I'm back at work. And to make things interesting, two of my former coworkers from 4th grade have moved up to 5th grade this year. They join me on this wonderful team, and I can't help having mixed feelings... One of them has always been a sweet and supportive friend. The other was my teaching partner, and part of the reason I struggled in that grade level. This latter teacher looked at me in wonder on Monday... As I laughed and joked with the team, she said, "Jen, I've never SEEN you like this!" My 5th grade friends said that I have really come out of my shell. I laughed and said, "It's called PROZAC!" Hahahahaha!! ♥ That got a wild response! LOL! So... Letting some shame go! ;0)
Reflecting this morning... My isolation, though I'm still prone to it, seems to be crumbling... That's a GOOD thing... ♥ " Isolation is both a prison and a sanctuary." "... a retreat from the paralyzing pain of indecision." I can FEEL those statements... It's hard to know how to trust oneself... Unable to decide whether to take the risk to do so keeps us in that place of unsteady indecision... It pushes us deeper into our hiding holes, isolated from pain and risk and pleasure and joy. Separated from the living, but not quite dead. Removed and alone. Feeling safe... Feeling trapped... Our sanctuary IS a prison.
Here's to breaking free! Laughing with gusto! Connecting with others. ♥
Wonderful to hear this, Jen!!! Another milestone for you. I wish you the best of luck and love this schoolyear as those doors keep opening up for you to express yourself as the wonderful person you are!
Jen,
The road really keeps going, every milestone we pass is followed by hills. What a beautiful thing to be recognized for being vibrant,instead of sick. I guess your hill is to stay connected as you get busier. I have no doubt you have what it takes to get up any hill or mountain for that matter.
Happy back to school. I'm in prep mode, the kids come back next week.
Love,
Patsy
Jen this made me smile too..its obvious to others you have moved forward in your recovery when they make positive remarks about you even if they had no clue about your Ed thay see a change in you..its great to see your confidence grow.
goodness jen, i d love ot be able to break free from my prison. that is what im talking to the therapsit about ---my fear of people and how is was so hurt by others--how i dont trust people. i really do want freinds now, i havenst for a year and a half. i was too scared and fel safe--yes in my 'sanctuary prison'. it does feel SAFE but also sad and lonely..and cold. sometimes i like the isolation, sometimes i hate it. it is conforting--knwoing i wont get hurt or rejected. but it isnt what i want anymore and i want to learn how to trust others. i do. and relate to others without choking up and getting scared.
i do want freinds, but i am scared....i do want that social ability that i did once have--that got destroyed. i was always veyr shy growing up, but there were times i was more social, and what seemed to make me fearful of others is getting hurt and betrayed.
so , here is to breakign down that wall and livign again. i sure do know id like to try it, and be able to relate to oothers again...and have my bubbly personality back with others...
Love you all! ♥ Yes, staying connected as the general busyness increases is definitely a hill to climb... ♥ Patsy, my students come back next week as well. Lots of meetings and prep work going on right now. Lots of long days and nights. Tomorrow is Meet the Teacher night. Wow-ee!!
I don't know if I'd call it a "milestone", so much as a beautiful and free MOMENT. ♥ Life is made up of these moments... I think it's been a looong time since I really lived one of them! It FEELS good to laugh! ♥