It's hard for me to rationalize my thoughts, I often become fixated with a person or thing and have a completely different idea going on my head than what's actually happening, if that makes sense. It's scary and embarassing because of how real it feels. When I realize what I am doing I am ashamed and it's a dumb cycle.
2 Hearts
First of all Welcome to the massive family :)
second, No matter what you are going though you should never feel ashamed, I know sometimes it can get hard and it's really hard to see a light at the end but trust me and hold me to my words, there are always people out there who will help and offer an ear to listen and help as and where we can.I too get fixated on things and people i understand how hard it can be but i can't stress more how important it is to not see ashamed we/you have nothing to feel ashamed about, if you need any one to talk to feel free to message me or anyone else we are all here for one an other
hope this brings you a little hope