It is part of my personality

I'm a 52 year old women and I have been in an exclusive relationship for approx. 3 years. The title of my discussion for me is very correct. In all of my relationships past and present I have been emotionally abused at one time or another. Periodically my current boyfriend has an unbelievable compulsion to become emotionally abusive. I don't always catch myself in time to and detach and disengage. This is not my first go-round in a relationship and with a partner that has a tendency to occasionally become abusive. I usually can see it coming from a mile away, and therefore step back from the sandpit and watch him try to do his thing. I have had extensive therapy and have made enormous strides to overcome and to understand my own personality traits and flaws. No relationship is perfect. With that being written here comes the kicker. I will NEVER be in a perfect relationship!!! All I can do is continue to be mindful of myself and to stay in therapy and to constantly be aware of being true to my inner core. I'm not saying I don't feel the pain or that I am comfortable in the realization that I am a codependent person. What I am saying is that I want a relationship, I want to be loved, but I know I can't change anyone but myself. I can write that I am in the best relationship I've ever been in and that says a lot. My current relationship may not always be this way, but for now I'm okay.

T, welcome to SupportGroups.com, is disheartening when these realizations come forward (I too can soooo understand that one with heavy heart) & your very wise for going over & beyond to educate yourself & sought coping tools to better manage yourself in life. I'm 54 & I cant really say that we will ever be totally capable of not resorting back a little to old coping skills that didnt work or help our self esteem or move us forward but all we can do is keep relaying our experiences so the next generations can truly know THEY are not alone & they can talk w/us if they care or want to.

Thank you for sharing & I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Take care of you.

April