Its been a while since i thought about binging, or purging,

its been a while since i thought about binging, or purging, or any of that stuff. i try to keep the triggering things behind me as much as i can. today though, i just got a big package of snacks shipped to my dorm (an apology for shipping me off to school far away from the rest of the family maybe?) from my dad and he sent a message along with it saying "i mean you probably will, but dont binge it all ok?" it may not seem like a bad thing to some, but the main reason i had an ed in the first place is because i overthink. i eventually did end up bingeing, after staying up all night crying, but i didn't eat at all the next day. im getting really scared, because i was super proud of myself for not eating, and i dont want to go back to old habits (especially with sports and the weight room opening up for the fall season), and i dont wanna do this over again. i probably wont eat the next day either. does anybody have any tips for normalizing food intake?

Hi Kat, I'm so sorry you just did some bingeing despite your best efforts. I imagine you must feel disappointed in yourself, and despairing. It must be painful and confusing to go through. So sorry!

I just read some of your old posts to give me some background on this latest one. So, after reading the old ones, I have a different take on what just happened to you than what you wrote. I hope it's OK if I share my strong opinion with you: It sounds to me like you have been doing a good job of not bingeing or purging since you settled in to your new school. And I think you have a good mind, in that you were able to figure out that if you kept treats out of sight then you wouldn't be tempted. And you were strong enough to actually keep them out of sight! Not everyone can do those 2 things.

And then your dad sends you a big box of snacks. He knows you struggle with an eating disorder. He knows you're trying to be a healthy weight. So what does he do? He sends you a big box of your addictive substance! That would be like sending an alcoholic 20 bottles of whiskey! You wrote that this might not seem like a bad thing to some - well, it seems like a bad thing to me. It seems cruel and thoughtless. He knows you have a problem with eating, so he sends something tempting your way. And then, to top it off, he writes you something insulting to go with the "gift." First, he insults you/demeans you by making sure to tell you that he thinks you will probably binge. Then he pretends he's so concerned by writing, "Don't binge it all, OK?" Which I think *makes* it look like he's caring about your physical and mental health. However, to me it seems condescending and invasive, because he's instructing you what or how to eat, which is what you do with a toddler.

So, I think what he did was downright MEAN. Or at the very least, very stupid or very clueless. He placed a stumbling block right in your path. You mention that maybe he sent it to make up for sending you away. Well, if he wanted to be loving, he could have sent anything than a big box of snacks. Like, he could have sent you some money so you could buy clothes, shampoo, postage stamps, a pretty notebook, whatever. Or he could have sent you a pretty notebook. But of all the things to choose to send you, he chose the one thing that he *knew* would make your life a nightmare. He could even have sent healthy snacks (I'm assuming he sent junk food??) So, I'm thinking no wonder you cried all night. And no wonder you binged the next day. I would have binged too. It sounds like you were doing very well in successfully managing your ED, and you slipped up only because your dad set up the situation to make sure you felt crazy, or failed.

So my personal suggestion to you, for what it's worth, is to forgive yourself for your recent slip-up. My guess is that you'll probably find yourself going back to eating healthily after this blows over, just like you did before. And that you will more or less continue eating healthily - Until the next time your relatives do something stressful or crazy-making or destructive (intentionally or unintentionally) to you again. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

@L2015 thank you so much for your opinion! when you think about it it does seem like a pretty mean thing to do, and hopefully ill get back out of it soon enough <3