It only took 3 weeks and she was gone

Six weeks ago my mom and I had a wonderful weekend. We went shopping and to the casino for a little while but she was tired so we came home. We had a great Labor Day, my cousin had come down from So. Carolina and we just hung out and talked about all kinds of stuff. My cousin and I started to do somethings around the house to make life a little easier for mom cause the doctors had advised she had the beginnings of Alzheimer's. Stuff like motion sensor lights and a baby monitor in her room.

Tuesday Septeber 7th, I woke up when I heard her moving around, went to the kitchen to find her trying to make coffee and feeling very confused.....I took the pot away and made her coffee and we chatted for a few minutes. I walked about 5 feet away to let my dogs in and came back to her having a massive seizure. She had never had a seizure EVER. We got to the emergency room and within an hour I was told she had a massive brain tumor.

September 8th (her birthday)we had a small party in her room and she had no response what so ever....she ate a little cake but that was it. Then the neurosurgeon came in and told me it could be one of three types of tumor but either one meant she would probably only live 3 months.

On the 9th she had surgery to remove the tumor and the doctor advised it was a glioblastoma and that she was covered in cancer and that she would not live too much longer. I brought her home on the 17th and she passed on the 22nd.

I am an only child, divorced, with no children. All my family lives 4 hours or more away. I have my dad but he has shut down and just hangs out with his friends to not be home. I sit home all day with my dogs and cry.

I have always lived with my mom and we took care of eachother. Even when I was married my ex and I lived with them so I could care for her. She was my world and now I am left alone to try to figure out how to live without my right hand without my heart.

I am all alone down here in Florida. No friends to speak of - they are all up North and have families and kids and jobs and I don't want to bother them with my problems. I need someone to chat with who understands this pain.

barbt0902 - i can’t imagine what you are going through. I know that the quickness of everything must be such a shock to the system. The only thing that could be good about everything happening fast is that hopefully your mom wasn’t suffering much and didn’t go through too much pain. Try and spend some time with your dad when you can, maybe go out to lunch or just tell him you want to talk about what happened or share good memories to feel happy or laugh. While your dad probably deals with grief differently i am sure with time you can talk to him. Stay strong and write here anytime.

i know how you must be feeling... i lost my brother to the same cancer, in feb of 08.. your post/story made me cry because your mom was doing nearly the exact same things that my brother did.. the part about coffee you mentioned?
my brother had also tried to make himself breakfast one day, and in confusion, instead of using bread to make an egg mcmuffin thing, he used two cinnamon rolls, and when he realized what he'd done, he just said "wait, that's not right, is it?".. and i remember that this was one of the last times i was able to talk to him, and i'm so thankful that it was a funny moment for him and for me.. i don't know if your situation was similar, but if at all possible, try to remember those little silly moments, and remember that she'd want you to remember her dreams and hopes for you and i'm sure she'd want you being happy.. i'm sure you've heard that a MILLION times, and that it's easier said than done, but it's important to do this because it will assist in your healing from this horrible trauma.. at least the most that you can.. like, in my situation, i'm doing my best to finish college and get my life going because i knew that my brother was so worried that i never would, and in another way, i'm doing it for the fact that he never got to finish..
is there somewhere you always wanted to go together, you and your momma? maybe making that wish a reality could help you to feel as if you can contribute to giving her (and yourself) closure.

i feel you on the part about your dad, too.. my dad and mom have been shut off for about 2 yrs now, and i've come to realize that they aren't in the position to help me really, because they're in the same boat.. maybe you could find a support group that could understand what you're going through and that can help you address the dad situation better..

also, i found that for me, dance realllllllllllly helped me to realease the emotions that i couldn't find words for, the ones that make you want to punch holes in the walls from frusteration, and now, it's almost like a tribute to my brother every time i dance, which almost gives me a feeling that in a way, he's there with me.. as corny as that may sound, it really does work..

well hey if you need an ear i'm here ok? if you want i'll even give ya my phone number so you can call if things get to be too much to handle.. no problemo

you'll be in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.. much love

jessica

Hey Jessica thanks so much for your note.

I have been blessed that without even knowing it one of my friends recommended a psychologist and she works with a lot of patients and families of patients with Gliblastoma. She is really helping me find my way. Today was my dad's birthday - the first holiday since she passed - and we really actually had a great time together. My cousin is here from So. Carolina and tomorrow will mark 2 months since the day of the coffee incident and we are going to the casino where we went on Labor Day weekend to celebrate her life.

Funny you said something about dancing.....I have always live my life by the saying "Work as of you don't need the money, Love as if you've never been hurt and Dance like no one is watching --- JUST DANCE.

Stay in school...your brother is watching and take care of yourself and your parents. As momma always said == this too shall pass.

Love Barb

barb-
so glad that you enjoyed your dad’s birthday, and that you found a psychologist to talk too as well. I love your saying, its so true and that is how we should live life.

February 23rd i lost my mom to brain cancer. She also had a gliboblastoma brain tumor. Those things are ugly and very fatal. My mom was just diagnosed in October. I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it's tough. I was best friends with my mom, too and she was everything I had. I'm only 20 and in college and planned on moving back in with her after college because she was divorced and living alone, she hated being by herself. We called each other every single day and did everything together. Things I was supposed to do with my friends i did with my mom and no one can ever replace her. It sucks this had to happen but I feel your pain.