It actually took a lot of courage for me to join a support g

It actually took a lot of courage for me to join a support group and reach out to others. I've read a few, random post earlier. I feel a bit of comfort knowing I'm not alone in my pain and frustration. But, it seems that most bloggers are mid-age. I'm 32yo (just turned 32 couple of weeks ago), I've been helping take care of my mother who has suffered from a severe stroke earlier this year. This has been my battle for the past 9 months, I cannot relate to my peers anymore. It is making resent my caregiving situation even more. I feel that a majority of my friends cannot relate to me right now. That most caregivers are far more older than I when they begin to take care of their parent(s). This angers me; I feel like a chunk of my youth has been robbed from me. Is anyone else a younger caregiver? Or has anyone been a young caregiver? I just want to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I guess my main concern is that I haven't started my own life; launch my career, get married, have children, etc... I want to do all those things but feel hindered because I'm taking care of my mom. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful she's alive. However, I feel a part of me has died. I'm just human, and these are the thoughts and feelings I try to repress because they are so selfish and I feel guilty. But, I can't keep them in forever, it's eating away at my soul.

1 Heart

anger, lots of anger...i can so relate. I have been caregiver to my mom for 7 years now. Well my husband and I. I am also younger. It was manageable until this past May when within 24 hours my husband was in horrific auto accident, dead at scene, cpr,icu...then coma for 18 days...then mom went into hospice...they are both home now...There are days I'm angry,
sorry, just reading your words took me back..very emotional deep crap goes on in mind...plus my hubby lived but severe TBI.

3 Hearts

@judesilver
How awful for you. I totally understand your anger as well as the crap that goes on I your mind. I will pray for us both as right now I don’t have any solutions

I'm sorry to hear that judesilver. I have a very supporive boyfriend, who's been my main rock through this ordeal. I probably would have gone to the deep end if I didn't have his support. I can only imagine how much more difficult it could have been without him. I only say these words because I'm not in your shoes, but I also would not have imagined myself a year ago in this situation (taking care of my mom). Hence, a year ago I would have been telling a young caregiver that I couldn't imagine how I would be able to stay strong. Here I am, though, fighting for that silverlining. But other days, I feel better off dead. Thank god for forums like this. Someone's feeling the same things I'm feeling at the same time; real time.

Get outside help if you can. I was 39 with an infant when Dad got sick. I'm fifty now and the baby is in seventh grade. A stroke doesn't always kill my Dad has been suffering for 11 1/2 yrs now . Make it clear that strangers helping is no reflection on you and how much you love your Mother. Save yourself and do not give up your life for hers. I wish someone would have told me this before I took this on.

Luckily, my siblings and I share caregiving futures. My brother, sister, and I each have our assigned day with my mom; as she has 24hr care, although, she could do most daily activities on her own. My assigned day is every Tuesday. My auntie helps us three days of the week (we pay her); my siblings and I alternate Saturdays. We've also moved into an apartment soon after my mom had stroke, we were all living in separate places. So, I do not have all the caregiving responsibilities. But, even with that, I still have my ups and downs. It has not been a year yet with our worlds turning upside down. On good moments I can see the silver lining. And on bad moments... Well, on bad moments I feel the way I feel when I wrote the original blog. I really want to sort those bad feelings out. Just being in this forum helps. I thank you @jeannine63 for your response. I'm so curious about other people's experiences. Tell me, has it gotten easier for you? Did you get outside help? I really want to go into nursing school (I'm so close to getting in too; it's an accelerated bachelors in nursing program, therefore, it'll only be a year... But a very intense year). I just really want to get that career started so I can be more financially stable to help myself and my mother.

*Luckily, my siblings and I share caregiving duties.

Hi. I don't know if I can help. I take care of home bound friends. I had brain surgery . I went through a lot of changes. . Its hard for me to talk about it.

Hi @maesargent46! Thank you for your response. Just knowing that you've taken the time to read my blog and commenting helps me. It just makes me feel less alone in this endeavor. I'm amazed that you help your friends out even with your surgery.

@purpletulips I’m 67yrs old an not only care for my friends, I didn’t state this before, my husband will be 80yrs old in Feb and the Dr said my husband is homebound as well. I have one of my sons helping me and a gran daughter too. Iwant to help , aand I hope what I say does give you a little comfort. I’ll also pray for you. So that God can help to. I like doing Bible research and enjoy that. It takes up a lot of time when lonely. Take care of yourself. I will be here for you.

I am 33. My husband 42 was paralyzed after a back surgery gone bad in March. I feel the resentment too. I have had to give up a lot of things that make me, me, to take care of him. For me there is no light at the end of the tunnel. As he will never be completely independent. However, I do make time to have some one come in and help me now, as I recently run into a syndrome I didn't know existed...you can look it up. It is called caregiver burnout syndrome. I lost it on his family, who have been little to know support through this all. I have a local college student come in the mornings to get him ready, so I can go to the gym and get ready for my day as sole earner in my family. I also take a weekend once a month to go out and do things with my girlfriends and run errands. Take time for you, or you will burn out and instead if helping her be a source of concern. In my case I developed verbal diarrhea and went postal on him and his family. I also make time for my WW meetings as I have gained more weight through this process. You need to be there for her, but not all the time. You need to live and enjoy your life too.

@damartinez1980 I know exactly how you feel. My uncle took care of his mom and dad. They had become blind and deaf by the age 89 yes old. They were like vegetables. He was married, had a daughter, and a job. He cried when he put his mom in a nursing home. My uncle would call and cried for hours. My husband is home bound because he can hardly walk, and I feel bad for him. He will be 80 in Feb. He also forgets things and he is aware of it. When my husband and I married for one month, my mom was found dead in the garage. I had to take on my siblings, make decisions on her funeral, and I had problems with my siblings. Now, I’m a nobody to them they won’t talk, or see me. Take a deep breath, and take one thing at a time. Delegate chores to the family. Have family meetings. If you have siblings, see if they can come and help you. I had no cooperation from anyone and I was 19 with that. You are a good daughter and I’m proud to see that you are trying. Please let me know how it goes from time to time.very few would take on that big of a responsibility. Do what you can. . :slight_smile: