so lately we have been really tight on money and not really able to spend any extra money on anything but my husband gave me 40$ the other day to spend on a few groceries and after i bought the food that we needed i had some extra money so my daughter and i went to the dollar tree and if you dont know what that is its a store where every thing is only a dollar anyways i spend 18$ in there and when we got home my husband was so mad at me and didnt talk to me except to scream at me for 2 days , a few years ago we had a arguement and i went to work when i got off the next day he showed up at my jib and told me to not bother coming home because i wouldnt be able to get in anyways ,well i was tired so i went home anyways to see what he meant and he had put padlocks on all the doors and windows and wouldnt even let me have any of my cloths or nothing ,well after the money thing the other day he reminded me of that and told me not to forget that he could do it again ,,is it just me or is this like a really messed up thing to do to your wife ? when he did it before i left and didnt see him for 9 months and now hes threatening to do it to me again , i told him if he does he will never see me again and i meant it but now im like terrified that he is gonna kick me out again and take all my cloths and things again if i make him mad , i dont know what to do i love him but i dont think that this is right for him to do i know i have a problem with spending money but i dont think its right for him to kick me out i mean i am his wife , do other husbands do this to their wives or is it just me ? what should i do ? im so scared that hes gonna do this to me again and i cant stop thinking about it last time he kicked me out i had nothing i was working but had just spent all my money on bills , now im not working and have no where to go i dont even have a car we share a truck that he purchased before we met .
no that is not right!!1 He sounds like an abuser if not physical emotional and verbal. If he can go through all that to lock all the doors... I well just say I hope you guys get through this since you love him. but he continues to threaten you you mighthave to leave and it would be best. that not a good sign he did this and its makes me a bit nervous
Just me again,
This is not ok! Not normal!
Partnership is about respect, love and being a team to support eachother!
If he had a problem he should have sat down and discuss this with you!!! He does not have the right to lock you out of your own home....nor does he have the right to threaten you either!!
Ignoring the problem is not going to fix it!
When someone loves you they love all the things about you....the good and unfavorable. But there is limits....you always have to love you more!
If he is unable to treat you with respect that is really too bad because you are worth that! I hope you know that!
Good luck and I hope this email finds you well!
Not only is this not normal, this sounds like a poisonous situation. Actually, if my husband ever treated me like that, I'd leave. But I understand that you love him and you are dependent on him right now. You're in a tough place. You need more independence than you have at the moment but jobs are hard to come by. Have you tried sending your resume to temp agencies (the more, the better)? Jobs scarce but every little bit helps. Sometimes those positions can turn full-time or put you in contact with someone who is looking to hire.
It might also help if you and your husband can determine a budget. If you can agree how money will be handled and both stick to it, it can avoid a lot of trouble.
For yourself, have you ever checked out flylady.com? Flylady is really about decluttering but a lot of times, cluttler is a symptom of depression and/or insecurity. Two great pieces of advice from Flylady are dress to the shoes every day and write down all of the nice things you can think about yourself and look at them each day. These are little gifts to yourself. You deserve compliments.
I hope things will be looking up for you soon. Please update us on how you're doing.
jenw i dont have a problem really with clutter and things like im not a hoarder or anything like that if thats what u mean just sometimes i buy a few things mainly art supplies because i draw alot and paint and make alot of things , i will check out this site though that you spoke about .
Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression about the clutter thing. What I was trying to say was that even though flylady is about decluttering, some of their suggestions are to help with self-esteem and depression. In particular, it’s a good habiit to write down all of the things you like about you or have had other people say they like about you, and then look at those each day. I bet you have plenty of great qualities. Sometimes those little reminders can make the bad days suck a little less.
questions and lynn_88 well im really glad you both also see this as not normal at all i feel like he treats me like a child alot like he wants me to quit smoking and i want to quit also so i say i will try but its not that easy ive tried everything i used the patches and the gum together and they didnt work and i dont have the money for the pills and he refuses to pay for anything to help me quit so when i didnt quit he said i lied to him and said our daughter gets grounded for lying i should get grounded to , i mean really ground me his wife ,what the hell is he for real ? i feel like it is emotional abuse also like you both said it is really hurting me worrying about will today be the day that i really make him mad and i have to find a place to go . every time he gets mad at me he completely takes his love away which i dont understand i mean even if im really angry with him i still love him . if i try talking to him about the way i feel he either just ignores me and says nothing or he says he dosent make me feel that way i make myself feel that way . i do love him more than anything and i would do anything for him but im getting to the point where i have no more fight left in me and on one hand i want to just pack my things and leave i mean i could find a park or somewhere to sleep , it would have to be better than this better than spending a good part of my day every day crying or walking on eggshells because im so terrified ill say or do the wrong thing and if he just kicks me out then i get to keep nothing last time i had to buy all new cloths and everything hell he wouldnt even allow me to have my toothbrush or nothing and then he called all my family and told them all a bunch of lies so that none of them would help me including my dad who i have only known a few years he told him that i was doing crack and was all strung out which was totally a lie so then my dad wouldnt even speak to me and he still wont really talk to me now which really hurts because i always wanted to know my dad ever since i was a little girl and i finally found him after years of dead end searches and then my husband took that away from me , i feel like sometimes he wants to make sure that he is the only one i have so that i will never leave . when i was 19 i met this girl at work who was 18 and my husband is a good deal older than me but i was only 1 year older than my friend and she still lived at home so he thought she shouldnt be my friend , my friend and i went out one night to a after party and he didnt want to go well i know she was underage but so was i and we each had a few beers so the next day he called her mom and told on me isnt that something that my dad would do and not something my husband would do ?
The more you tell, the more worried I am for you. Abusers will often try to control their vicitims and isolate them from friends and family. That sounds like what your husband is doing. I don’t know your husband but I worry about his abuse going to another level. He already has you heavily dependent on him.
About your husband’s retaliation towards you… sometimes it’s tough to do the right thing and sometimes we make bad decisions. Plus, any kind of addiction can be hard to break especially with extra stress. You’re right that you are supposed to be an equal partner in this marriage. Your husband is not your dad. While it’s his right to disapprove of something you’ve done, it’s not his place to punish you. If he has a problem with it, he should be trying to work it out with you.
I'm glad you are on here to get support, advice, and shown that people do care about you and how you're truly doing.
You're not in a good situation. I can tell from what you've let us know so far, he has a really big problem with wanting to control you constantly and he is busy trying to alienate you from everyone you get close with.
I'm not saying I'm a big promoter or divorce (I am divorced, and it's hard) but I am a big promoter of being against emotional and/or physical abuse....and that's what he is doing to you. Something is definitely wrong with him and even if he can't help it, unless he is at least willing to look for some outside help this is probably going to get more and more intense for you.
Do you know how bad my ex got when it came to control and alienating me? He disabled my car by removing parts under the car hood so it wouldn't start, he took the license plates and hid them from me, he hid all car keys so I couldn't drive anywhere, he unscrewed light bulbs and threw them across the room so I couldn't read in bed if I wanted to, and the real clincher....when I lost a baby girl at 6 months pregnant, he told me I was a failure and he locked me out of the house to punish me for that and had my son in the house locked away from me.
I'll pray for you and hope your husband gets help....you don't want to let this keep escalating as far as I let it go....that's no way to live. Keep us posted on how you're doing! Lots of hugs to you! Sunshine!