Its been 3 weeks since i last binged and im really proud of

Its been 3 weeks since i last binged and im really proud of that. However, i really wanna lose weight .. so making myself throw up after eating has been on my mind for a couple of days :/ i gained 20 kg last year from the depression that caused my excessive binging! Nothing in my wardrobe fits anymore and its driving me crazy!! Im not one of those girls that are obsessive about their body and all they do is watch every single they eat, im not .. but i am very upset that i do not have a normal body anymore :( I just want to starve myself or just make myself throw up after every meal.

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How often do you get exercise? I've noticed that I've put on a little weight in my midsection lately, so I've started going to my school's gym at least twice a week. It's only on week 3, but I still feel really good about myself for taking the initiative. It's also been really great for relieving some of my stress. Eventually I think I'll work it up to three times a week. I'm not an active person by any means, so I'm trying to build up my stamina. It'll take time to get the results you want, even with eating right! But be patient with yourself.

@nosilaurus ive been walking 3 times a week for almost an hour. I dont want to go to the gym because once i stop, my body will get fat again unless i keep going to the gym for a really long time. I prefer walking cause its something ill keep doing always.

I think that you're talking about weight but really self esteem and self image is at the core of all this. So basically 'self' is the issue. Eat healthy, take a walk, enjoy life by doing some things you enjoy. Easier said than done. What I'm suggesting is that you embark upon a new path --- away from all the self judging, and into a new emotional landscape where you nurture yourself and love and accept yourself as you are. I'm NOT saying stay at an unhealthy weight --- you can continue to try to lose weight, but you can do it in a way that doesn't involve quite so much self loathing. I used to buy clothes that didn't fit --- but I liked them so much and they were such a great price... and then I had a closet full of stuff that was too small for me. NOW I still buy that stuff --- but I rip it apart and combine with other things -- and I make it fit. And it looks fun too. I am sending good thoughts your way and hope you'll deal with the depression that is at the bottom of all this. I know - I deal with depression too -- and excessive weight.

@LizaBLUE i dont deny that it has to do with self-esteem at all. Infact, i really hate myself and believe im good for nothing. And as i mentioned in the above comment, i walk an average 3 times a week … i love walking. I do it as much as i can. I just put my earphones on and take long walks … this weight thing is causing me to be more depressed plus i really hate shopping now. I hate buying clothes especially where i live, we dont have large sizes … all are medium or small. I go home crying :frowning:

That sounds like a good idea! It's important to have a plan that you think you'll be able to stick to long-term. I hope it didn't sound like I was insinuating that you should go to the gym in order to get active - anything that works for you and makes you feel better about your health.

@nosilaurus no no not at all, dont worry about it at all. I know ur trying to help. Thank you so much <3

Hi! Purging isn't as effective on reducing calorie consumption as many believe as only about half of your stomach contents actually are discharged. I'm sure you're already aware of many negatives of chronic vomiting; permanent damage to the enamel of your teeth, potential esophageal cancer down the line and even a possible esophageal rupture, which becomes a life or death situation. Starving yourself is also ineffective as it usually leads to more binge eating behavior. Additionally when you starve yourself, your body quick adapts, slowing your metabolism to help with survival. In fact, when you binge or choose to eat, the slower metabolism causes your body to store more fat. The result is you may gain weight by using these disordered strategies. It's far better to eat five healthy meals daily, establishing a healthy regulation for your eating. This also actually speeds up your metabolism as well. Hugs!

@certifiedangus hey, thank you for taking the time to comment :slight_smile: i actually do know that both of these arent practical solutions and both leads to many negative outcomes … i know that sounds disturbing, but i dont know, been thinking about it now and maybe i just want to hurt myself. Ive been clean of cutting for a week … i think inside i just want to keep hurting me … and in this way i can also lose a bit of weight too

I hope you have a local face to face support network? that was the only way I managed to stop the purging years ago, and the hallmark of addiction is doing all these things to hurt myself (binge, etc.) knowing all the negative consequences but still doing it. I can only speak for myself that recognizing and getting support for compulsive eating behaviors has not been 100% effective but the healthiest thing i have done for myself.

@B52 no, we actually dont have these kind of stuff where i live

HI there, I noticed earlier you said where you live they only sell small and medium clothing, not large sizes? And no type of support group or counseling where you live? I'm sorry about that and quite curious what general area you are? Cutting and hurting yourself must be dreadful and I wish you the best in finding some additional help.

@B52 I live in Beirut, Lebanon. We have therapists and psychiatrists, but no group supports of any kind, or that ive heard of.

We r here for u.

I know how you feel. Personally, I'm so sick of needing to lose weight that I just want to starve myself, but I know that that will lead to a binge. And clothes not fitting sucks. Good job with the walking! I'm wishing you the best.

I know that one. I feel like everyone's looking at me forgaining weight. My clothes feel crappy on. I feel like I have to dress under my towel when I shower. Sometimes it's just useless. I purge when I get to feeling this way? How about you?

omg i had a very similar experience with binge eating with depression. The meds made you gain weight like crazy on top of it all and i am having a very hard time not being able to fit into my clothes. What i started to do was stop dwelling on what i can wear anymore. i am trying to eat better but i am doing my best to be patient with myself and not get angry that i cant wear certain things. instead i am being honest with myself and i had to buy new clothes. but im not buying clothes i can hide my body behind. i am buying clothes that make me feel confident about the size of my body even when sometimes i dont feel as confident. feeling good in your skin even if it is behind some accessories is important. wear what makes you feel happy because whatever size you are, your body is always a work in progress and you never have to be stuck in one size. weight changes, but so can your state of mind!! Just be healthy and be happy.