I've been doing good here lately, but today hasn't been so g

I've been doing good here lately, but today hasn't been so good. I guess it was because it was gloomy out today. It made me feel bad, depressed. I've has suicidal thoughts all day. It's driving me crazy because I'm trying so hard to get better. I'm trying to fight all the temptations of just turning back to cutting. This is hard. I guess there will be a little struggle for a couple of months.

Rollercoaster. You're not on level ground. You're not steadily climbing a hill or rolling down one. You're on a freakin' rollercoaster and so you should just expect that some days will be better than others, to put it mildly. But I honestly think that if you killed yourself on one of your worst days, your other, better, happier self would kill you for letting that scumbag ruin everything for you. That doesn't make sense --- but treat the depression as an unwelcome guest. You'll put up with them but give it plenty of hostile looks, drop hints left and right that you'd like it to leave, and wait patiently for it to get the hint. A better day is on the way. One thing depression does that is super devious -- convinces us that every day from now on is going to be just as bad as this moment and we are never ever going to feel okay, ever again. Which isn't true of course. But it gets so dark - you can't see the light. It's still there though. It's always there, waiting for you to come back.

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@LizaBLUE It haven’t really thought of it that way. Thank you so much.

it will get better! sit with the struggle, fight the pain. you are too beautiful to self-harm. and you're doing so well. eventually it will get easier. talk to friends. write out your thoughts. take care of yourself.

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@ShopStruggler Thank you. I actually just started writing out my thoughts because I thought it would help me explain myself better when I start group therapy.

^ my thoughts exactly