I've been dating a guy for 15 yrs. He's 71 and I'm 56. In th

I've been dating a guy for 15 yrs. He's 71 and I'm 56. In the beginning I was never introduced to his family and he'd tell me lies about a bad relationship that he had and wanted to wait to see how things went before he introduced me. 6 yrs. later I discover that he was dating someone else and she was going to family functions. I know, 6 yrs., how dumb of me! Anyway, we split for a couple of weeks and got back together only to find out years later he continued seeing her. We split again for about 4 months. He begged me to try again, that they were only best friends. He was dating her before me, but it didn’t work out and they became best friends. (lie) She’s widowed and has no one. His words. He’s asked me to try to understand that she was his best friend and he couldn’t give up that friendship. I also received a text from her giving us her blessings after I sent her a text explaining we were trying to work things out. He said he helps her with things around the house and likes to chat with her. He won’t let me meet her and she doesn’t answer any texts that I send. It’s a very touchy situation and he shuts down or gets defensive if I ask questions. He makes me feel insane.
So last week we get back from a family vacation and he receives a Father’s Day card from her with a gift card. I flipped and he doesn’t understand why! He said she probably sent him a card because he sent her a Mother’s Day card. She doesn’t have kids?! Come on! Cards and gifts are more than a friendship! After arguing the same old stuff, he tells me I should take some time and decide what I want because he can’t handle the accusations anymore. He turns it around and makes me feel like I’m the nut case. It’s him who has the secret best friend! We don’t live together and haven’t talked since. I do love him. He treats me very good. This is our only problem. I kind of want to end it, but I also miss him and I’m scared of ending up by myself the rest of my life. I just want the truth! I don’t trust him because of his past history. Lost again!

There is a book that has been mentioned here on the site its called not just friends by shirley glass. Yeah I don't know how you go from dating to just being friends. My husband tried to tell me his AP was a friend after they screwed around for years. I don't know if they are just friends why all the secrets.

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@Kas1966 His excuse for me not meeting her is that he doesn’t want to rub me in her face and she doesn’t like confrontation. My texts to her have been very polite and telling her everything he has lied about to me and her. I don’t think I could even handle it if I was introduced to her. I just want to be the girlfriend and the best friend!

My husband had multiple affairs long and short over a 6 year period and I was completely clueless. And, we lived together! One of the women he considered almost like a best friend even after the physical affair ended. This is who he confided in about his infidelity. If we had stayed together, there is no way I would have allowed the contact to continue. Not just because of the infidelity, but because she knowingly participated in his 4-5 years of deception knowing he had a wife and two small children. And, I wouldn't want my husband to hang out with someone like that. I'm curious is your boyfriend has now included you in family events or are you still excluded? Did his family even know about you? I ask because I wonder if you are actually the side girlfriend and the other woman is his public girlfriend.

@LeahzanI’m now included in family functions but I guess I was the side girlfriend. Now I feel her and I just switched rolls. Through all of it, he would say they were just friends (even to his family) and wasn’t romantically involved with her. He was the one who approached me and said he was dating but nothing serious. I should have ran then. I was very skeptical of our relationship, but at the time I was newly divorced and raising my daughter and my son by myself and enjoyed the time with him. I should’ve pushed more in the beginning.

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