This is all new to me, divorce, support groups. My wife of 15 years, the love of my life told me 2 days after our 15th wedding anniversary that she doesn't want to be married to me any more and wants me to leave the house. We have 2 beautiful girls that mean more than anything to me.
I am not sure what to write or if I should go on, this is new to me.
Its Hard I know ... I caused or should say causing the same pain to my husband ,,, i wanted out so bad that I was only thinking of my peace that i had lost a long time ago ... and did not realize the pain he was going to go thru... and my kids ,,,, my marriage of 17 yrs has been a roller coaster ride ... i went thru alot of stuff with him and im not going to lie he did change but my heart did not accept it or really for gave him for everything he put me thru... and when i walked out last month ... all I wanted was to be able to breathe again ... and he since then has started seeing someone and says he is happy ... Im still going thru so many emotions that I can not begin to express . Im no one here to give you advice all i can say ...either side of a seperation or divorce is hard ... both side feel and hurt ... right now all im doing is taking it day by day .... i do not know what the future has in store ... all I know is that the love for my children will never change ...the children are the ones who hurt the most ... i ask my kids to forgive me for putting them thru all this ... everyone tells me it take time to adjust ...time heals all wounds but sometimes I feel like time is at a stand still... I may not be able to give you great advice but i can certainly be a friend to hear you out...
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, harder than when my parents both died. I am not even mad at my wife, I am more hurt than anything and miss our girls so much. It's been almost 2 months now and it is not getting any easier for me it actually feels harder as the days go by. I miss my family so much, they are all I have. I feel so lost and afraid. The part that gets me the most is when I ask her why all of the sudden she tells me she has been feeling that way for a while and didn't want to say anything. Mean while 2 weeks prior we were talking about having another baby and moving to Florida. Now I come to find out from our daughters that she spends a lot of time on Facebook.
I am sad for you and your family. I guess it's kind of different to hear from a man's perspective. Usually, at least in my world, it is the woman who gets left behind. I hope that you are still seeing your girls as much as you can. They did not ask you to leave. Try not to allow your hurt to get in the way of being a good dad. Did your wife file for divorce, or just ask you to leave?
She asked me to leave and filed for divorce within 2 weeks and is literally trying to erase the 20 years we had together. I am trying to see our girls as much as I can but with her there is always a demand or ultimatum as to when I can see the girls. My wife even got mad when I showed up at the kids school for field day. I just want my family back, I miss them all so much. I am not angry with her, I am more hurt. It wasn’t like we would argue or fight it has been well over a year since we had any type of argument and then out of no where she asks me to leave. It seems like it all started when I bought her a smart phone and she started going on Facebook and having her phone by her side at all times, before then she would just leave the phone on the table.
My heart goes out to you... I completely understand how youre feeling. I'm almost in the same situation except that we didnt have kids and we were together for 7 years. She started to change as well when she started spending crazy amounts of time on the computer and it turned out that she had been cheating on me. and I agree time doesnt seem to help =( keep your head up though and continue to post here whenever you need to vent.
Hello everyone I have to say that time does heal what we have to go through.
Right now you feel hurt the next comes the anger.Beleave me you will go through many changes as time goes by.I have been going through a divorce since April of last year she to asked for her time alone gave her that being I loved her very much.Weekends she disappeared never did this before in 17 years of marraige
She to changed when the computor came in the house.From the time she got up to went to bed she was on it.That was a big argument with me.I finally filed for a divorse in june of last year.I tryed everything I could to save our marraige but she gave up.Found out through phone records she had boy freind and had for a long time.Listen we all change but it is what you want out of life is what counts. I to have 2 young kids 8-10 so I know how you feel about wanting family back.Do yourself a favor never bad mouth or say anything negative to your kids about X .It will be hard but leave them out of this.This support group is great it has helped me so very much.
You will have to look to the future not the past your on a new train of life make the best of what you have know it will get better .
Good Luck and keep your head up.
ChrisACe, my heart goes out to you for what your experiencing & this has nothing to do w/FB, I'm sure as you continue to talk things through w/friends here you'll begin to focus more on how this all came about & then be capable of empowering yourself finding answers along the way. One does have to look within & take responsibility for what they bring into a relationship directly/indirectly & then learn tools for correcting certain behaviors & have better communication skills in the future so as to never repeat this type of experience again, this is how someone pulls something positive out of a bad experience, so please keep talking w/us here if & when you feel up to it & good job w/keeping contact w/your kids as they really dont understand adult situations & didnt ask to be a part of this in any form as I'm sure your well aware of.
All my strengths.
April
I understand the hurt. I understand the self-pitty that you can fall into. My wife and I are going through it, big time, and it hurts. I had a son prior to meeting my wife and now at 13 is lives with me. This year I'll be divorced and a single dad... wow gotta laugh at that. But, what I want to say is that your kids are watching how you handle this. I love being a dad, and wouldn't let anything stand in my way of doing so, your girls are watching, show them what you're made of.
I am sooo sorry. I hate to say it butit sounds like your wive may be involved in an affair- emotional or physical. When they are on the computer or smart phone all the time and are proctective of their phone it is usually a red flag. Also she is filing quickly for a divorce so maybe she has someone in the wings waiting. I don't know what your state is like with alimony, but it may be worth your while to hire a private dective or do your own dective work to find out if an affair was in play. Sometimes the courts will award less alimony if an affair was involved. Something to think about.
April you are so right Thanks I needed that
I am closer to my children more than ever before.
And myself I have learned so much.
Thanks Zimmy
Zimmy you sure have come a long way & your lending a hand to others has helped so much so please keep going friend.