It's been a while since I posted last. I thought I was bette

It's been a while since I posted last. I thought I was better, that things were different. But it's all back and worse than ever. It started with an insignificant trigger that led to a massive panic attack followed by steady anxiety with regular waves of panic attacks and horrible depression. No one here understands. They want me to talk myself out of it, but I can't. I feel so helpless and hopeless. Why is this happening to me again? I was better...I really was. What's wrong with me? I can't bear the thought of living with this for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do.

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Dear comfortablynumb, I'm so sorry to hear about your ongoing panic attacks. I have panic attacks sometimes, and they are absolutely the worst! But usually they subside. So sorry yours seems to be somewhat ongoing. It's a shame that those around you don't understand about anxiety attacks. They don't understand that it's a physical reaction, a whole set of parasympathetic reactions all at once (heart speeding, sweating, etc.). If you were vomiting all the time, would they tell you to talk yourself out of it? Of course not! So it's a bummer that they can't be more supportive. You mentioned that you did have a triggering event. That is an important clue to what is going on for you. It sounds like you have insight into what triggers these panic attacks.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight it again. I can't stop crying.

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@comfortablynumb Welcome to SG! You will meet many people here, fondly called SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The top right of the page are numerous groups, also there is a Support Someone icon, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many groups as necessary. There are Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Attack groups. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow.....

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Hi again. Well, I've found that crying is really healing. You've just been through days of suffering (i.e. days of anxiety). So in my opinion you deserve to cry for a while longer. I've also gone for long periods of time without panic attacks. But when I get triggered, I will have an attack, even if I haven't for a long time. You say you went for a long time without an attack. How did you come to that place of calm? Were you taking meds? Were you seeing a therapist? Or what?

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@L2015
My calm came from a combination of things. Therapy helped a bit as did the addition of some supplements. But hormones have turned out to be a big source of trouble for me. I started seeing an endocrinologist who started me on hormone therapy. HUGE DIFFERENCE!!! I’m afraid my levels may be off again.

your not alone. today i went into the store (ive been going there for 10 years) its my safe place because its small and crowds of strangers are my trigger....but there is no safe place i almost had a seizure i couldnt stop shaking my heart was going faster then if i had ran 10 miles, this guy looked at me and was just freaked out he wasnt rude or nothin but i could tell he had noticed and was concerned. i know its hard but im not giving up. im going back to that store. if someone has a problem with how i look when i have a panic attack so be it. but i will not let it stop me. dont give up

Hang in there... don't give up.
Your not alone in the battle.
{hugs}

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@WiredWrongWoman Thank you.

im gona look into that because that actually makes sense i never thought of therapy before. thus far ive just been coping with it and trying to hide it but its been getting worse for me im thinking i should go see a doctor. :) thanks for that insight i was scared to ask about it

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@idontknowwhattoputhere Please, feel free to ask me anything you’d like to about the hormone issues. I was pretty shy about discussing it at first, but not anymore. I’ve even gone so far as to write testimonials for my endo and will openly discuss it with anyone I meet. What I can tell you is that my issues started shortly after having my last child (I was 32). Although I’d had anxiety most of my life, it seemed to escalate as I got older. I suffered a break down at 34 and began seeing a psychiatrist and therapist. My psychiatrist did what he knew to do…prescribed me different medications. At my worst point, I was on 5 different pills and while my anxiety was gone, so was everything else. I felt nothing. Then I had some nasty side effects and had to go off of one of them. That sent me into a massive spiral out of control with anxiety and depression. A friend suggested I see an endocrinologist and at that point, I would have tried anything. He started me on hormone therapy immediately (I was 38) although it was adjusted when my blood work came back showing me having some dramatic imbalances. The depression I’d been feeling for months was gone in 2 days. The anxiety disappeared a few days later. And it stayed gone for the last 2 years. Last month, I had a mild episode that lasted about a week, but then it was gone and I thought it was a side effect of weaning off of my last medication (yes, it’s taken me years to wean off of all 5 pills he had me on-I get severe withdrawal). But it had been months and I’ve been doing so well. Then, I had another that started 3 days ago. I should mention that both episodes happened around the time I should have been getting my monthly friend (I’m perimenopause so I go months without a period). I’m hoping and praying that this is just a hormone thing and can be fixed with a slight adjustment in my hormone therapy. But, I know the anxiety has always been there so it could just be me.

Long story short, feel free to ask me anything. I’m not shy about these things. I’ve just recently started writing about my anxiety issues in a blog, in part as writing therapy and in part hoping that it may help someone else who needs to know they aren’t alone.

Can you see the endocrinologist again? Maybe s/he can help you once again.

@L2015 Yes, I have an appointment in 2 weeks, but that’s the soonest he could fit me in. :frowning:

The good news is your NOT alone! If Anything you have us who would be more than willing to listen. You can make it through this and we will be here every step of the way!

I hope that whatever method it was that helped you feel better the first time will come back to you and maybe help again.

@Jayanna Thank you. I’m going back to see my endocrinologist to have more blood work done. In the meantime, I’m just trying to hang on and pray it gets better.