It's just not what it used to be

Hello. I am a 30 year old married mother of two young boys. Though my children are not biologically my husband's, he has helped me raise my boys as if they were his own...I love him dearly for that. We have been married for almost three years now and it seems like for the past year and a half, things have changed. I mean, I know that relationships grow and mature with time, but it just seems like we're having more bad times than good. We used to have this AWESOME line of communication, but now it seems like all we do is talk about how stressed out we are. It seems awkward when we spend time alone with each other. I feel sometimes like I'm on "pins and needles" around him because he goes through these "mood changes". He recently lost his little brother almost two years ago and he hasn't processed any of those emotions or feelings. Many of those feelings are starting to affect his relationship with not only me, but with also the kids. When I call him on the phone, he just sits there and says nothing to me...it feels awful when you feel like your husband has nothing to say to you. I suffer from anxiety and clinical depression and this is really hard for me to deal with. I feel like our marriage is failing. We don't talk, we don't agree, we don't spend time with each other, he's always in a "bad mood", we don't even have an intimate relationship anymore. I can't talk to him about any of this because he'll just sit in silence...won't respond or give feedback. I feel like a body taking up space in my own house.

Hi Cacevedo, I am so very sorry for what you are going through in your marriage. It definitely seems like the change in your marriage occurred after your brother-in-law's death, is that right? And, it seems like your husband has suppressed a lot of his feelings. Everyone deals with traumatic events so differently, but it's so important to work through the emotions at some point. Since you have had issues with communication for quite some time, have you considered couples therapy? I think that it's important for you two to have a professional work with the two of you on getting through this period of time. You obviously had a very solid foundation to start and I know that you can get back to a very happy relationship.

Would be wise to seek counseling if affordable & both partners are willing & if not, you may try to seek advice & other options w/a therapist that can lead you in a better direction as to how to approach your husband about what your experiencing & your children as this is effecting everyone & my heart goes out to you honey. As Pup mentioned people deal w/grief in different manners & sometimes not at all.

All my strengths.

April