It’s almost 3 weeks since I found out about my husbands in

It’s almost 3 weeks since I found out about my husbands infidelity. I have good and bad days, I think it’s been tough being at home with the kids (summer hols) . I am looking forward to going back to work, hoping it won’t constantly be on my mind. I love his so much and I know we will get through this. I just wish I could remove the messages between them from my brain and the images I keep having! Why does our brain want to torcher us?? Today is a not so good day x

The images are one of the worst things to deal with. The good news is they do come less and less as time goes by. The bad news is your less prepared for them when they come. Because of that I found when they do pop in my head they hurt more. I talked to a counselor about the images and it was explained to me like this. We have suffered a very bad trauma. I are instinct is to try and get past it as quickly as possible. Are minds make us see the images as a way of reminding ourselves of what happened as a way of protecting ourselves from the trauma happening again.
Give yourself time this will get better. Breath you are not alone. You are taking the first steps in a marathon be patient.

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@John99 thank you for sharing that explanation with me, I really appreciate it. X

I think for the betrayed it's like a puzzle. We try to put it all together to see how it all fits and work through it.I also know we the betrayed make it much more than it was. We embellish the affair like it was some great love/romance. It wasn't! It was a fantasy built on lies and deceit.

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As I better understood what led my husband to have his affairs and recognized that it had nothing to do with me, those images and messages had less and less impact. But, that only came with open communication about the what and why. As @Kas1966 said, "it's like a puzzle." The images and messages are only part of the puzzle. As we learn more and recognize how affairs are more pathetic than romantic, then those images and messages take on different meaning. I'm not with my husband anymore, so I recognize I have a luxury of moving on without daily reminders that others who have stayed don't.

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I'm sorry for what you are going through.
I'm actually going through a similar scenario. Been 3 weeks and I just can't move forward. The messages and all stuff keep going through my mind. And whenever he tries to apologise or talk he triggers me. And I get more angry and sad.
I'm questioning his love and our relationship, even questioning myself. And how he perceives us. It's hard to believe that he loves me and yet jeopardized everything for his stupid selfishness.

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@Mawa1 this is completely normal. I was a complete basket case for the first 6 months. What you are dealing with is trauma.

I now know that he has been in a bad place for a while and suffers with anxiety. What I didn’t realise is that he started taking steroids, to help get bigger as he had lost a lot of weight and it was getting him down when people kept commenting. He bought some weights for at home and joined the gym. It’s not an excuse by any means for what he has done to us. But there is always a reason, the women it happened with actually worked for us and I could see it coming! She was buying him gifts and calling him for help for various things. She is older than us to, how could she look at me in the face knowing what she had done!?

@Piglet4147 by all means I'm not excusing her. Her kind is the worst but this is my opinion: she's getting older, doesn't have a man in her life or one that isn't a good man. She wants what you have. She can look at you because she has no morals or conscience. She was making him her knight in shinning armor by calling for help. Most guys like that. And giving him gifts that was making him feel special. She was playing him with everything she had.

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@Kas1966 I agree. My husband told me he liked the attention he was getting from her.

@Piglet4147 yes I think it's normal especially if you two are still together and trying to rebuild. I say that because it was that way for me. How can you rebuild if you have hate/anger for that person. My anger was immense towards my husband's AP.

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@Kas1966 did you ever feel like your husband got a free pass for doing what he did. When I’m civil with my husband, I always question myself if he’s hurting as much as me or it was a free pass since he’s still around.

There are a lot of good sources in this forum for advice. As mentioned above, you need to realize this is not your fault. At some point, he made the decision to let it move forward.

How is he reacting?

You are under no one else's time table to make up your mind about how you want to handle this. You are entitled to be mad one minute, love him the next, hate him after that, and cycle back to mad. You will question a lot of what you thought you knew about each other and your marriage.

I am 7 years from D-day and I still struggle with it, but my wife still works with the guy, so that has limited the rate of healing.

I'm sorry you went thru this.

@jamiemaddrox2020 you’re stronger than me. It would drive me nuts that they’re still working together. It’s such a vicious cycle of emotions that we go through at the beginning.

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