Is there anyone else about to start their spring semester of school?

Ok, so i've been doing pretty good with not bingeing but i have also been off from school for 3 weeks, and school is jsut pure emotion-full for me......theres a lot of stress and deadlines, late night cram sessions, plenty of hours sitting and just studying. In the fall semester i gained about 20 pounds due to this. I have been pretty safe all break by being stree free and being about to worout a little if i over-indulge but when school rolls around i know that im going to be spending more of my time sitting there studying. And stress scares me a lot....i remember when i would get home from class in the fall and i had a test to cram for i would be so tired when i got home and just eat and eat to stay awake and then i just felt all gross there sitting all night studying....im truely scared to go back to school this week. I have my next therapy appt on friday so i hope this is something i can learn to deal with asap, is there anyone else freaking out about this!!!!?????? And i have been doing great the last almost 2 weeks with bingeging but in case u want to know how i was before this winter break....i was a mess! I had classes monday thru thursday, 3 day weekends every week and weekends were resevered for bingeing...i literally bought food and left it in my car on thursday, the second i finished my last class i went to my car and ate finger foods while driving, m&m's, raisinets, chips, chex mix, little debbie cakes, entire packs of chips ahoy and oreos, i ate all this on my way, yes on my way to the fast food places! Horrible! I would order what i wanted and placed them in the back seat....i would also usually make a call to the pizza place and order a large pie to get at my last stop. So every thursday after school id basically bignge the second i got to my car and while getting more food, i'd come home, put the pizza in the fridge(i liked cold pizza) plus thats what i'd eat the rest of the weekend, if it lasted that long....i would jsut go home and drop my bookbag and lay out all the fast food places food and eat, and eat and eat....then feeling totally gross id just nap and wake up and start the pizza and just go to bed....my stomach would jsut hurt so bad that id lay in bed with icepacks on my stomach in major pain....only to wake up friday and do the same, i think it was jsut my school week of stress built up and those weekend binges were my release, it was sick and i hope i dont go back to that im terrified with school starting! I even remember one weekend a friend texted me to babysit and i didnt want to say no and not help out but i was so full and gross and i prolly gained like 10 pound since they last seen me i was terrified that they would just stop by the house one day.....who does this? Who is so terrified to run into friends when they are out cuz they will notice that they gained weight?! Am i alone in this or do some of u feel the same way?

I feel disgusted when I see my friends! U are not alone! Try taking it one step at a time
when you go back to school! When I have the urge to buy food I take a deep long breath and tell myself I am not a mindless eater! Try breathing and clearing your mind!

Thanks for your advice…i was actually truely miserbale last semester and i already made the step to reach out and find what i truely wanted as a career and i chnged my major over xmas break…so i hope this is a brand new start for me in school and i hope this gives me joy to learn rather than beat myself by feeling im stuck…we’ll see though i plan to go into the semester 100% positive i jsut hope the stress doesnt get the best of me…i read a lot of self-improvment books so i plan to take the info in them and use it, i hope it helps, im willing to work hard this time…usually i have in mind already that i plan to binge but this time i feel confident, maybe a change in the way i feel from the beginning will be just what i need.

I wonder if part of the problem and this applies to me so I dont know if it does for you. but I think I believe I can't tolerate stress.

So we stuff ourselves with food to try and get rid of the uncomfortable feelings and then its just a vicious cycle, the binge eating causes more stress and then we dont have time or energy to deal with anything else. I am going to try telling myself that I can cope with stress and look for other ways to deal with it. Not sure how this will work, maybe we can all try this together.

I know how you feel about seeing friends and feeling that you have gained weight, I say that too and my friends always tell me they just want to see me and they dont care about how much I weigh. Still, I feel uncomfortable which makes me start dieting and exercising and then eventually binge eating from the pressure to lose weight that I put on myself.

School is a lot of pressure. Dont be too hard on yourself.

Thanks for ur advice i hope the stress doesnt come too fast, at least want to have a few more weeks of therapy and binge-free eating so i can step back and say i can handle anything but right now i still have a few weak points and the stress returning may just undo all my hard work up to this point......keep me posted on how things are going for u!

Hi Jh,

I am new to this site but when I read your post I could totally relate to you. On the way home from school when I drove home alone was my bingeing session time. I would sometimes stop at more than one drive thru and order food and then immediately throw away the wrappers, brush my teeth, chew gum, and buy a car freshener so my car didn't smell like fried food so that no one would know I had been eating at fast food restaurants. I am gluten intolerant also so when I eat fast food it actually makes me sick for days, so I absolutely had to hide my eating habits from anyone who knew me or they would know I make myself sick.

The one thing I noticed is that when I'm in school, I eat as a distraction from studying. When I study at home, I can't study - I just eat to avoid the studying. Most of the eating is to put off the studying, and also because I am uncomfortable being alone sometimes and I become afraid of my own thoughts, so I often eat to "silence" my mind.

What I found helps is staying at the school and studying there before going home. When I actually did that, I was able to go home and relax, having already faced the stress i was originally eating to avoid if that makes sense. That helped the most, but was also one of the hardest rules to enforce upon myself, because school is so stressful and draining that I always want to go home and veg out right after school.

Another suggestion is when you know you might binge on fast food, drive home a different way. I know that's not always an option but when I was contemplating mcdonalds binges on the way home from school, sometimes I would be on my way and I suddenly would turn down a different road and make myself go a way where I knew there were no restaurants.

Anyway, I felt when I read your post as if I was not alone, and that is a good feeling to have. We can support one another throughout the quarter if you like. My quarter begins tomorrow and I will be posting regular updates on my progress. My goal is to be binge free for the entire first week of school!

Stick with it, you can get through it :) and you changed your major to something that is more meaningful to what you want to do, so when you are about to binge try asking yourself "What will this do for me?" "Why do I want to do this to my body?" "Why is it easier for me to eat than to face my fears?" I know, easier said than done, but it is possible. Take it moment by moment and keep breathing.

-Becky

Hey there! Thank you for your posting…i am glad u can relate to me too…i begin school on thursday so i’ll def keep u posted on everything…in a way i guess bingeing was a way to leave my studying but after a binge i eneded up having to study anyways so its jsut a short term distraction…but i look forward to challenging myself not to binge this semester…i have been doing so good over xmas break with not bingeing in about 2 weeks and i am motivated for this not to be wasted once school begins. I really cant stay at school to study but i can def change my route home…i really dont get the driving home cravings, its already a planned binge for me, i packed the car with food and knew i wanted to binge after class it isnt as much im driving and then it strikes its already well in my mind before i chose my route home and if its in my mind im doing it whether im driving that way or not, like an addict, if i want it i’m going to do anything to get it. But def stay in touch, i made some changes in my major and i am planning to study something that i truley have intrested in so i hope i enjoy studying more and pend less time avoiding studying with food…good look at class i’m here for u if u need to vent about school if u would like i can give u my email and maybe everytime u have a school stress or big exam coming up or u want to binge or just want to vent to me u can i have noticed that over my break once i get my feelings onto paper or into words and type them and vent i feel better and i vent my feeling rather than eat food, good luck and welcome, im here for u!

JH

Jh- thank you for your reply! I am more than happy and willing to support each other on the site whenever you have a big test or exam or even when you are premeditating the binge, if you send me a message or write a post I will make sure to respond as soon as I can! Hopefully we can help talk each other out of it or at least offer some different solutions. For me bingeing has always been something I do impulsively - its hardly ever premeditated except for if I know I will be alone for a few hours sometimes I start planning out what I could fit in to that time frame, food wise. And yeah I agree about the studying, the fact that the eating only postpones the studying and you still have to do it later... I always procrastinated studying, then binged, then a lot of times I would feel so crappy after bingeing that I wouldn't study at all and sometimes skip my assignments. And since ultimately I know bingeing will lead to that I am going to do my best to avoid that situation.

Do you know what triggers the binges? Is it more knowing that you have a big exam and you are afraid of failing or is it just all the pressure to meet the deadlines? Also do you live by yourself? I live with my bf so when I do binge it's when he's not there and I always feel so guilty hiding it from him. I havent told him about my ED yet though.

Be laugh,

I am not sure what triggers my binges, emotions 100% which, all of them! But if u read some of my other posts i have been binge free about 2 weeks....i am also in therapy to find the roots of my bingeing.....i am married and my hubs deployed now, so these 6 months alone are what gives me permission to binge, when hes home i never want to binge or i dont binge on as much when hes hear, i want to look good for him so i try to be good when hes here and he motivates me not too and when i go, i also hide it. Hes been gone 4 months i thought of it as 4 months of freedom to binge and i did, but i gained a lot of weight since he left, im scared for him to come home and see a bigger gurl, he is supportive but i realized that i can have our marriage circle around am i bingeing or not, i want a better life and more to live for then food, thats when i started to get help, i feel like im doing it for me and for us, i jsut want him to come home and be happy that i got help and i opened my life to a brand new one! A binge free! good luck in school, start thursday, clean, fresh slate right!? And i binged becuase i knew i had to study, i also am a perfectionist and fear getting bwlow and A i never binge due to fear of failing, but fear of not being perfect, i am slowly learning that no ones perfect, i am finally excepting that, it just make take a long time to believe it and stop second guessing myself.