Its getting harder each day

Its going to be a month since the love of my life passed away and its getting harder each day to get up...its kinda funny how we would talk about what we would do if we were to pass away and we would always say "have a party, dont cry, laugh about the memories and live life" but we never said exactly how to do that. Each day I miss him even more. I look at my phone expecting him to text me just to tell me he loves me but I know its not going to happen and it kills me.There are days that I am ok and I tell my self "c'mon he doesnt want to see you like this" or I can hear him say "ay babe get up, you will be ok I promise (like he would say)" but there are days that I sleep and cry all day. His family and my family have been such a great support but its not the same because I dont have him next to me. I keep remembering everything that we talked about like how we wanted to get married and who was going to be in our wedding or how he was going to hug me when I would be pregnant but it will never happen. I just dont know if I can do this....

Hi Mvelas, I am so sorry for your loss and can only begin to imagine how you are feeling. Thank you for being here and for sharing your feelings. I think that everything that you are going through is so normal and he will always hold such a special place in your heart. As well, I think that it's so wonderful that you are surrounded by so much love and support, and of course no one will replace him, and I am sure that he wants to see you happy and smiling again. I know that you will be happy, smiling and fulfilled again with time.

Do you mind my asking if you're currently working? I think that if you slowly but surely got back out there and started to socialize and keep a bit busy, that would be so helpful.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

puppydoglvr: I am working but there are days that I get anxiety attacks and have to leave work…Honestly I feel people talking about me and how I lost the person who meant the most to me. Yesterday I was ok… I did think about him and I did check my phone to see if he texted but once again I knew he didnt. I went to go see him at the cemetery and I talked and cried to him and right now I have a calm feeling…I know each day is going to be difficult but he will give me the strenght to go on some how

mvelas

oh dear yes its funny how u never actually discuss how to continue without them, my sis inlaw died recently and i have so many grey areas in my life we use to meet at the cafe for coffee and cake but i no longer go on my own, its her night to cook tea at her house but she is no longer there,im sure that u have simular problems going on as well.

it takes a long time to come to terms with grief and there is no right or wrong way to do it, if u physically feel ill then get a quick check at the doctors as stress can cause illness especially when u are run down and upset like now.

for some a face to face group when they are ready works but i just tend to go visit the places we did things together and to be honest somedays im so cross with her that i could murder her myself, at others i just weep all over the place, fortunately i havent got to the manic laughter stage otherwise i think they would be taking me away

just take it daily hon and let yourself feel what u feel but dont forget to chat about him and do things u use to do and dont worry

hope this helps

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Domestic: I do do things that remind me of him…like I go riding with his friends and I feel his with me…I go to our favorite bar and I feel him there…I tried to take it day by day but at times I feel that I cant go on with out him. I know that everyday will be a struggle and I just hope I have the strength enough to go on…

Mighty's Girl, you are doing all of the right things. The healing process will take time and I know that you will get there slowly but surely. He will never leave your heart and your life; he will always be a very significant part of you, but there will be a day where the pain lessens, and it will lessen more and more as time goes on.

My close girlfriend lost her fiance when she was 24 years old, she is now 42. She has been married and has a daughter, but still talks about the fiance she lost and says that he's never left her heart and has always been a continued part of her life. She even said that she still feels him around her at times. She said that there is no pain, just total peace when she thinks about him and the time they shared together.

puppydoglvr: thanks for the words of encouragement. I do have days that I feel that I will be okay and there are days that I cant. I know he is with me and he is my angel now and will always be. But I just hope he can give me the courage each day to get up

Mighty's Girl:
I know exactly how you feel. I get up everyday with the most empty feeling I have EVER had. I too, feel like I don't want to go on, but I have 2 girls that need me so I know I have to go on. Thinking about my husband, the greatest love of my life I might add, gives me the strength to go on and he only died 2 1/2 weeks ago (12/21/10). I have been reading a grief book that is helping me alittle. When I read it, I feel some sort of comfort, but when I put it down the horrible horrible pain starts all over again. I just hope that this pain does subside because I can't go on feeling like this anymore. I love my husband SO VERY much and I miss him even more than that, I just don't know how I will ever go on without him.

chads wife

give yourself a break and be kind to yourself, u have the best reason to go the distance u have the girls a legacy im sure as they get older they will show mannerisms that will bring him to life daily, his kindness and thoughts will live forever within those babies and they are the reason u will keep going, no u wont replace him but u will in time find someone else to be a companion it wont be the same intense level nor will there be any highs and lows just a pleasant feeling like u get when u read the book
everything takes time and time sadly is something those of us that are left behind have loads of.
human beings arent given more than they can cope with, u are feeling raw and upset but there will be times when u find u can smile at the girls and not even miss him untill u turn to tell him about it and thats why journaling is so good, i have told my sis in law all the funny things that have happened since she left us and how her grandchildren are doing it helps to read about life now she has left us, and to see that although its bittersweet and the family are deeply missing her imput we are slowly moving forward, her youngest grandchild still sits in her chair to keep it warm for her, and her things are still lying around the house,her cup on the side by the kettle eventually they will move but not yet, at the moment she needs to be a high presence in both houses so we can absorb our loss and move forward in our own time
u take it hour by hour with plenty of time to cry and laugh and dont forget to chat here or with others who knew him

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

mightys girl

hon u will find the courage and strength to get up daily, his words echoing in your head will help u get over the worst days his loving memories will help u in times of need, and when u are ready your horizons will expand again, people are not talking about u in a malicious way they want to help and dont know how, if u feel up to it explain that u need time to be listened too that u need to take short frequent breaks to get yourself together again and cope with daily living including work shoppin and just the basics of gettin thru each day

hang on hon it does get easier in time
keep posting/chattin

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Domestic:
Thank you for your kind words. As Mighty's Girl says, I know my husband is my angel now. I just wish he would come to me in some way to let me know he is here, guiding me and our girls and watching over us. Some ppl say not to rush it, that it WILL happen. I have a terrible time with patience but I know in my situation that's all I have to have. I want him to be with me SO BADLY.
Thank you again for your encouraging words.

Chads Wife, my sincerest condolences to you and your two girls. I know that your husband is with you; he is your guardian, your angel, holding your hand through life. He gives you the strength that you need to progress forward for your girls. We are here for you, you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you tons of healing energy.

chads wife

everytime u get a positive feed back on the girls or how well u are doing its him in the background giving u a cuddle everytime u hear the wind when u are sad its him reminding u of all u had, we never loose our loved ones although at times its hard to see if we can continue and we wait for a sign of magnitude to help us go on when just as in life its the little things that matter, how many times have u shared a look because the girls had done something those feelings are still there he is still sharing,

just keep going hon and sooner or later u will find what u are searching for

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)

Thank you puppydoglvr and domestic for your kind words. I just keep hoping for a better day and everyday I get up it's always the same: depressing, sad and I feel like I just don't want to go on. I wish so badly that I could get over the "don't want to go on" feeling. It has only been 3 weeks since my husband's accident, maybe i'm being too hard on myself so soon. I just want this terrible pain to go away. That's one thing my husband always said about me, I don't have patience AT ALL. But I know in this situation I have to have nothing BUT patience because I know it's going to take time, especially since my husband and I were so very close. We were literaly ONE person. He was my high school sweetheart as I was his. So, since we were so very close this makes it even harder to try to get through my grief. I would never ever wish this pain on ANYONE.

I am so very sorry for your pain and I really wish that I could take the pain away from you, but you are so right it takes a lot of time and patience to heal. Please know that you will heal and you won't feel this pain any longer. Your husband will always be a part of you and of course you will miss him, but this unbearable pain will go away. We are here for you, please share and vent anytime. It helps to write out all of your feelings. Know that each day is one day closer to this pain being gone.

I am praying for you and sending you tons of healing energy.

chads wife

oh darling it does get better but not soon my other half is still prostrate over his sisters death and unable to function and its been a few weeks now yet he cant get past the pain of loss, letalone her husband who is still looking like a wreck, its not patience that gets u thru this its simply time,
they too were childhood sweethearts and although we all knew it was going to happen its not made the loss any better its harder cos we all know that if we had one more minute or just a few seconds it could have been different but it wouldnt have been
and u are in the same boat it wont be different untill the clock has ticked its way thru the emotions full cycle so be kinder to u and dont worry about what is happening and what u think should happen cos its never easy to be left behind

peace will come eventually

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)