be labeled sexual abuse. Also, many times people unintentionally abuse others so your bf might not have ever wanted to take advantage or abuse you. I would recommend objectively looking at your relationship & discussing this topic w/ your therapist. There are always exceptions to the rule, & that might be your case, but I would agree that normally I'd define sexual abuse to include an adult sleeping w/ a teen.
thank you mammaO i agree with your answer. And I also wanted to add that I think a lot of sexual abuse victims do not know they are being sexually abused at the time that it happens. Sometimes when they become adults and can now wrap their minds around what sexual contact is they look back and realize that what happened to them was sexual and not just a game or whatever it was presented as.
The law is put in place to help younger more impressionable people from being taken advantage of from someone older then them. Even teenagers are easily swayed by kind words and gestures. They don't have the knowledge or experience to know the difference between love and someone using them. That's not to say all relationships between people of different age groups are manipulative.
An older man knows what he's doing when he offers gifts to a young girl and gives her attention she isn't getting elsewhere in order to have sex with her. He knows she's going to think he loves her and she believes the lies he tells her. That makes it wrong.
It's wrong no matter what your age is to be manipulated into having sex with someone either through praise or threats.
If there in an imbalance of power ... say in child and parent, the parents' job is to be aware and not abuse that power. That imbalance is not resticted to young and old. It applies to a bully/perpetrator/predator choosing to exploit. I do not believe they are "sick" as they make the choice and do their best to keep the victim silent. That means they are fully aware of their actions.
I agree with strawberrymoon wen she say if youfeel likeyou were abused then you were . When I was a teen I had bf that were age 20 to 23 and I never felt I was abused unless it is done in a forceful way or something you don't want to do to me it is not abuse . And I have been abused
In my personal opion you didn't get. Abused by your husband unless he made you at one time or another do something you didn't want to . It is wrong to me for your sister to tell you that you were when unless you told her something there is no one for her to say you were abused.
So here's the deal. Don't define abuse as only rape. Rape is a type of abuse but there can be other types of abuse without rape...and if you're having sex then it becomes sexual...the abuse part all has to do with the fact of "taking advantage".
The fact you two are still together and you feel fine probably indicates there wasn't much taking advantage (not sure why you are self doubting your instincts of the fact you don't feel its abuse...why ask or seek a problem if you don't feel it? answer coming up...)
So it's important to see the EXACT age difference..the fact you are a bit unclear on that is the only bad clue here that maybe there was abuse.
If we're talking a 13 year old with a 25 year old then that is abuse. It doesn't make him a rapist...rape is if you take it by force...but as an adult he made a bad choice to take advantage of your lack of life experience to make very important choices...being in a relationship like that can make you commit for a lifetime and even bring life into this world...and effect your mental state...it's a huge deal..and by it's sexual abuse in that case because he's forcing the issue...
If the age was lets say 16 and 22...it's a more grey area....i'd say you're probably fine and that the reason you are bringing this up might be because you want out and are unsure of how to do that.
That's the other reason why it's abuse...it's taking advantage of you being able to make important decisions like that.
I'm just guessing all these things in the dark..but I got a feeling one of these will hit close to home and help you out.