I've been having great days all this week but today has had

I've been having great days all this week but today has had some low points. I started thinking about the possibility of me being gay again (even though I've been 100% straight until now) and I try to tell myself that it's HOCD but then I feel like I'm just in denial and I'm using HOCD as an excuse. Any tips on how to deal with particular thought? What can I tell myself?

Ugh. Nevermind. It's actually gotten worse. i feel like I'm looking at photos of girls and trying to see if I'm attracted to them again. And I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

STOP NO DONT LOOK AT GIRL PICTURES AND SEE IF YOU LIKE THEM! Bad idea and it only makes you feel worse.. you said you've been straight your whole life just relax and breath and you'll make it through this.. but don't com pulse or check to see, it only makes thing worse

@18hpg if anything she should look at girls pictures as a form of erp therapy. But of course she shouldn’t test her reactions to them.

I know I really shouldn't be looking at photos of girls. I've always been a girl that's interested in men. I think what spirals me into these thoughts is the fact that I've never had a boyfriend and that I had some bicuriousity in the past. So all I have to compare is my heterosexual thoughts/fantasies vs. the homosexual thoughts that I have had (wouldn't call them fantasies).

It’s just so scary because I feel like it’s all real. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not.

I actually am not doing ERP. I'm too scared too because I think it will make me gay.

@KendallMarieXo I’m 100% straight. Just like before hocd. And Erp helped me stop obsessing over it. It was tough at first but it won’t make you turn gay. Try it.

I'm having a legitimate panic attack right now and I don't know what to do about it :( I'm freaking out because I think im in denial :( :( :(

Do I need to see a therapist to do it? I'm scared to see one too.

@KendallMarieXo it’s suggested that you see a therapist but I didn’t. I was diagnosed with OCD years ago when I was 11. I’m 23 now. But I did erp and cbt on my own. Pretty much expose yourself to triggers and let the anxiety and fear build up in you. While doing that don’t do any compulsions to take away anxiety. Let it flow. After a while it subsides. Start with small triggers and go to bigger triggers that cause you to spike. Trust me it works. I thought it wouldn’t work and I thought I was going to turn gay (which is impossible pretty much) but yeah I forced myself to do it and now I’m feeling great. It takes a couple months of erp to get to a point where you start to conquer this. But everybody is different. You will be ok

I don't know if it will work for me, though. Because I don't have rituals associated with my HOCD. I just obsess over it in different cycles. Somedays I'm straight and I'm happy with that and then the next thing I know, I'm having a mental breakdown over my sexuality.

Also i don't really know what my triggers are. Like it just pops back into my head and I freak out. Does this mean I dont have hocd?

Also, when I do have these thoughts, I'm really good with calming myself down and focusing on what is fact & what is fiction. And then I'm okay. I go back to the straight fantasies that I love. But then I have a mental breakdown once in a while because I think that by accepting my HOCD & calming down, I am actually in denial. I think my HOCD and OCD in general is bit mild compared to what others go through. I've never had to see a therapist. So I don't know if the ERP thing will work for me. It will just force me to continue with the gay thoughts I have and make me feel like I am gay.