Is there anybody else who is unemployment, broke with no support and still has energy to fight it and continue? If there is someone please tell me how do you do it. I really feel down and I cant go on. I am so hopeless. Nothing helps no matter how much I try. People are cruel and just wanna take advantage of me
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According to the Prince’s Trust, nearly half of unemployed young people are depressed.
Whether the job hunt is getting you down, or you’re worried it might be something more serious, we’ve got some advice from Professor Edward Watkins, of the University of Exeter’s Clinical psychology department (he also runs the Mood Disorder Centre and is an all-round great guy) as well as stories and advice from two recent graduates who have struggled with unemployment and depression.
Firstly, Professor Watkins stresses that it’s natural to be anxious when unemployed, because it isn’t as simple as “I don’t have a job”. Whether you’re living at home having just graduated, or struggling with rent, you’re dealing with what he terms a loss of identity or expectation: “If the expectation is that you’re going to graduate and get a job, and this doesn’t happen, it can be upsetting. It’s important to realise it’s normal to feel down about this, and then to take measures to prevent your behaviour from spiralling.”
UNEMPLOYED AND FEELING DOWN?
A handful of tactics from Prof. Watkins:
Normalising: a posh word for perspective, really. “If you want to get a job, and you can’t get a job, that’s not a great situation. Recognise that the situation is bad and that it’s not about you – your reaction is normal.”
Be specific: keep focused as opposed to generalising. “If you took a test and failed, you could think ‘Maybe I can’t do anything, maybe I’m generally stupid, this is going to keep happening to me’,” says Watkins, “instead of just feeling bad about the test.” Suddenly, you’ve changed the focus of your negativity – try identifying specifically what’s wrong instead of making the issue unnecessarily broad.
Yes, applying for jobs is almost a job in itself, but keep doing the fun stuff too! “People, when going through a rough time, have a tendency to focus on what they feel like they have to do, and the things that make them actually happy fall by the wayside. Things like watching a film, reading a book, seeing friends, dancing.”
Talk to a friend: yawn, everyone says this, but having someone to chat to about how you’re feeling can really give you some perspective. Also, there’s nothing to be gained by withdrawing into yourself: “It’s the worst thing you can do,” says Professor Watkins. “It’ll just magnify feelings of isolation.”
Keep active: “Routine is really important,” says Professor Watkins. “If you find your routine has changed, try and get back to what you were doing before. Active doesn’t just mean physically, but socially too.” Obviously, if you’re usually a gym bunny, then try and keep up some sort of physical activity – even if it’s less than normal, it’ll still help.
HOW TO TELL WHEN IT’S MORE THAN ‘JUST BEING SAD’
You’ve tried the above and, to put it frankly, it’s not working. If nothing’s improving, and you can identify with the below, it may be time to get some help:
1. Feelings of guilt
2.Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
3. Withdrawing from others
4. Feelings of hopelessness and suicide
5. Inability to get out of bed
6. Weight loss or gain
7. Everything feels more difficult due to lack of energy
WHAT TO DO
As tough as it is, there are many ways to help you feel better.
Talk to a professional about how you feel. Professor Watkins says your GP is the best port of call and that you should go to them if your mood isn’t improving. Whether it’s cognitive behavioural therapy, medication, counselling or more specific methods of treatment, they should be able to help. There are some links in the last paragraph that can also help, and Watkins highly recommends Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert.
Also, don’t sit in your bedroom. “Shutting yourself away in your own head is the worst thing you can do,” says Professor Watkins, “it’s crucial to stay connected to the world, and overthinking things can lead to overwhelmingly negative thoughts. Whether this is with other people, or just with the world via the internet – always stay involved in what’s going on. Don’t withdraw into your own head.”
Try to break down the tasks you have to achieve; setting yourself even the smallest goals is a step towards breaking the spiral. “There are signs that someone is slipping into a more clinical depression,” Professor Watkins says, “but the problem is that they may be engaging in behaviour that doesn’t help their circumstances [e.g. staying in bed all day instead of applying for jobs] so the problem doesn’t lift, and the depression gets worse as the problem remains.” Don’t expect miraculous results immediately, but breaking it all down (from showering to going to a particular café with wifi to replying to an email) will help you get stuff done, while making it less scary.
TWO READERS CHATTED TO US ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH JOB-HUNTING AND DEPRESSION
depression and unemployment
Rochelle: “I felt worthless and like I was never going to succeed. What was the point? I stopped even looking at jobs.”
“I graduated with a 2:1 in Journalism from a great university last September, and couldn’t have been happier! It was the proudest I’d ever been and I was more than ready to enter the working world. I knew it would be hard but luckily landed a couple of internships almost immediately. However, when they had finished it was like nobody else wanted me and my outlook turned upside-down.
I would work on my CV daily, send it out to anyone who would listen but after a while it became disheartening. What was I doing wrong? I began to believe that I should be a high-flying journalist already and that the reason people didn’t want me was because I just wasn’t good enough. I felt useless and just gave up. My can-do attitude had gone, I felt worthless and like I would never succeed. What was the point? I stopped even looking at jobs.
I became paranoid in social situations and anxiety got the better of me. What if someone asks what I’m doing now? I’m doing nothing! They’ll judge me! This was when I knew that my unemployment was having an impact on my mental health.
So I took myself to the doctor, one who had known me for years. I told her I couldn’t succeed due to my mood and my mood was due to the fact I could not succeed. Depression was the diagnosis and, for me, talking was the answer.
I spoke to a local mental health programme that supports people who are struggling with depression, anxiety and stress. Releasing those insecurities and talking through what you are feeling is a great way to get back on your feet.
For anyone who is feeling the strain of graduate pressure from experience my answer is simple. TALK to someone! Once you start to realise you’re not alone, life becomes a lot easier. We will all get there eventually; it just takes a bit of time and a lot of work!
I won’t say I feel back to normal: when you lose yourself, it takes time to return. But what I do know is one day I will be myself again and that I will reach my goals. That’s a fact!”
Lucy: “I realised unemployment was greatly impacting my moods and it was making me depressed.”
“I’m someone who has struggled with depression, anxiety and a number of things since a young age. I am now 23 and have been looking for work for a while. I moved to the UK and the Isle of Wight from Australia last April and have been applying for every job going with the hope they will give me a chance. I have received the dreaded rejection call/email from them all, and constant negative feedback is not good for anyone. You start to feel you’re not good enough, that you’re worthless and then there’s a downward spiral. It does not get better from there.
Around June 2012 I realised unemployment was greatly impacting my moods and it was making me depressed. I became physically ill – think of having a nasty flu, but without the runny nose. Constant lethargy, joint aches, headaches, nausea. Your mental health directly affects your physical health.
I do feel better now, slightly. I still feel down about rejection from potential employers but I have adopted a new outlook on life. I try to look for the positive instead of the negative. In some cases that is very easy, in some it’s not. What most people do not understand is most unemployed people are dying for work, but it’s just not available.
I’d advise anyone struggling to seek help from their GP or local mental health services. Form a personal mantra: “I can do this, I have worth, I must keep trying”. And apply for anything, even if you think it’s beneath you – another opportunity may arise out of it.”
So keep going, keep your chin up and don’t let the bastards grind you down: the fact you’re unemployed is not your fault. It’s a difficult time and young people are struggling – but there are places you can get help and people that will listen. Aside from friends, family, your local GP and trained professionals, The Help Guide has some good practical advice. Also, take a look at Professor Watkins’ Mood Disorder Clinic for both advice and useful resources, and The Samaritans are always there in times of crisis.
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@Jennipain This was a very interesting post. I must say it’s not only young people struggling . As you may know from another post in this forum I’ve been unemployed for 33 months after years of full employment .
The one thing that no one seems to have any remedy for is the loss of identity. I’m told that men’s identity is much more closely connected with their ability to earn and provide than with females however I’ll leave their perspective to them for further elaboration.
I’ve managed to leave grief way behind , I’ve managed to survive at such a frugal level most people would be astonished . I’ve managed to carry on even though life as I knew it is now over and believe me the life of long term unemployment in no way resembles that other life , but the one thing I still haven’t quite figured out is what my identity without work is.
There 're many perils associated with the personal disaster of long term unemployment.
I'm jobless n broke trying to ease my kid. Idk.how I continue theres days i wanna give up but I tell myself it has to get better eventually
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@Conflicted09 Im sorry Are you tryin to look about interviews daily? coz I had several sites that I check everyday. Sometimes several times a day. You never know when they need someone who might be you!
I am Unemployed also. I must say some days are better than others. Stay positive in your thinking. I know that you will get a job soon god willing. Hand in there have a good day.
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@ezzyme hang in there.
@spark_girl : I am responding to your original post asking if anyone has the energy to keep going while enduring long-term unemployment (and also to everyone else in the discussion). I'm sure we all feel the same way when I say "it's day to day." For me personally, I have to distract myself. Allow myself to grieve, and then keep doing something to focus my attention elsewhere, in order to survive emotionally. I like getting online and just searching for solutions; more job posts; articles on how to improve my situation, etc. And today, I found this site for support. Here is a link I found that helped me on researching qualifications in my field, and anyone can type in their line of work and get all kinds of information on how to be or stay competitive so that you can improve chances of getting hired: Career One Stop, sponsored by the Department of Labor ( https://www.careeronestop.org/ExploreCareers/explore-careers.aspx ).
I found it in an article on USNew.com ( http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2014/05/27/8-ways-to-confront-long-term-unemployment ). I'll try to post anything else I think might be useful to share.
@Grace2016 If I may I’d like to comment here. You mentioned grief and I do understand it on so many levels. For me however I got most of the grief behind me the first year. I’d lost a work family many of which I’d worked with for decades, a way of life , a system of support as well, I have to tell you receiving a paycheck and the satisfaction of a days work is very nice.
I found at the end of the year it was time to move beyond the emotions of the moment and survival was essential. I couldn’t very well plan my survival if my back was against the wall and I was drowning in my own tears.
I had to map my own survival because I could see no solution anywhere near on the horizon. Because of that fact I’ve since managed to develop what is perhaps the most frugal existence anywhere in my community. I can’t tell you everything about it in a short space of course but as Dave Ramsey would put it " I’m living like no one else". It’s not because I want to but because I have to or die , it’s just that simple.
Long term unemployment is denied by government leaders, it’s victims are shunned by employers nationwide and ridiculed by the employed as being lazy and mostly people who " just don’t want to work ".
Long term unemployment is the dirty secret of our society. Every person who is long term unemployed is most likely someone who’s failed to become employed during the 26 week period following the loss of a job. Those still unemployed after this point will increasingly find no one wants to even talk to them about a job never mind hire them.
We are the untouchables.
I wish I knew an answer to this conundrum but I do not. I also have no wish to discourage anyone and I certainly hope everyone else has a better experience than I. I’ve been told some do and that’s a great thing so we can’t give up hope and personally hope is all I have left.
@40nOn I agree with mapping one's own survival plan. Each of our experiences are unique, even though we share the grief of a disheartening situation. I hope that by the end of my first year, I'll find a solution. I think the trick is to empower ourselves, and not listen to dysfunctional messages from others who are not supportive. That's what forums like this is for - to find support. Thanks for replying. Let's keep this going...
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@Grace2016 I definitely agree with you on the need for self empowerment so important and a great observation. Like yourself I try hard to avoid the negative but in truth have found very little overall in the way of support here since joining in 2014. I don’t wish to disparage anyone who is or has been a part of it but nonetheless so it is. I originally joined in hopes of finding new ideas and learning from others experiences.
It seems I encounter one of two types either the person filled with high flown platitudes or the person who sounds as though they’re one whiskey away from complete breakdown and very little in between. I take it all in stride though quickly realizing how I felt my last day of work and the days immediately thereafter , ah what a dark time for me that was.
Nearing my third year of unemployment I’ve learned nothing happens overnight but as you say we must carry on for tomorrow comes a new day and with it new possibilities.
My approach to this is just as with anything else, face reality, accept the things I cannot change, change the things that are within my power, encourage others, and continue to believe tomorrow will be and has to be better than today.
" The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen "
G K Chesterton
@angelaokolo SPAM
I'm on disability for multiple health/mobility issues so yeah..makes the hurdles higher..but there are lots of great people out there that aren't cruel at all. Seems to be some really nice ones here:)
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@L8Blumer Im sorry for what youre going through. I know there are some people. but they are not my family or anybody around me…
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OUAT yes I was there with you. I was young and just kept trudging through one day at a time. Now I feel like my life is a bigger mess, with too many responsibility and being alone.
There will always be something. So just do what you can an d leave the rest to God.
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@phdchick I feel all alone and old
You have us. We may be older, but we are not alone. We have each other. May be, it's my PMS talking today; I sometimes want to scream "screw it" when the world seems to be against us.
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@c_otter I know ive been there. You can talk to me if you you need to.
@Rue171 I am extremely depressed today. I know I need someone. But my depression makes me wanna be away from people.
@spark_girl @Rue171 I would say my overall mood has been dysthymic and at times depressed. I feel the same that I want to be away from people when I feel depressed. I can related to what you are saying. I sometimes manage to distract myself with house chores and my arts and crafts stuff. I sometimes become restless when I cannot distract myself from being depressed. The depressive mood is like a whirlpool; it sucks you in and wants you to stay at the bottom. When we want to get back up, it takes a lot of our strength and many times of trying. I have been seeing a therapist and taking an antidepressant for both my dysthymia and anxiety. The meds. helps. It's still a struggle; I feel better and sometimes worse. Hang in there.
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