It's been 4 years now since my dad passed away..I feel am stuck in anger sadness and depression. A few years ago, I tried writing a letter one that I don't send of course. It did help me a lot, but felt I wasn't able to get everything down on paper that I wanted to express to my dad. I never got the chance to say my final goodbye to him, because I wasn't there when he passed away.
Sorry you are feeling stuck. Four years doesn't sound like a long time to me when it's your dad and you never had a chance to say a final goodbye to him.
I wonder if the book "The Grief Recovery Handbook" would be helpful. It takes you through the steps you need to take so this is not hanging over you forever.
Do you still have the letter that you wrote (that you didn't send)? Since it helped a lot, maybe you could write a really long P.S. with more of the stuff that still hasn't been said? If you can't find the letter, maybe you could start a new letter?
Some people find it helpful to go to the grave and read the letter out loud to him. If you decide to do that, they recommend taking someone you love and trust with you so you are not alone when you do it.
I hope you will feel healed soon.
@L2015 I really appreciate your sending me a response. I have been literally stuck now for almost 5 years . I never had a chance to say goodbye due to living so far away from him. The Grief Recovery handbook I have heard of before, but it might help me. My letter to my dad got lost so will need to rewrite a whole new letter it was something that did help with getting my feelings out and all the things that were left unsaid that I never had a chance to say or tell him. Thank you I hope I will heal soon in time
I hope you will heal soon too. The Grief Recovery Handbook is specifically written for people who notice that the grief drags on and on for years, so I hope it will help a lot.
About 4 yrs ago I was laying in the hospital listening to the doctor tell me I neeeded a triple bypass. I called my dad to tell him how bad off I was, but his second wife told me he had died the week earlier. She hadnt told anyone in his family. Still hurts to this day. We never get over it, we just gotta find the tools to get through the day.
@kkelly9, that sounds like a real betrayal, that his second wife didn’t even let you know that your own dad had died the week before. I don’t blame you for still not being over it. I don’t get any profit from recommending The Grief Handbook, because you can get it out of the library for free. I’m just mentioning what it said in the book, that this book is for people who are still grieving, even many years later, and haven’t been able to recover. They say this book’s techniques will help you put it to rest and move on. (I didn’t try their process myself, but that’s what the book said.). Anyhow, maybe it’ll help - I don’t know. In the meantime, my condolences on this great loss and the heartless way in which it was conveyed to you.
Sending prayers your way. <3
@AJ.is.a.mess1 Thank you so much for sending me prayers my way…