I've always been heavier, and I've always wanted to be thinn

I've always been heavier, and I've always wanted to be thinner. In September of 2013, I weighed a whopping 230lbs. I know the weight kept climbing through October and November of that year because I was constantly "growing" out of pants. I'm pear-shaped, so I carry my weight in my hips, butt, and thighs. In December 2013, after being tired of how I felt physically and mentally, I decided to make a change. I joined a gym and cut my calories to 1,200 per day. On average, I burned 700 calories at the gym every single day, so I was only netting around 500. But there were some days I burned as many as 1,300 calories. I started dropping weight very quickly, and within a year, I'd lost 87lbs. I was proud of myself and all my hard work. But something happened. I stopped losing weight, despite continued calorie restriction and exercise. I eventually realized that, after feeling lightheaded at the gym on several occasions, that I was not eating enough. My muscles began to tire easily, and I actually seemed to be holding onto and gaining weight instead of losing it. I began eating 1,500 calories per day and changed up my workouts, but I also became more lax with my food choices. I began to eat very poorly for one day a week and restrict the other 6. I thought it was okay because I hadn't seen any weight gain from it. So I let go a bit. One day of poor eating a week turned into two, then three or four. That's when I started noticing the weight come back on, so I would panic and restrict and exercise--hard--to try to compensate. I'm not just talking poor eating throughout the day, but all-out binges. I've eaten things that are not only horrible for the body but also in large quantities. I would binge to discomfort then have some pretty bad gastrointestinal distress from it. I just got over a pretty bad binge on Saturday, actually. Right now I'm at 155lbs. So I have actually only put 12lbs back on, but I feel like I'm driving myself nuts with this cycle: Eat clean and work out --> "oh just one cookie, I've been so good" --> MANY cookies, and other things --> discomfort, anger, frustration, and shame --> eat clean and work out. I'm not sure what it's doing to my body, but it's doing a number on my mind. Anyway, that's my story. I welcome all advice and thoughts.

Have you ever tried therapy, this is more of a habit, need, desire, rather than a lifestyle change, you know you can live in a health manner, at this point your brain is still sabotaging you. Hugs and welcome! Also here is a really great share, http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/. Hugs!

I haven't ever had therapy for BED but I would like to. I feel like I have so much else going on my life life, especially family drama, that my mental state often takes a back burner.

Brite, I am going through almost the same thing! I did well, lost a lot of weight and now the binging is back again. Old habits die hard, but if we keep fighting, they will die eventually!

I'm fighting hard! I've been going strong since Sunday.