I've been dating a guy for almost a year and a half now (longest for me, second for him) and throughout most of our relationship, trama after trama has happened for me (8 deaths in 12 months, lost two best friends due to me being sick of their sh*t, and my father got convicted of beating his fourth wife, 6 years after he beat me) all of this happened in 12 months. I'm severely depressed and greiving the crap out of every little aspect of my life it seems. As with the problem, it's been 6 months or so since I've been on anti-depressants and weekly therapy and we aren't having sex. We stopped around April last year because of one of my besties' step father committed suicide and now it's just a total bore for me. I would live a happy life if I never had sex again. Even sexual things that don't lead to the ultimate thing is tiresome. I can't get aroused. And when I do, it comes and quickly goes. I'm afraid my boyfriend is gonna leave me because he doesn't get any. We've talked of marriage and kids a while ago and although I still want to marry him, I no longer want kids because I'm schizophrenic. So really, sex isn't something I should be doing anyways, right? Is it wrong to never want sex again? Any suggestions as to how to fix it if it is wrong?
hi mishy wow u have had an action packed year, and unlike the movies its not been a great one for u.
i think the sex is not the important part of the relationship, its a natural progression of togetherness and intimacy that occurs naturally, of course u hav every right to feel down at the moment and im sure the bf understands that, as for will it return im sure it will although some of the meds might b stoppin the urges a bit.
i think u have made a sound decission about kids at the present time but lets b honest if u were pregnant u wouldnt want sex so hed have to wait a good six months or so is there really any difference?
just explain how u feel and see how the land lies personally i like a huge cuddle instead of the rest of it but that might b age speakin
keep talkin and communicatin both here and at home
lovin thoughts and positive vibes
If we were to have kids together, I'd not only not have sex, but for about 12 months I'd have to be completely off all my medication and holy cow would that be a disaster and that last one alone is enough for me to not to that. Before being diagnosed with Schizo-Affective (that's it technically, Schitz and Bi-Polar) I attempted suicide 7-ish times in two years then again two years after that. It's a miracle that I'm alive at this point. I don't want a kid, any kid, especially my kid, to ever go through that. In one aspect, it's really effing expensive with or without insurance, and it's costly of their life as well in another. Thanks for the positive vibes, I think they're working haha little by little. It's amazing that I've been with this therapist for 5 or so years now and she couldn't even come up with that good of an answer. Good job. Thanks.
Hi Mishy, thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for what you have gone through over the course of the past 12 months, though maybe you should put any ideas or pressures of having children out of your mind for the time being and allow yourself to recover from this period of time. Communicating openly about children and other facets of your relationship with your boyfriend is important. And, although we all put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have sex in our relationships, I believe that life happens and there are times where your health and well-being is far more important and I can imagine that your boyfriend understands. That will all come back around to a more natural place once you've passed this difficult period. I think that you should allow yourself to heal from the tough year and you will move on to a more positive place when you can focus on things like a healthy sex life with your boyfriend and possibly children down the road.
Please keep sharing, we are here to support you in any way that we can. Wishing you all of the very best.
Thanks puppydoglvr, I agree too with holding off more possibly stressful situations. I really like how people respond on here with not only really good ideas, but in a timely fashion, it's great, much better than other online support groups I've been on. Your kind wishes are here with me, thank you.
its so simple mishy let your fingers do the talking and like moths to the flame we are drawn to respond, but enough of the poetic and to the nitty gritty.
u are the one in the driving seat, and yes it is costly if u have any type of illness, but its not so much the monies but the emotional rollercoaster of up and down. try and tackle on area first. why not use us as a sounding board for threrapy u tell us problem a and we will respond then u can do the same with your threapist and if u need to use our imput to get u where u want to be, sometimes the therapists like to dance round the problem rather than going straight to the point
as usual those loving thoughts and positive vibes are with u
Thank you! We are totally here to support you in any way that we can Mishy, so please continue to share with us. I love this format and have found so much support and guidance in my time here. And you are so right, the responses are all so timely, positive and really helpful.
Domestic:
It does sound like a really good idea to tackle one thing at a time, and I know that it would work in the long run, I'm just so worried that if I wait on one thing to work on another, then suddenly there's different problem, ugh. I guess I don't know which one has the most importance. Clearly the sex is not top priority but I feel it should or I won't have him to even worry about. It's funny, my therapist gave me homework to read this book called The Worry Cure.. it's not working haha obviously. I think I need to take some time to make a priority list and make sure that some people in my life are aware of it so they know that their time will come. Thanks again.
mishy
i think that u will start with one problem and find others get sorted along the way, its like when u tidy your room, washing gets to the right place homework gets done and u can see the floor which is all u set out to do.
keep smiling hon life does have its bad days, but tomorra u start with a clean sheet
as always
loving thoughts and positive vibes
That's a good thought to have in mind every morning I wake, afternoon I shake, and night I sleep. Thanks.